Let’s Elect Newt the Unelectable Debater!
So, Newt won South Carolina! By a ton! Newt is da bomb!
Actually, instead of a ticking time bomb, I envision Newt as more of a airship. Better yet, a dirigible, only because no one uses the word “dirigible” anymore. Sure, we see them on Fringe in the other universe, but does Olivia ever *say* to Peter, “where am I? oh look, a dirigible!” No. I rest my case.
Where was I?
Oh yeah. Newt.
You know why Congressman Gingrich is like a dirigible? Because he’s full of hot air! HAHAHAHAHA!
No, that’s not the only reason why.
It’s because he floats above us, massive and grandiose and all, and it’s you know it’s just a matter of time until a spark becomes a fire and then the fiery hulk comes crashing to earth and Chris Matthews shrieks (as only Chris Matthews can) “Oh, the humanity!”
Does any of us doubt that this will inevitably happen?
Speaking of which, Newt is a great debater. And damn, we sure do love to hear the Newt debate. Well, not so much debate, as light into other people, particularly “the media” for doing despicable things. To him. Because Newt is such the victim.
But he is fun to watch and listen to, isn’t he?
Does this make him electable? I dunno.
25% of Americans think good things of Gingrich. 60% think he’s a d*ck.
Which got me to post this amazingly popular tweet.
What this means is we’ll be all “yeah, you tell ‘em Newt!” and he’ll win all the GOP primaries by giving red meat speeches like his great victory speech tonight in SC.
But then in the general election, moderates, indies and ALL Democrats will be more turned off than a TV on a wedding night.
He gives Obama such a smackdown that even squishy independents have a Eureka moment and say to themselves, “Self? I may have really misjudged this Newt chap all along!”
Chances of that happening? Who knows. SC voters called him electable, but they’re just knuckle-dragging Republicans who will vote for a corner mailbox over Obama.
Can Newt win the 65% of America that doesn’t hate Obama with the white-hot passion of 1,000 suns?
Let’s nominate him to find out!
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(cross-posted at IMAO, which you should read daily)