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Santorum Southern Sweep: PCW Alabama Getaway

PCW Alabama Getaway
Demopolis City Civic Center
Demopolis, AL
Tuesday March 13th, 2012

Host: Johnny Suave


‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave and his lifesize cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain

In the ring, Suave explains it’s long overdue to bring back the nicest piece of cardboard he’s ever known – Suave’s lifesize cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain.

Crowd: Welcome back…welcome back…

Suave then informs everyone that Texas Jack (R)- representing Ron Paul (R-TX) hurt himself while wrestling in the Virgin Islands and won’t be on tonight’s show.  Texas Jack won that match for Paul but suffered a concussion when Yamamoto Tanaka (R)- for Mitt Romney (R-MA) smacked him over the head with a steel folding chair and then for good measure gave him the Japanese SuperDestroyer from the top rope.


Politically Incorrect (from left): NRA, Andrea Doria (up), Al Cahall (down), and Nic Koteen

Doria gets on the mic and says it’s nice to be back in PCW.  She’s heard a lot of stuff has transpired over the past couple of weeks about Rush Limbaugh (R) calling someone a slut.  Doria says she’s not a Rush Limbaugh fan but finds it incredibly hypocritical that the same bunch of people who are mad at Limbaugh and want him taken off the air are the same bunch of people who have made similiar, if not more insulting, references towards women they oppose- Sarah Palin, Christine O’Donnell to name a few.

This brings out Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Keith Olbermann (D).  Pelosi states that Limbaugh’s values are the Republican‘s values when it comes to women.

Olbermann says he’s tired of the ‘false equivalency’ being trotted out between Limbaugh and things that he may have said.

Replay: Last Thursday’s PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN
…Olbermann apologizes to female conservative commentator S.E. Cupp for referring to her as ‘a perfect demonstration of the necessity of the work Planned Parenthood does.’ …

Olbermann tells everyone to stay on point because the true villain in this is Rush-

Replay: Last Thursday’s PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN
…Olbermann then apologizes to female conservative blogger Michelle Malkin for calling her a ‘big mashed-up bag of meat with lipstick on it.’

Doria then remarks that perhaps people should boycott Countdown with Keith Olbermann on Current TV if it weren’t for the fact that no one was watching the show in the first place. Olbermann pitches a fit in the ring and calls Doria the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD!

*DING…DING…DING…*

Suave: I KNEW IT!

Replay: Last Thursday’s PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN
Olbermann also vowed to retire his ‘Worst Person’s in the World’ segment, again, and to attempt to avoid any ‘“gratuitously abusive remarks about women, and men.’

Suave: What’s the over/under on that happening?

Suave: FIVE DAYS!  FIVE FREAKIN’ DAYS!

Pelosi screeches to the back and out comes The Green World Order: ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist,  PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA.

A referee slides into the ring and we’re off.

MATCH #1
Green World Order: ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube-Agronomist and GreenPete (D)
vs.
Politically Incorrect: NRA and Nic Koteen

This was a wild match with both teams interfering in the match.

The match turns when the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Markos Moutilsas, Arianna Huffington, Eric Boehlert of Media Matters, and Full-Professor Paul Krugman of the NY Times) pulls NRA out of the ring and Rube and GreenPete doubleteam Koteen.

…Rube has an abdominal stretch locked in and grapevines the ankle.

Suave: HERE COMES THE TEA PARTY!

Average Joe and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay hit the ring.  Average Joe armdrags GreenPete over.  Neck breaker.  McAvay hits a Bulldog out of the corner on Rube and calls for his seven iron from his caddie Tromeo.   The GWO has it well scouted and blocks Tromeo.  Brock Cole Lee tosses Rube a flower pot and he smashes it over Koteen’s head.  Rube locks in the Grapevine submission and Koteen has no choice but to tap.

WINNER: Green World Order @ 9:23

Mitt Romney Speaks
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein corrals Mitt Romney about the match and asks him about Rick Santorum’s chances tonight.  Romney says Santorum is at the at the desperate end of his campaign and is trying in some way to boost his prospects.  And frankly, misrepresenting the truth is not a good way of doing that.

Romney: He’s far behind in the point count. If you look at the math of how many points he’d have to win to become the nominee, it’s a very difficult road for him. And so, at this stage, he’s looking for some way to try and gain ground. I understand that. But I would hope you’d use truth as one of the pillars of your strategy as opposed to trying to come up with one attack after the other that, frankly, has been determined by those who take a careful look from the outside to be inaccurate.

Rush Limbaugh Promo
Rush Limbaugh comes out and he’s got a few things on his mind.

Limbaugh: One week after launching this all-out attack on your expertly trained broadcast host, me, El Rushbo, with talent on loan from God — a sure winner!  Going to launch Obama and the Democrats back to electorate success! What happened? It wasn’t a big winner for them. Didn’t work out the way they had all envisioned, didn’t and hasn’t worked out the way they had all hoped.  The excitement, the thrill, the anticipation. They said ‘Limbaugh’s finished, we’ve got the women back, we’re marching on the victory. It’s a done deal.

Limbaugh lights up an Arturo Fuente Don Carlos cigar, probably breaking some law regarding smoking indoors, and continues.

Limbaugh: Obama lost ground with women. I can’t begin to tell you the dismay and the shock and probably panic that exists in the White House and in the salons of the elites of the Democratic Party over this.  They didn’t even consider this a possibility. This never entered their mind. This was going to be the end — not just of me, folks … the end of talk radio.

Limbaugh smiles and finishes by saying the Democrats can’t get rid of him…no one can get rid of-

*Def Leppard’s ‘Tear It Down’ plays*


‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Suave: WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long

Limbaugh drops the cigar as the Extreme Equalizer bolts for the ring.  Limbaugh slides out and flees up the ramp with WTF close behind.

Why should you buy this book?

#showplug Jesusland v Progressiveville isn’t predictable partisan trashing of other side like other political books nor does it pander to the fringes of both sides like most books do. #tlot #tcot

#showplug Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, among others.

#showplug Our cover w/ @SarahPalinUSA and @KeithOlbermann sums up what our political discourse has become. #election2012 #politics #tlot #tcot

Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire about the sorry state of American politics.

Available at Amazon.com and other online bookstores.

====================

MAIN EVENT:
Yamamoto Tanaka (R) w/’The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)
vs.
Magnum PO’d (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
vs.
A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA) and Daisy Cutter-Bomb

Wild three way action as all three wrestlers fight as if their lives depended on it.

Eventually, Magnum gets eliminated at the 6:03 mark via pin by A-Bomb.

…Tanaka eats a boot to the face.  Knee clip by A-Bomb and cover…1…2…Tanaka powers out.  A-Bomb goes for the Atomic Power Bomb but Tanaka blocks it.  Tanaka charges. MISSES! Tanaka staggers out of the corner…ATOMIC POWER BOMB!  Romney calls for help but Santorum comes over and battles him on the ring apron.   A-Bomb lifts Tanaka a second time…ATOMIC POWER BOMB #2!   Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit runs to the apron (why), and eats the rope assisted DDT from Daisy Cutter-Bomb.

A-Bomb covers! 1…2…3!

WINNER: A. Tom Bomb @ 11:30

Santorum hits the ring and celebrates with A-Bomb and Daisy Cutter-Bomb.

Points Update:
Romney 474, Santorum 228, Gingrich 137, Paul 64

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