Former Current TV host Keith Olbermann is brought to the broadcast table in a specially constructed rickshaw. After he exits the rickshaw, he berates the two men pulling the vehicle for giving him a rough trip down to the ring and for having the nerve to talk to him.
Olbermann starts right out giving his usual opening monologue but Suave interrupts him with the big news that we have a new PCW Champion- The Sanderman (D).
Replay from PCW House Show Last Night in Rockford, IL
…Daniel-San’s in trouble in the corner. He looks to his corner where John Creese and the Cobra Cons are…but they turn away and walk to the back. The Sanderman whacks Daniel-San over the head with a broom handle and then cinches in the Cobra Clutch…
Daniel-San is backstage with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein. He breaks the bad news and says that he lost last night. Daniel-San says he is a man, he was beaten, and as a man he will admit defeat. Before he can say another word, he’s attacked by the Japanese SuperDestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka. Tanaka decks him and then flings him into a wall.
The Republican Establishment, with John Creese and the Cobra Cons in tow, walk by. Creese calls Daniel-San “not a true conservative” and kicks him before the group walks away.
Olbermann calls Suave the worst person in the world for interrupting him. Suave reminds everyone that The Sanderman’s win means Democrats hold all four title belts…
PCW WORLD CHAMPION: The Sanderman (D)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Big Labor/James the Jeep Worker (D)
PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
#1 SINGLES CONTENDER:
– Valora Salinas
#1 TAG TEAM CONTENDER:
– Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
#1 WOMEN’S CONTENDER:
– Miss USA (R)
(1) Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost, black sheep brother def. Jordan Metzger of Planned Parenthood
Double underhook powerbomb by Tebow wins the match. After the pin, Tebow does his version of ‘Tebowing’ except with a can of beer in his hand.
Brad Company- Health Care
Suave recounts how Company was told that he was going to have to purchase health care. Company objected and then took PCW CEO Barack Obama to the PCW Super Court.
Olbermann calls Company the worst person in the world for going against Obama and taking it to the PCW Super Court. Then he demands a double latte from the back, pronto.
Mitt Romney (R-MA) talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein. Romney says that it’s time to close ranks behind him and turn our attention to November and PCW Extreme Election Night 2012.
PCW Television Title Match Signing
PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) walks out first to sign off on the contract to meet PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas at PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 PPV in June.
Chism climbs into the ring and waits for Valora to come out. Suave starts to comment but Olbermann won’t shut up about his latte. Olbermann yanks off his headset and screams to the back. Suave goes right to a commercial.
This book would be friggin’ hilarious if parts of it weren’t so painfully true…
Why should you buy this book?
Jesusland v Progressiveville isn’t predictable partisan trashing of other side like other political books nor does it pander to the fringes of both sides like most books do.
Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, among others.
The cover with Sarah Palin and Keith Olbermann sums up just what our political discourse has become.
Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire about the sorry state of American politics.
Available at Amazon.com and other online bookstores.
Back to ringside, Suave explains that Olbermann has stomped off to the back to bitch someone out about the whole latte thing. Meanwhile, Chism is still in the ring waiting for Valora to come out.
Finally, Chism grabs the microphone.
Chism: What did I tell you? Valora’s a chick. She’s not a real chick though because everyone knows real chicks support Democrats. She knows there’s no way in hell that she can beat me. She’s probably back home washing the dishes or cleaning the house-
Out of nowhere, Valora jumps Chism and blasts him in the head with a lead pipe.
Suave: HOLY CRAP!
Valora busts him open with a second lead pipe shot and then puts the Katahajime on him.
Immediately, Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) race to the ring and start shouting for help. Code Pink and Emily S. List run down. Valora lets go of Chism and then decks both with a double clothesline. She rams Code Pink’s head into the corner turnbuckle. Then she flings List through the ropes to the floor.
Chism tries to get up. Valora hits a running dropkick and Chism goes right back down. Valora drags the PCW Television Champion to the table and puts her finger in the bloody cut on Chism’s face. Then she signs the contract with Chism’s blood and as PCW security hits the ring, slides out and heads to the back.
Rick Santorum (R-PA) talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein. He says no matter what he’s not going to give up until Romney has an insurmountable lead. Even if his wrestler, A-Bomb, loses tonight, he’s headed to Pennsylvania in three weeks to continue the fight.
MATCHES SIGNED ALREADY FOR NOVEMBER’S PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2012:
Ohio- Sherrod Brown (D) vs. Josh Mandel (R)
Virginia- George Allen (R) vs. Tim Kaine (D)
(2) PBR w/Chief def. Nate of Occupy Wall Street
PBR gets the quick pin with The Beer Mug.
Olbermann’s back and he’s still pissed off. Suave cuts to another replay from Monday’s House Show- a confrontation between PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins (D) and Miss USA.
Replay: Monday’s House Show
…KRC just finishes defeating Lani Harlot (R) when Miss USA walks down the ramp, and around the ring. She stares down KRC and circles the ring. Then Miss USA hits the stairs, walks up and gets in the ring. KRC looks to the back for help. Miss USA extends her hand. KRC reluctantly goes for a shake and then BAM! Kick to the stomach. Standing drop kick…
(3) Wild in Wisconsin Match: Yamamoto Tanaka (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA) vs. A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA) and Daisy Cutter-Bomb
Tanaka again wipes out A-Bomb, winning with the Japanese SuperDestroyer.
Romney hits the ring afterwards to celebrate.
Olbermann again starts going off about various things. Finally…
*Def Leppard’s Tear It Down plays*
Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long
Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!
WTF: Keith. You’re fired.
WTF grabs Olbermann by the throat…lift…CHOKESLAM!