PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Benton Harbor High School
Benton Harbor, MI
Thursday April 5th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave
REPLAY: End of Tuesday Night’s PCW Wild in Wisconsin
Olbermann again starts going off about various things. Finally…
*Def Leppard’s Tear It Down plays*
‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long
Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!
WTF: Keith. You’re fired.
WTF grabs Olbermann by the throat…lift…CHOKESLAM!
*Fleetwood Mac‘s “Don’t Stop” begins to play*
‘The Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon’ Al Gore (D)
Suave: “IT’S HIM! HE’S HERE! THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’ ALPHA MALE AND ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON…
The crowd sings the chorus “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.
The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon walks down the steps to the main floor. At the bottom of the steps, Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead. Gore then wades through the main floor crowd to the ring. He climbs up on the apron, pulls out yet another cup of mocha, guzzles that one down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.
Gore in the ring.
Gore: I suppose you all want to know what went down between Keith Olbermann and Current TV. All I can say is that Mr. Olbermann, who was paid a lot of money for showing up periodically to do his show and didn’t keep up his end of the bargain, apparently wants tens of millions more for not working. As the old adage says, when the law’s on your side you argue the law. When the law and the facts aren’t on your side, you pound the table. Let’s just say that Mr. Olbermann is well versed in pounding the table.
Voice: Hold on a second, Al!
Keith Olbermann and the minions of his Olbermann Broadcast Empire, formerly known as FOK, David Schuster and Shannyn Moore, walk out.
Olbermann: The Mets put Andres Torres on the DL today. That seems to have as much relevance to my lawsuit as anything you just said, Al.
Gore smiles and hands Olbermann a piece of paper.
Gore: This has plenty of relevance, Keith. Consider yourself served.
Suave: OLBERMANN JUST GOT SERVED…OH, SUIT PAPERS!
Olbermann’s face turns red and he tackles Gore.
Suave: CAT-FIIIIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIIGHT!
The OBE try to separate the two.
‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.
Romney: It’s time to get going. It’s time to start focusing on November’s PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 and PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL). It’s enough to make you think that years of flying around on Air Force One, surrounded by an adoring staff of true believers telling you what a great job you are doing, well, that might be enough to make you a little out of touch.
Romney: And…that’s all.
Bernstein: Oh. You’re not going to screw up the aftermath of a victory again?
Romney: Not this time.
(1) Daniel-San vs. Steve Torino- Used Car Salesman- no contest
Daniel-San was about to slap on the Labell Lock when former allies John Creese and the Cobra Conservatives came out and attacked the former PCW Champion.
The Cobra Cons stomp away at a helpless Daniel-San until the crowd roars and Mrs. Miyagi sprints out with Halitosis- The Insane Luchador with the even more Insane Breath, to the ring. Halitosis uses his lethal breath to knock out the Cobra Cons and Creese escapes through the ropes.
Daniel-San sees Mrs. Miyagi and tries to shake her hand. Mrs. Miyagi turns around and leaves before he can do so.
Bobby Petrino Motorcycle Accident
Arkansas football coach Bobby Petrino shuffles to the ring. He admits that he didn’t fully disclose the fact that there was a 25 year old female passenger riding with him after his recent motorcycle accident.
Petrino: I have been in constant pain, medicated and the circumstances involving the wreck have come out in bits and pieces. That said I certainly had a concern about Jessica Dorrell’s name being revealed. In hindsight, I showed a serious mistake in judgment when I chose not to be more specific about those details. Today, I’ve acknowledged this previous inappropriate relationship with my family and those within the athletic department administration.
Suave: Apparently, Jessica Dorrell turned down riding First Class to her upcoming wedding and rode Coach… *rimshot*
Petrino then added…
Petrino: Do you know who I am? This is the freakin’ SEC. I’ve won 21 games at Arkansas over the past two seasons…
Arkansas Razorbacks fan: Y’all, there’s two college football coaches better than anyone else in the country- Nick Saban and Bobby Petrino. Sooooo-eeee.
