…A-Bomb monkey flips Tanaka onto the mat. A-Bomb climbs to the top of the turnbuckle. Tanaka gets hit with the shooting star press from A-Bomb.
Suave: HOLY CRAP!
The ref starts the count. …1 …2 Tanaka escapes. Tanaka sends A-Bomb through the ropes to ringside. Tanaka grabs a Steel chair…*CLANG* and hits A-Bomb.
Suave: A-Bomb is busted open from that chairshot!
Tanaka hammers him again with a chairshot and turns to Rick Santorum to taunt him. Then he drags A-Bomb back to ringside and back into the ring. Tanaka shoulder tackles A-Bomb- he pops right back up. Tanaka clotheslines A-Bomb.
Suave: WAIT! THAT’S DAISY CUTTER-BOMB ON THE TOP ROPE!
Flying sommersault drop kick by Daisy Cutter-Bomb sends Tanaka reeling. Romney is incensed and screams at her.
A-Bomb climbs to his feet. A-Bomb throws Tanaka off the ropes and hits him with a diving shoulder block.
Suave: A-BOMB IS ON A ROLL. CAN HE GET BACK IN THE MATCH?
A-Bomb hits Tanaka with the crotch slam. A-Bomb slaps a bearhug on Tanaka. The referee checks…Tanaka fights and then escapes. A-Bomb tries for a snap suplex but Tanaka avoids it. Tanaka turns it around- gut-wrench powerbomb on A-Bomb. Then another Powerslam! And another Powerslam! And a third Powerslam! Tanaka mounts him on the mat and punches A-Bomb repeatedly.
Suave: A-BOMB’S IN TROUBLE AND THERE’S NOTHING RICK SANTORUM CAN DO ABOUT IT!
Tanaka shoulder tackles A-Bomb and then drags him to the top rope. Tanaka picks A-Bomb up and hits the Japanese SuperDestroyer to the mat below.
Suave: THAT’S IT! HE AIN’T GETTING UP FROM THAT ONE.
Tanaka covers A-Bomb hooking the leg. tHE Referee counts the pin. …1 …2 …3
WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka @ 15:26
Romney hits the ring and he’s ecstatic.
Suave: BIG WIN FOR TANAKA AND MITT ROMNEY TONIGHT!
Romney stood in the ring and all but declared himself the winner. He said Republicans had endured “enough” of the vitriolic and protracted primary fight and should move on to the main event.
Romney: For 25 years, I lived and breathed business, the economy and jobs,” he said. “I had successes and failures but each step of the way, I learned a little more about what it is that makes our American system so powerful. You can’t learn that teaching constitutional law at the University of Chicago. You can’t even learn that as a community organizer. The simple truth is that this PCW CEO just doesn’t understand the genius of America’s economy — or the secret of the American economic success story.
Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition interrupted Romney’s remarks. Blackwell says it doesn’t matter if Obama was or wasn’t a community organizer. What really matters is that when Obama took office gas was under $2 per gallon; now it’s pushing $4. Who gets hurt the most? Ordinary working Americans. Blackwell states both sides don’t care about middle America or else they’d tell their special interest groups to take a flying leap off a tall mountain.
Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) then come out. Big Oil laughs at the plight of ordinary Americans and says it doesn’t matter how high the gas costs rise, they’ll still drive their cars. He tells Blackwell that the facts of life are those who have the gold get to make the rules and benefit from them.
Then the PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union: ‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) come out and slam Blackwell and the American Heartland coalition for not joining a union. Big Labor tells Blackwell that only he represents the best interests of middle class America and that he should be paying him to do that.
Big Labor: You don’t put your faith and trust in yourselves; you put it in me.
Then Big Union is attacked again by…
Suave: HOLY CRAP! IT’S SCOTT WALKER’S (R-WI) RANGERS!
Ronnie and John Walker (R) brawl with Big Union. Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic (AmHeart) fight with Corporate Might.
PCW Security rush down to the ring.
Jeb Bush Promo
Jeb Bush (R-FLA) spoke with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein about the Republican race. Bush said battles have been held in 34 states, and now is the time for Republicans to unite behind Mitt Romney and take our message of fiscal conservatism and job creation to PCW this fall.
Why should you buy this book?
#showplug Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, among others.
Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire about the sorry state of American politics.
Available at Amazon.com and other online bookstores.
MAIN EVENT- Non-Title Match
PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) vs. Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) vs. Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic (AmHeart) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R)
This one’s an all out brawl. Corporate Might and Blackwell/Mike the Mechanic don’t even bother getting into the ring. They brawl all over the building while the PCW Tag Team Champions battle Scott Walker (R-WI) and his Rangers.
…Ronnie Walker up top with James the Jeep Worker…SUPERPLEX. Ankle lock applied by Ronnie and James is stuck. In comes Big Labor and he blasts Ronnie from behind. James fights out and gets to the ropes. James to the apron, Ronnie Walker grabs him, but here comes Democrat leader of the PCW Executive Board Harry Reid (D-NV).
Reid distracts Ronnie and then Big Labor hangs him off the ropes. John Walker in and spears Big Labor- bouncing off his stomach and onto the mat. Reid to the floor now, and grabs a chair. He slides it in, sets it up, while James grabs Ronnie. He looks for a Scabbuster, Ronnie fights out. Scott Walker pulls Reid off the apron. Big Labor pulls Scott Walker back in and gets the Picket Line on him. But Big Labor then tripped and hit his own head on the chair. Ronnie jumped on Big Labor for the cover…1…2…3.
WINNER: Scott Walker’s Rangers (R) @ 14:44