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An Obama Lexicon

What the Democratic Nominee Really Means

We have seen in the last two years that Senator Obama has obscured a lot of his beliefs in the interest of getting elected. When he speaks about not punishing successful people in this country, he has a lot of “ummm’s” and “uhh’s”. Yet he is a very eloquent speaker, and in the small amount of speeches he has made in the past which have been made available to the public, he is without pause or falter in his speech. The difference between the two is that he believes one, and not the other. Here, then, is a guide to understanding what Obama really means today when making his numerous – or perhaps innumerable – campaign promises.1) Health Care

What Obama Says Today: I want Americans to have affordable healthcare, just like government employees have.

What Obama Means: You will not have a choice in your healthcare plan. The government will take care of it for you. Those in government are smarter, and more capable than you are of taking care of your own well-being. The government is also more capable than your employer in selecting and providing healthcare, so your employer will be taxed and fined to provide the health care the government wants you to get.

2) Terrorism/Foreign Relations

What Obama Says Today: We must negotiate with our enemies. Iraq was a mistake, and we need to get out as soon as possible. (This next part also has a part to play in his budget plans) I would balance every spending increase with a spending cut.

What Obama Means: Like all liberals, I hate the military power of the United States. We should not have an advantage over the rest of the world, and bully anyone around. We should submit to the authority and wisdom of the U.N. General Assembly. We should not make our own miltary choices. We will withdraw from Iraq as soon as is possible, to hell with logistics and victory. I will not spend one dime on national defence more than I must in order to maintain my popularity ratings. We will not need a military as long as I am in office since I am such an effective negotiator. This is especially prescient in international relations where I have absolutely zero experience except that I lived in a Muslim country when I was 10. Besides, most of the groups that Americans refer to as terrorists are not terrorist organizations at all. Israel, Republicans, and most whites are the real terrorists. Just ask my close friends, Bill Ayers, and Rashid Khalidi.

3) Taxes

What Obama Says: I don’t want to punish your success. I just want those behind you to get a chance. It’s good when you spread the wealth around.

What Obama Means: I want to punish your success. I want to rob you of your wealth, whether you worked hard to earn it or not. I will then give this to those who didn’t apply themselves, or work hard at all to acheive anything. Alexander Hammilton, Adam Smith, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill and Ronald Reagan were totally wrong. Karl Marx was right.

4) Eduction

What Obama Says: I served on a board with Bill Ayers over education.

What Obama Means: I agree with Bill Ayers on education. The teaching of sound math, science, english, history, music, art, et al is nowhere near as important as politically indoctrinating children to radical viewpoints. We must train these children to be radicals. Radical + uneducated = Democrat Voting Bloc.

5) Race

What Obama Says: We are moving toward a post-racial society.

What Obama Means: Only blacks (black, not African American, since Obama is not an African American) can discuss race. Any non-black who even mentions race is a racist. Period.

6) Bipartisanism

What Obama Says: I will reach across the aisle.

What Obama Means: I will silence dissenting views by reinstating the fairness act, and digging up dirt on everyone from John McCain to Joe “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher.

7) The Economy

What Obama Says: We are in the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression due to George Bush’s failed economic policies.

What Obama Means: I will protect my Democratic colleagues who stood in the way of every reform that would have avoided this mess, and use the current fog of chaos to transform the U.S. into a socialist nanny state. I will still blame George Bush when my plan fails, however.

8) Energy

What Obama Says: Even if we allow offshore drilling today, it will not make a difference for another ten years.

What Obama Means: I hope you have a wood stove at home, and a car that runs on Hope and Change, because we’re not drilling for any new oil.

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