Breaking: Gang of Eight Crafts 7,000 Page (amnesty) Immigration Reform Package
Warning: This diary contains extreme sarc and satire.
Don’t worry about what’s in it for now. The Senate and House will have to pass it to see what’s in it. (That was the wisdom from on high ala Nancy Pelosi — she promised everyone that that would be the only way they could get the dang thing done and out of the way.)
And did you hear about the wonderful new era of bipartisanship that has broken out on Capitol Hill? Senator Rubio was so excited about it, rumors were spreading that many had seen him cracking open a bottle of champagne to celebrate with Harry Reid.
Things have become so cooperative, peaceful and amiable that President Obama cut short his trip to Las Vegas to join the celebration. And as an extra gesture of bipartisanship, Senator McCain is so giddy about the progress they are making that he offered to pick Obama up at the airport so he could fill him in on the details regarding the wonderful open-borders amnesty bill that both sides were able to compromise on to reach.
The breakthrough taking place on the Hill is so groundbreaking, Karl Rove was just on a Fox News Alert with mini-chart in hand showing the numbers of illegal immigrants who will be able to register Republican by 2018 and the impact that will have on the House races that year. By Rove’s estimates, a minimum of at least three seats will be picked up in the dark blue states due to the momentous bipartisan deal that has been crafted.
In the meantime, Speaker John Boehner sent out an email to Chairman Reince Priebus asking him to alert the RNC to all the progress so that the conservative base could let out a sigh of relief and ponder what all of this will mean for the Republican Party in 2014. I mean, surely the Hispanics will love us now, right?