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MEMBER DIARY

CAGW “Waste Watch” Pork Book Out, in Case You Follow Your Taxes

Awards go to Diane Watson (D-CA)–Lights! Cameras! Earmarks!  for $100,000 for at-risk youths to explore film careers (Oliver Stone hasn’t created enough of his own American history)

Kudos to Tom Harken (D-IA)–Narcissist Award for $7,000,000 for the Tom Harkin Grant program (I thought we only named things after people when they were dead)

Jekyll and Hyde Statuette to Leonard Lange (R-NJ–a state after my own heart) for pledging not to appropriate earmarks for a year and then taking $21,000,000 (But he only took a bite)

Some other pork you are paying for in this non-budget budget are

$29,992,00 for Thad Cochran of MI (a Republican) that includes $231.000 for e-commerce research to teach people how to use computers (Don’t schools do that?)

$15,614,00 for Democrat-deceased Robert Byrd (never say what men do doesn’t live after them) including $400,000 for a computer vision engineer (Did the Congress just discover computers? Where Byrd is I think they’ll melt)

$12,500,000 for Republican Sam Brownback (isn’t he a conservative?) that includes $250,000 to study out-migration of workers from Kansas and $1,000,000 to study phosporous reduction (The use of fertilizers?)

$61,600,000 for another Republican, Richard Shelby, that includes $1,000,000 for Tools for Tolerance (that’s an educational program to teach teens how to hug without using X), $200,000 for drug rehab for meth tweakers, and another $200,000 for after-school anti-juvenile delinquency programs (Now I know where midnight basketball went)

$17,895,000 for, at least he’s a Democrat, Bill Nelson, with $250,000 for turtle protection and (this next must be a bargain) $50,000 for an electronic logbook for a Gulf of Mexico fishery (They’ll have to rinse it first this season)

$500,000 for Madelaine Bordallo (thank heavens this one is a Dem.) for brown tree snakes (For anyone who might wonder if they should be afraid of brown tree snakes, they are found in the SOUTH PACIFIC)

Since 1996, fifteen projects totaling almost $16,000,000 have been spent on brown tree snakes. I bet for that money, each and every family in the US could have a couple of them for pets, except you would then have to live on Guam.

$68,819,750 for Democrat Patty Murray (never say women haven’t come a long way, baby) that includes a non-competitive grant of $2,922,000 for a freight access project, $200,000 for a mountain trail (people could simply follow deer tracks for $0), and $800,000 for Downtown Tacoma streetscapes (Are they anything like landscapes?)

Also, RIP for Dudley, pig, a pork mascot for the Congressional Pig Booklet. His partner of many years will carry on the tradition.

The entire report is available at Citizens Against Government Waste, 1301 Pennsylvania Ave,, DC 20004 and cagw.org.

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