Suave: Bama is ‘Roll Tide.’ Petrino is ‘Stop, Drop, and Roll.’
(2) Scott Walker’s (R-WI) Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R) def. Flavin and Tony Dreamboat
The Walkers win when Flavin tried to clock Ronnie Walker with the oversized clock around his neck and missed. Ronnie then got the roll up pin for the victory.
Post match, the PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) attacked the Walkers. Once again, Rebecca Kleefisch (R-WI) is cornered- this time by Union Maid, and bombarded with invectives from both Big Labor and James.
*’Can You Hear the People Sing’ from Les Miserables plays*
Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic aka The American Heartland Coalition run out and make the save for Kleefisch. Big Union leaves the ring but Blackwell tells them to wait.
Blackwell: The number one problem with PCW is that both the Republican and Democrats have sold their souls to their special interest groups at our expense. The number two problem is that both Republicans and Democrats have a virtual monopoly on the political processes and have effectively excluded the American people a choice. As of right now, the PCW is going to be stuck with making the following choice for PCW CEO: a Democrat who promised change but delivered the same hardline political partisanism that he was supposedly against and a challenger foisted up by a Republican establishment totally out of touch with Main Street America.
Big Labor takes a step towards the ring but he’s blocked by Blackwell’s Les Miserables.
Mike the Mechanic: Charlie’s right. That’s not democracy. And both parties are so far out of touch with what’s really going on with average Americans that voting for either candidate in the fall when gas prices are ridiculously high, housing values have decreased, jobs aren’t coming back, is basically a coin flip. You can vote for one party who does the bidding of their special interest groups or you can vote for the other. Partisans win- the American people lose.
Suave: Earlier in the night, PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism quietly signed off on the contract to face PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas in June at PCW Loose Cannons unleashed 8.
REPLAY: Tuesday Night’s PCW Wild in Wisconsin
Chism: What did I tell you? Valora’s a chick. She’s not a real chick though because everyone knows real chicks support Democrats. She knows there’s no way in hell that she can beat me. She’s probably back home washing the dishes or cleaning the house-
Out of nowhere, Valora jumps Chism and blasts him in the head with a lead pipe.
Suave: HOLY CRAP!
Valora busts him open with a second lead pipe shot and then puts the Katahajime on him.
Immediately, Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) race to the ring and start shouting for help. Code Pink and Emily S. List run down. Valora lets go of Chism and then decks both with a double clothesline. She rams Code Pink’s head into the corner turnbuckle. Then she flings List through the ropes to the floor.
Chism tries to get up. Valora hits a running dropkick and Chism goes right back down. Valora drags the PCW Television Champion to the table and puts her finger in the bloody cut on Chism’s face. Then she signs the contract with Chism’s blood and as PCW security hits the ring, slides out and heads to the back.
Suave then reports on the Brad Company-Health Care- PCW Super Court situation. Following arguments made before the Super Court, the matter was now in the hands of the Super Court justices to make their decision.
PCW Hall of Fame Class Announced
Suave announced the inductees to the PCW HOF:
Wrestlers: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) and Starz N. Stripes (also known as ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott) (R)
Politicians: ‘The American Screamer’ Howard Dean (D-VT) and ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove
The class will be inducted at PCW’s Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 PPV in June.
House Show Highlights
Suave reveals that there was an incident last night at a PCW House show between PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins and Miss USA.
KRC came out to cut a promo and then described Miss USA having a child as a ‘career killer.’
KRC: Her career will never be what it should have been because of the choice she made.
Miss USA than ran out and another pull apart brawl ensued.
Suave: It’s going to happen…sooner than later. KRC vs. Miss USA.
Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost, black sheep brother
Tebow is in the ring and rips Peyton Manning once again. This time, Manning walks out and challenges Tebow to a match. Tebow accepts but Manning then sends down the Japanese SuperDestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka (R).
Tanaka wins in short order with Manning cheering him on with the Japanese SuperDestroyer.
On the ramp clapping- New York Jet QB Mark Sanchez??????
Points Standings (from Real Clear Politics):