April 28, 2012
Yorba Linda, CA
In what can only be described as an election year shocker, Richard Nixon has appointed Eric Holder to be his new Attorney General nearly a week after the eighteenth anniversary of his own death. Although this unprecedented political maneuver represents the first time that a President has appointed someone after having been out of office, (Not to mention for nearly forty years) some insiders are not surprised.
"I think this move is long overdue", says former Nixon campaign committee member, G. Gordon Liddy. "Considering the way those p***ies Mitchell, and Dean rolled over without much prodding, a good soldier like Holder is just the kind of guy that the President needs to cover widespread violations of the public trust...er...I mean have his back."
Many consider the obstruction of Congress' investigation in the the firearm scandal known as "Fast and Furious" to be the primary incentive behind the appointment, those in the know think it is just the tip of the iceberg. Although, the former President could not be reached for comment, sources who spoke on condition of anonymity said that it is a big picture decision. "Mr. Holder has shown that he can both attack the President's political foes as well as be a staunch defender of of Presidential supporters. He should be proud."
The source went on to say, "With the work that Holder has been doing with Voter I.D., Right to Work and Immigration, he clearly shows his loyalty to his boss supersedes his commitment to his country. That's always been something that Mr. Nixon felt very strongly about."
Calls to the Justice Department were not returned.