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War on Women: PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 in Wisconsin- part 1

PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 Recap- part 1
Bradley Center
Milwaukee, WI
Tuesday June 5th,
2012

Political Championship Wrestling rocked the Bradley Center in Milwaukee
with their 8th edition of their signature political wrestling event- Loose
Cannons Unleashed.

‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave ran down the card:

-PCW Television Title Match: ‘The
One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c) vs. Valora Salinas
-PCW Tag Team Title Match: Big Union: ‘The Self
Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) (c) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R)
-PCW Women’s Title
Match: Miss USA (c) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins
(D)
-Red Title Match: TBD
-Blue Title Match: TBD
-PCW Title Match: The
Sanderman (D) (c) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Kicking the show off was the unexpected return of The Goatbusters to PCW…

*Spooky music begins followed by a funky beat*

(sung to ‘Ghostbusters’)
If there’s something grazing
In your
neighborhood
Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)
If you see a herd
And
it don’t look good
Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I ain’t afraid of no Goat

If you’re seeing horns
Running through your yard
Who can you
call
(Goatbusters)
If you have a goat
Sleeping in your bed
Oh, who
you gonna call
(Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I ain’t afraid of no Goat

Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)
If you’re all alone
Pick up the
phone
And call
(Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I hear it likes the girls
I ain’t afraid
of no Goat
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)
If you’ve had a dose
Of a
freaky Goat
Maybe you’d better call
(Goatbusters)

Let me tell you something
Bustin’ makes me feel good

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I ain’t afraid of no Goat

The Goatbusters were
being interviewed by PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein about the
induction of ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) and Starz N. Stripes (also known as
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott) (R) into the PCW Hall of Fame.  Goatbusters Ray
Scantz and Peter Jenkman (I) are both drinking Big Gulps full of soft drinks
when New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg (I) charges out.

Bloomberg tells the Goatbusters that they are setting a terrible example by
sucking down 52 ounce cups of soft drinks at a time where the nation’s health is
going to hell. Sodas should only be available for purchase from behind the
counter, like cigarettes and cough medicine. Everyone purchasing a soda should
have to provide proof that they are not obese by submitting to a BMI calculation
or a body fat caliper test.

Scantz fires back at Bloomberg, “It’s funny, but if you analyze the practical
application of your ‘collective where we look out for each other’ as it’s being
rolled out by fascists like Bloomberg, it looks less like looking out for each
other, and more like using the boot of government to make sure the stupid people
don’t overload on the freebies the politicians promised ‘em to get their
votes.”

Jenkman adds: “Hey, I have an idea- let’s treat adults like children! No soft
drinks for you until you swallow your plate of government propaganda! Salt is
off the table, and the good cooking oil is reserved for those whose service to
the collective is unquestioned. And sorry, you’re too ignorant to weigh the
risks of unpasteurized cheese flown in today from France! In fact, you’re too
stupid to decide for yourself about the raw milk the Amish guy is selling. And
no foie gras. It offends the delicate sensibilities of the geese.”

Bloomberg is offended and sics
the NY Health Department on the Goatbusters and we
have an impromptu match.

Match #1- The Goatbusters def. the NY Health Department @
5:54
Much to everyone’s delight, the Goatbusters win when they
“Cross the Streams” on Walter and Peck of the NY Health Department and then pour
large quanities of Pepsi over them after the match.

Big Union (‘The Self Described
Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker) storm the
office of leader of the PCW Executive Committee Harry Reid (D-NV) and demand that their match against Scott
Walker’s Rangers be moved to the Main Event of the show.

Reid, momentarily caught off-guard, quickly acquiesces and agrees to their
demand.

Suave makes the formal announcement that the new Main Event will be indeed-
The PCW Tag Team Title Match with Big Union (D) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers
(R)

Match #2- PCW Television TV Title Match: TV Champion ‘The One Man
Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) vs. Valora Salinas
Chism
reluctantly gets into the ring and Valora races right over and attacks him.  She
chases Chism all over the ring before the TV Champ slides out.  Chism runs
around the ring with Valora in pursuit and the challengers runs right into the
right arm of Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s Long Lost Obscure Black Sheep Brother No One
Knew He Had.

