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CONTEST : the unofficial BambiCare “I’ll never get that hour back” contest

Killing an hour - the hard way

By: E Pluribus Unum (Diary)  |  July 22nd, 2009 at 01:30 PM  | 

RESIZE: AAA

Tonight at 8PM EDT Bambi has yet another prime time news conference.

You didn’t know?

Yeah, most of us did not notice either. The networks were rather ho-hum in signing on. NBC would not run it unless the WH bumped it out of the “America’s Got Talent” slot at 9PM. FOX (not FoxNews) refused. ABC came on board grudgingly, after their June 24 prime-time BambiCare Informercial tanked so bad that it was 9th out of 12 in its time slot, failing to beat out a New Adventures of Old Christine rerun for #8.

This time it’s a futile attempt to rescue BambiCare — the unsinkable ship that has unexpectedly had a brush with an iceberg called “The public doesn’t want what you’re selling”. The propellers are already clear of the water, but he’s gonna try his “Hope-n-Change” miracle-worker mojo on it.

You can watch it if you want, but I’m not wasting an hour watching this. Instead, we’re going to have a contest. It’s a contest to fill in the blank for this:

I would rather spend that hour _________________ than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly’s mouth.

Rules after the jump, because NO WAY am I letting you loose on this one without boundaries. Bunch of pervs……

Rule 1 : nothing vulgar or sexual in nature.
Rule 2 : absolutely, do not come anywhere near violating the first rule. If you think it’s borderline, you should listen to that cautionary voice in your ear saying “don’t write that”.
Rule 3 : it has to be something you would rather NOT do. The idea is, I hate doing [________], but I’d rather do THAT than watch the BambiCare presser tonight.
Rule 4 : it’s supposed to be light-hearted, fun, and family-friendly clean. So just to remind: do not toy with rule #1. That includes all bathroom humor, changing diapers, shoveling elephant poop at the zoo, all of it. OFF the table.

Judging:
I judge. The contest closes first thing Thursday morning when I get up. Winner gets a free t-shirt of their choice from my website when I get it running (hopefully by Aug 15). Multiple entries are welcome. What I consider important: how cleverly stated, how creative an idea, and how strongly a person would hate doing it. Also, don’t make sport of my Dallas Cowboys, that won’t get you a t-shirt.

Bad examples:

  • Watching replays of the Cowboy’s Super Bowl wins of 1992, 1993, and 1995. Unless you are a Niners or Bills fan.
  • Beating up JJ Abrams and Damon Lindelof, the creators of Lost
  • Ordering Markos M around while he cleans your house – while you sip mint julips with your feet on the ottoman

Good examples:

  • cleaning the tables and dishes after a 300-person baby-back rib-eating contest
  • jogging 10 miles in Beijing – without a smog-filtering mask on
  • being nice to Jimmy Carter
  • sitting in stop-n-go traffic on Loop 12
  • wearing a Washington Redskins jersey while whistling show tunes from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
  • Diving a wreck without a buddy

You get the idea. Run with it.

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  • K James

    watching grainy 8mm recordings of Washington Nationals games than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    • Jennifer Oliver O’Connell

      reading Nancy Pelosi’s “Know your Power” from cover-to-cover–twice! Than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • victor_cocchia

    scraping the bottoms of feet in a pedicure salon than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • azaeroprof

    shaving my head with a cheese grater and chewing on tin foil.*

    * must give credit to Sam Malone from Cheers on that one, but I use this one all the time. Will submit my own original later!

  • bk

     

  • randy streu

    singing Britney Spears standards in a biker bar than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    • janis

      in a little town in rural Kentucky doing just those songs? Could have sworn you were enjoying it at the time. God knows that big old boy with the vulture tattoo on his chest thought you were mighty fine!

      • randy streu

        I was referring to actual bikers. Not people who just like leather.

  • http://andrightlyso.com/ civil_truth

    having dinner with Perez Hilton…
    watching reruns of Gilligan’s Island…
    going shoes shopping with my wife…

    than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    • Brian Johnson

      No, I must say I’d sooner give Obama 5 hours of my time than to sit a dinner with Perez Hilton. Obama’s an annoying broken letter, but he’s not a vulgar attention wh*** like Hilton.

      OK, I retract. He’s not vulgar like Hilton.

  • Richard Mullins
  • ltcochran

    I would rather spend that hour braiding the hairs on my “butt” than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    One must use one’s imagination when utilizing the word “butt”!!

    ?The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office? Will Rogers

    • E Pluribus Unum

      Come on, let’s keep it family friendly….

  • buzzman

    stuck in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth. Wait……what am I saying?

    • Vegas_Rick
      • seanneal
    • http://dezignworx-ae.com tsquare

      n/t

    • eburke
  • randy streu

    finding a store that still sells Hai Karate than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • WylieJon

    popping pimples on my boss’s back than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • Finrod
    • jimc1969

      I think an aspect of Bambi-care is actually mentioned in that weird Al song:
      “Id rather have my blood sucked out by leeches”
      LOL

    • Brian Johnson

      I LOVE that song.

      I love Weird Al.

      I miss my childhood.

