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The Great Texting Summit ‘09

I hereby request I be appointed STFU Czar

Promoted from the diaries by Caleb

While the Texting Whilst Driving Summit is pretty low on the totem pole of issues and problems, apparently Obama doesn’t think so. And I think it also serves to finally put a nail in the “Obama is SOOOO smart” coffin. Please, can we finally put that to rest? I’ll say it first; as an evil Radical RightWing Extremist, I’m already on the DHS “watch list”, I’m sure. He is NOT smart. He is naive and childlike in his approach to nearly everything.

This inane action is just the latest example. Fox reported this morning that Obama is to hold a TEXTING while driving Summit. All other problems have been solved, we can now focus on nefarious Twitter! Really, Obama? Seriously? A Summit. An actual SUMMIT about TEXTING. My head is fixin’ to explode … oh, man, just Ration me now. Blue or red pill, either one will do.

In the alternative, I demand a Czar position, as I’m an expert on Texting and it’s super cool counterpart, Twittering. Since this, evidently, is such an urgent matter, I’m certain Czars will be appointed. I suggest a wOOt Czar, an OMG Czar and a LOLZ Czar for starters.

As aforementioned, I’m an expert, thus I’d like to be considered for either Hawt Czar, TTYL Czar or the top and most appropriate spot for the big Texting Summit ‘09: The STFU Czar. Actually, the STFU Czar should be a permanent position in Obama’s administration, as should the WTF Czar.

I have some additional ideas for you too, Dear Leader. I think we also need a Summit on fiddling with radio/mp3 player whilst driving. Kindly arrange for that. I’d also recommend a Low Rise Jeans Cause Muffin Tops Summit, as I personally find THAT highly distracting. Also distracting and totally offensive? That whole grown women and men wearing Crocs deal. Summit, please!

I’m sure I’ll have further Summit suggestions for you. In the meantime, kindly advise to whom I should Text (natch) my resume. Thanks much!

Cross-posted at Snark.And Boobs!

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