Dean gives his trademark “WRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH!” at the end of his
Rove points to his head to remind everyone that he’s a freakin’ genius after
he’s done with his.
Then it’s ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and ’The Rookie Sensation’ Starz N.
Stripes (Kevin Scott) turn.
PCW Owner Bubba Jackson recited Escondido’s achievements in PCW: PCW Champion in 2006, 3 time Television Champion in 2008 and 2009, and Tag Team Champion in 2009 with Starz N. Stripes.
Then Starz N. Stripes (Kevin Scott): PCW Champion in 2008- lost belt in what is the greatest PCW match ever against O’Beck Bahama at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008. Became two time PCW Champion in 2011. Tag Team Title holder with Escondido in 2009. PCW Television Champion in 2011.
Tanaka comes to the ring with the Republican establishment, including Republican Leader Reince Priebus, while Big Oil and Walstreit are led to the ring by Gordon Guyko and his briefcase stuffed full of cash. RINO walks alone to the ring.
Before the bell sounds, Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanc of the American Heartland Coalition, The Tea Party (Average Joe and ‘Tin Cup‘ Ray McAvay) and Blackwell’s Les Miserables come to the ring. Blackwell, effectively cut out of the title equation since he doesn’t belong to either party, Mike, and the Tea Party attack and there’s a full scale brawl outside the ring.
Republican security rush to ringside and separate the two sides. Blackwell and company are dragged towards the back…
Blackwell (yelling): …our ‘representatives’ have become nothing more than glorified lobbyists w/voting power and big money special interest groups are pulling the strings. Meanwhile, PCW is hurdling out of control towards a cliff and no one is lifting a finger to stop it. This is no longer just a partisan thing- PCW is corrupt at its core…
The match finally gets under way and we quickly find out that the Republican
Establishment has made it clear who they want to win. Both Big Oil and Walstreit don’t even bother and head to the back leaving Tanaka vs. RINO. Tanaka clotheslines RINO and covers. The referee quick counts the Wonk Machine out and that’s that.
WINNER and Red Champion: Yamamoto Tanaka @ 4:05
Backstage, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL) complains to PCW Investigative
Reporter Woodward Bernstein about the Republican’s War on Women being
responsible for KRC’s loss. When asked how the Republicans could be responsible for Miss USA’s win when it was the Democrats who demanded that the Mercenaries Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski be ejected from ringside and then interfered in the match- Wasserman Schultz said “It’s doesn’t matter. They’re Republicans and they hate women.”
Suave: Makes total sense to me.
Meanwhile, Blackwell and the American Heartland Coalition are kicked out of the building.
MATCH #5 Blue Belt Title Match: Daniel-San (D), Big Labor (D), Extreme Plaintiff Attorneys Felcher and Felcher (D), Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube-
Agronomist, and PeaceNick w/Peta from PETA (D), ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
Union referee in charge of the match.
Extreme Attorneys Felcher and Felcher are eliminated early but file an injunction to get back into the match.
PeaceNick of the Green World Order protests the match’s brutality from outside the ring by lugging a picket sign back and forth.
Daniel-San has Big Labor tapping out to the LaBell Lock but the referee is somehow not looking in his direction.
Felcher and Felcher again get eliminated. Again, they sue their way back into the match.
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism pins Big Labor. But again, the union referee is looking elsewhere.
This goes on and on for the next 45 minutes before finally Democratic Leader Debbie Wasserman-Schultz says enough. Felcher and Felcher- eliminated. Then Brock Cole Lee of the GWO. GreenPete from the GWO. Radishing Rick Rube of the GWO. Big Labor.
Down to Chism vs. Daniel-San. Chism uses his Hollywood connections to get Tom Hanks and George Clooney to do a run-in on Daniel-San. Daniel-San fights both actors off. Then the Skanky Rich Bimbos make their way to the ring. Kim and Chloe climb onto the ring apron and whip off their tops.
Suave: WARDROBE MALFUNCTION! WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!
Chism hits the distracted Daniel-San with the Hollywood Blockbuster and gets the quick count on the pin to mercifully end the match and win the belt.
WINNER and Blue Belt Champion: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism @ 51:23
Backstage, Corporate Might (Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit) arrive in front of Scott Walker’s Rangers’ dressing room with an army of hired bodyguards and crush
Occupy Wall Street. Then they stand guard in front of the dressing room.
MATCH #6 PCW Title Match: The Sanderman (D) (c) vs. ‘The Japanese
SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R)
Can Tanaka pick up a second belt and become a four time PCW champion?
Not tonight. Wasserman-Schultz, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi come to the ring and order The Sanderman back to the dressing room. The crowd goes nuts as the referee counts him out and awards the match to Tanaka.
Suave: But The Sanderman keeps the title belt because Tanaka didn’t pin him.
Finally, PCW Legal Counsel Eric Holder is called to the ring to mediate the controversy. He listens to Boehner and McConnell and then rules in favor of the
PCW Champion The Sanderman (D). Boehner and McConnell can’t believe it and
Holder makes a…fast and furious…exit.
Then Scott Walker’s Rangers (John and Ronnie Walker) appear on the ramp
slugging it out with the PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union (Big Labor and James
the Jeep Worker).
MATCH #7 PCW Tag Team Title Match: Big Union: ‘The Self Described
Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) (c) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R)
Both teams brawl outside the ring. Finally, the Walkers gain the upper hand and toss Big Labor and James into the ring.
Back in PCW CEO Barack Obama’s office, Obama is watching the match on the monitor with David Axelrod and PCW Legal Counsel Eric Holder. Ronnie Walker
nearly gets a pin and Holder wants to know if Obama is going to help Big Union
win the match?
Obama thinks for a second. Then he tweets his support for Big Union.
Suave: Say what?
Holder concurs. Axelrod can’t believe it. He goes off on Holder in front of everyone and finally the PCW Legal Counsel goes chest to chest with Axelrod. Staffers separate the two just in time to see former PCW CEO Bill Clinton saunter down to the ring to offer his support.
Both Republican and Democratic rosters empty out of the locker rooms to ringside and a huge brawl erupts. Somehow, the referee manages to keep control in the ring and Ronnie Walker hits the Black Velvet Shot on James the Jeep Worker. By the time everyone realizes what’s happening, the referee counts to three and we have brand new PCW Tag Team Champions.
WINNER and NEW PCW Tag Team Champions: Scott Walker’s Rangers- John and Ronnie Walker (R)
Republicans in the crowd rejoice. Democrats are disgusted. The partisan brawl ringside continues.
Suave: Some things may never change.