Imagine my surprise! There I was, enjoying my lunch at a sidewalk cafe right across the street from a prestigious school of journalism. Suddenly a few feet away from me accumulated a group of journalism students, chatting, gossiping, talking about the latest student parties, all those fun things that make college years so fun. Just listening to them, for a few moments I was taken back to my years in college — what fun I had!
Anyway, these journalism students were on their way to a “brown bag lunch discussion” given by a member of the Pulitzer Prize committee! Wow! Very impressive, indeed.
After they left I noticed that one of them had accidentally dropped a list of current class offerings at this journalism school. As a news junky, I was interested in the focus of modern journalism, so I picked up the list of classes. Here is what I read:
Journalism 101: Mass Deception: How To Distract The Public And Advance The Democrat Agenda. Different news items can add up to a Democrat or a Republican victory in the day’s news. This class will teach you how to retrieve and report only those news items that culminate in a Democratic victory for the day’s news cycle.
Journalism 110: Conformity and Pack Journalism: once sneered at, the so-called “Mainstream Media” now provides guidance to reporting current events, quickens research, and provides career advancement for the journalist.
Journalism 120: Economic News Reporting: focusing on high numbers of homeless and lay-offs during Republican presidencies, rebounding economies and mass hirings during Democratic presidencies.
Journalism 130: The Genius of Joseph Goebbels: Repeat any narrative enough times and even the stupidest news-reader will begin to believe it. Clever political figures have adopted this approach, and if those politicians are liberals then we journalists need to follow.
Journalism 140: The “Journolist”: the importance of a unanimous media front. Not only the news that is reported but even the buzzwords used by member journalists should match (“gravitas,” “political stunt,” etc.) If we journalists get our stories straight, the people will believe what we tell them, and we can reinforce each others’ messages, paying dividends at the ballot box.
Journalism 150: How To Investigate And Demonize Republican Donors. Without such focused demonizing, the Koch Brothers, Foster Friess, Harold Simmons, and other prominent Republican donors might be seen as totally normal people. Dogged investigations and targeted demonizing can change that. Find ex-girlfriends with grudges, fired employees, public records like liens, judgments, and court records. For those records that are sealed, this course will teach the intrepid reporter how to get unsealed records that embarrass Republican donors. Extra digging and familiar officials in high places can reveal Republican donors’ credit and IRS records, and anything else sealed by court orders. When no dirt can be found, it always helps to repeat a criticism made up in The Nation magazine.
Journalism 160: Blowing the Whistle on Whistle-blowers: How To Demonize Whistle-Blowers of Democratic Scandals. Laws protecting whistle-blowers were put in place to protect whistle-blowers of Republican scandals, not of Democratic scandals, because there aren’t any Democratic scandals. Yet, some trouble-makers try to claim whistle-blower status and protections for calling Democratic officials on fabricated misdeeds. This class teaches the reporter how to blow the lid off of any whistle-blower protections of such trouble-makers.
Journalism 170: Selective Outrage: for example, screaming bloody murder about the Bush Administration’s water-boarding of a few suspected terrorists and the ho-humming the drone-killings of hundreds of suspected terrorists and their friends and family-members by the Obama Administration. Unless we journalists focus our outrage, news-readers run the risk of making up their own minds.
Journalism 180: Perils Of An Open Mic: last September, sneaky Republicans left a microphone turned on before Mitt Romney appeared for a press conference, enabling the world to hear reporters coordinating their “hostile” questions for the GOP candidate. This class will teach you what to look for to make sure such valuable coordinations go unnoticed.
Journalism 190: Role changes since the 1970’s: long gone are the days where the journalist tries to get the facts while the White House claims there is no story, move on. Nowadays the public tries to get the facts while the journalist says that there is no story, move on. Will today’s journalist be able to embrace these new roles without getting whiplash? This class will help.
Oh, and by the way, the brown bag lunch discussion that featured the member of the Pulitzer Prize committee, was entitled “Furthering A Lie Does NOT Necessarily Disqualify A Journalist From Receiving A Pulitzer Prize – the case of Walter Duranty.”
Looks like those journalism students were learning their lessons well! This class list explains a lot!