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[Updated] You just might be a candi-bot.

Jeff Foxworthy infamous for his comedy routine regarding the identification of rednecks has provided a framework in identifying the cultural links among people who have identity markers due to their social behaviors. His mastery in delivery and timing was such that all audiences could understand his quick quips and punchlines that helped everyone understand a little better just how a redneck sees the world.

Take a look around you… “just look around you”… are you tired of the {insert candidate name here}-bot comments? You know who I’m talking about.

I thought we could build a list of “general” you-might-be-a-candidate-bot jokes…or CANDI-BOT that way when dealing with a candidate-bot you can just refer them to your comment…

Are you a Candi-bot? Do you like to take your ball and go home if people aren’t sweet on your candidate of preference?

Here’s a list to start it off…:

If you’re blood pressure rises when someone misquotes your candidate, you might be a candi-bot.

If you like to argue that your candidate is the only electable candidate, you might be a candi-bot.

If your friends and family groan when you mention your candidates name, you might be a candi-bot.

If you’ve missed time from work in order to catch up on your candidate’s YouTube channel, you might be a candi-bot.

If someone made fun of your straw-man argument, and it hurt your feelings, you might be a candi-bot.

If you have no less than 20 cats, you’re agoraphobic, and you don’t play nice with others, but you’re willing to go to a book store to have your book signed by your candidate, you might be a candi-bot.

If you use biblical references to describe the manifest destiny of your candidate, you might be a candi-bot.

And the obvious one: If your handle is {insert candidate last name}4Prez, you just might be a candi-bot.

Join in the fun…

[UPDATED WITH YOUR INSPIRATION]

If you try to remove the oil funnel from another candi-bot’s eye while you spraying WD-40 in your own eye … you might be a candi-bot.

{H/T: CraigPennsylvania}

If you declare intentions to vote for Obama if your candidate is not the GOP nominee, you might be a candi-bot

If you are convinced everyone else is naive because he/she does not support your candidate’s every position, you might be a candi-bot.

If you have the same reaction to an interactive poll which has your candidate in the lead as a teenage boy has when he clicks on a Victoria’s Secret ad, you might be a candi-bot.

{H/T: acat}
If you can’t wait to copy and paste the latest from your candidates’ web site to Red State so everyone can be enlightened, you might be a candi-bot.

{H/T: Lineholder for inspiration}

If you’re concerned your candidate doesn’t wear a flak jacket in front of a live debate audience you might be a candi-bot

If you avoid major league baseball satellites on your way to a stump speech you might be a candi-bot

If you use a proxy to avoid IP address detection when you make a comment you might be a candi-bot

{H/T: Remington Steele}
If your last four diaries are about your candidate, You know you’re a candi-bot.

If you have no diaries and >90% of your comments are about your candidate, You know you’re a candi-bot.

If you have to Kowalski multiple times on a 20 paragraph essay-comment, because you keep finding new ways to say the same thing about your candidate, you might be a candi-bot. (modified)

{H/T: Paula}

If you say things like…’If you met him, I’m sure you’d like him!”… you might be a candi-bot.

If you’ve broken the rules and registered here (or anywhere) under 2 or more ID”s so you can “spread the truth” about your candidate. Because the ends justify the means, right?… you might be a candi-bot.

If you spread the truth by spreading lies about the other guy, you might be a candi-bot.

If you justify your bad behavior, by the election of your messiah, you might be a candi-bot.

If you assume others need to meet your candidate personally in order to seal the deal, you might be a candi-bot. {and also a bad judge of character}

{H/T: SoFiMil}
You just might be a Candi-Bot if you’re mistaken for a troll.
If a site troll asks that you be banned because you’re not with their union, you might be a candi-bot.

{H/T: Runner12}

You may be a candi-bot if one of your closets has been recently converted to a shrine for said candidate.

{H/T: The Kim Kardashian of Blogging – Moe Lane}

If I already know what you’re going to post…just by seeing your username, you might be a candi-bot.

If EVERY SINGLE COMMENT that you’ve ever made has been about [INSERT CANDIDATE'S NAME HERE], you might be a candi-bot.

If your comment about [INSERT CANDIDATE'S NAME HERE] recent policy reversal has ever made somebody mutter “I see that Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia,” you might be a candi-bot.

If I’ve stopped reading your comments because you never say anything interesting about any candidate anymore and never swear, you may be a candi-bot.

{H/T: Repair_Man_Jack}
If you show up at your favored candidate/messiah’s rally and the entire room disperses from around you, you might be a candi-bot

If your messiah catches your eye and face-palms dejectedly at the sight of your presence, you might be a candi-bot

If you wet yourself like an excited puppy when you see your candidate [you have bladder control issues], and you might be a candi-bot.

{Well played! – The practical use in the comments of other diaries}
{You Done Been Banned Edition!}
If you posit a conservative purge on conservatives so your candidate is more electable… you might be a candi-bot…

{You Done Been Banned Edition!}

Now Now Now, if the best you can come up with is “creepy”…your trolling skills are lame, ergo you might be a candi-bot!

{DO YOUR HOMEWORK! Edition}
If you haven’t done your homework and call for the banning of the site’s Editor-in-Chief… you might be a candi-bot!

{MATHS!}
If you make up 22% of your comments with the same 22% comment 22% of the time, you might be a candi-bot.

{H/T: acat}
If the math you use to make the case for your candidate resembles something from the East Anglia Climatic Research Unit, you’re probably a candi-bot.

{H/T:RightWingMom52}

If you never provide a link to anything you claim, you might be a candi-bot

If acat has ever posted a recipe in reply to you, you might be a candi-bot.

{Variations on a theme edition: Issue-Bots (H/T: WestCoastPatriette)}

If you can re-use all of your outdated “raise-awareness” tees to from the last ten years to make a quilt, you might be an issue-bot.

If you have run out of room in your garage for soap boxes, you might be an issue-bot!

{I know you all have a lot more to offer… Keep them coming and thanks for your contributions… A good laugh is good medicine.}

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