Tebow then blasts Valora with
left hands while suspended St. Louis Ram defensive coordinator Gregg Williams and suspended New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton collect their ‘bounty’ from Chism.
Valora then turns it around and then destroys Tebow with chair shots.  Then she
blasts both Williams and Payton with the chair and rolls back into the ring.
Chism jumps out of the ring and grabs the microphone- he says ‘**** this, I’ve
bigger fish to fry’ and throws the TV belt down.  Chism tries to leave but
Valora runs him down and literally drags him back ringside.

Valora then filets Chism’s back
with a kendo stick and then wraps an electrical cord around his neck and chokes
him out.  The Skanky Rich Bimbos (Kim and Chloe) try to come to his rescue but
they take one look at Valora and run to the back.  Chism passes out before the
Democrats can
send down help and Valora wins the PCW Television Title.

Valora def. Chism for the TV Title @ 10:44

Democratic
Leader Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL) leads Women for Women (Code Pink
and Emily S. List) and former PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins to
the ring and they attack Valora.

Suave: Wait a minute.  I thought
it was the Republicans waging
a ’War on Women?’

KRC and List hold Valora as Code Pink prepares to give her a Glitter Bomb.
Then the crowd roars when the Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski)
race to the ring.  McGill ducks Code Pink’s Glitter Bomb and whips her through
the ropes to the outside.  List gets a standing dropkick from Kovalevski and
Valora Border Tosses her out of the ring.  Valora starts after KRC but then the
PCW Women’s Champion Miss USA runs in and tells her that she wants to get her
hands on the challenger.

The referee slides into the ring and the third match is on…

Match #3 PCW Women’s Title Match: Miss USA (c) w/the Mercenaries
(Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D) w/Debbie
Wasserman Schultz (D-FL)

Wasserman Schultz demands that McGill and Kovalevski be sent
to the back and raises enough of a stink that the referee finally gives in.  He
directs McGill and Kovalevski to the back and the match finally starts.

KRC bails and dares Miss USA to come after her- which she does.  Wasserman
Schultz misses a weak clothesline attempt and Miss USA takes KRC down.  Both
women brawl around the ring before KRC gains the upper hand and drives the
champion into the steel ring steps and then into the steel security barrier.
Miss USA then reversed KRC into the timekeeper’s chair and then blasted her with
the ring bell.

Miss USA then climbs to the ring apron for a Patriot Missile drop kick but
Wasserman Schultz sneaks around and pushes her off the edge.  KRC taunts Miss
USA’s family at ringside and then Larry Flynt slithers down in his wheelchair
leaving a trail of slime behind him.

Flynt has some embarrassing old photos of Miss USA that he starts parading
around to distract the champion.  KRC takes advantage and spends the next few
minutes pummelling Miss USA all over the ring.  KRC keeps going for the pin but
somehow Miss USA kicks out.  After Miss USA kicks out at 2.999999, she tries to
roll out of the ring but Flynt blocks her way.

This brings out conservative commentator and Flynt target S.E. Cupp (R).
Cupp tackles Flynt causing his wheelchair to flip backwards.  Cupp rains down
blows on Flynt before taking a huge submarine sandwich and jamming it in Flynt’s
piehole.

Suave: It’s just satire, Larry.

KRC tries to Pearl Harbor Miss USA but the champion reverses and whips KRC
towards the barricade.  She trips over Flynt’s body and lands head first against
the steel barricade.  Miss USA drags her back into the ring and climbs to the
top turnbuckle.  Wasserman-Schultz starts over towards her but Miss USA turns
and hits a Patriot Missile on her.  Then she rolls over and covers
KRC…1…2…3.

WINNER and still PCW Women’s Champion Miss USA @ 8:54

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