  • Swamp_Yankee

    Getting a back rub from Barney Frank after doing Nancy Pelosi’s make-up first thing in the morning

    • eburke
      • Swamp_Yankee

        The fact that I joked about it was making me nauseous. I wnat to take it back. I was just having fun.

        I actually wouldnt mind watching. A) I’ll see what they are up to; 2) The media may be exposed as biased puppets considering how unpopular the bill is 3) I like watching Obama sweat. Could be a decent time.

        • penguin2

          But I admire your fortitude and will look forward to your input. Haven’t thought of what I’d rather do, but I am afraid of heights, so….

  • jdbaum

    eating vegan lasagna than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    • Brian Johnson

      I spent the night at a friend’s house. Where most parents get their children and friends pizza on such occasion, his served spinach lasagna. I ended up liking it a whole lot more than I imagined I would!

      That said, since it was made with cheese, noodles and lots of other things besides grass and soy-cow, I guess it can’t be considered “vegan”. So I see your point.

  • 6eorge Jetson

  • evanm

    I would rather spend that hour reading Vanity Fair than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • Aaron Gardner

    I would rather spend that hour preparing for my starring role in an off Broadway production of “The life and times of John Sidney McCain: The Hanoi Years”, than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    • Next93

      And if so, would it be based on Chinese opera?

  • itrytobenice

    -bathing chigger bites in alcohol
    -scraping animal carcasses off the Interstate in the middle of July
    -chasing skunks out of a chicken house
    -panhandling in a Boston subway
    -cleaning sand out of the nooks and crannies of my … oh, wait. Rule 4.

    than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    • janis

      is a bad thing? Uh-oh. Remind me to only serve you the vegetarian stuff when you come for supper. (And sorry about that last casserole you had ……)

  • janis

    on “Ten Things I Love About Me” than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly’s mouth.

    • eburke

      that sounds positively disgusting. Yeeesh!!

    • Brian Johnson

      the same as watching “Ten Things I Love About Me”, just from a different person?

  • RyanOHIO

    having Ted Kennedy drive me around Chappaquiddick

    than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    • 6eorge Jetson


      Mike Brady exposes the ruse

  • randy streu

    listening to Mark Sanford drone on and on about soulmates…

  • azaeroprof

    …wearing PJs and cuddling on the couch with Hillary Clinton watching Bette Midler movies.

    …watching a replay of Bill Clinton’s 1988 Democratic Nat’l Convention speech (oh, sorry, couldn’t finish that in just an hour!)

    …discussing Constitutional principles and American exceptionalism with Michelle Obama

    …shampooing Jeanine Garofalo’s hair and shaving her armpits

    …massaging Chris Mathews’ leg to prevent cramping caused by the “thrill” running up it

  • NovaLaw

    … boating with Cynthia McKinney than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    • http://andrightlyso.com/ civil_truth
  • http://www.evanweeks.com EvanWeeks
    • doing yardwork as my wife complains about every detail
    • dealing with a tired, emotional child who just wants to be HOME about halfway through an eight-hour drive
    • soothing bruised egos after a catastrophic communications failure-cascade at work

    than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • redsoilman

    I would rather spend that hour reading sycophantic essays by marxist Harvard Environmental Science and Public Policy majors (but I repeat myself) about Al Gore and John Holdren’s latest bestseller “Do It Yourself Sterilization: Your Patriotic Duty” than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • dforston

    I would rather spend that hour WATCHING BARBARA MIKULSKI BELLY DANCE TO A MUZAK VERSION OF BARRY MANILOW’S FOR ALL THE GIRLS I’VE LOVED BEFORE than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    • eburke
  • rsss

    perform my own root canal.

    I think there should be another rule: no lifting lyrics from Weird Al Yankovic’s song “One More Minute.” Some pretty good whoppers in there.

  • http://andrightlyso.com/ civil_truth

    under the Neural Neutralizer…

    than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    (Or pehaps that’s what I’d want to do next if I did spend the hour watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.)

  • itdiehard

    listening to Rosey O’Donald conspiracy theory on 9/11 and how George Bush blow up the buildings

    than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • Skanderbeg

    …. being Prime Minister of Canada….

    • http://andrightlyso.com/ civil_truth
  • jeepnpat1

    I would rather spend that hour sitting in the front pew of Jeremiah Wright’s church than watch BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly’s mouth.

  • jeepnpat1

    I would rather have an ACORN volunteer come into my home and give their schpeal than watch Bambi Care flop around like a salmon in a grizzly’s mouth.

  • Darin_H

    crawling naked through broken glass followed by a salt and lemon juice bath…

    feed my 6 month old prunes after we ran out of diapers…

    sing the Macarena over and over…

    than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • grumpy_old_soldier

    pulling my own teeth with channel locks that watching BambiCare flop around like salmon in a grizzly’s mouth.

  • TeamNRV

    I would rather spend that hour snuggling in front of a fireplace with Susan Boyle than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth

  • http://www.criterionchemical.com Chemical Sam

    - waiting in line with a bunch of filthy hippies to hear Al Gore speak –
    - listening to Al Gore speak in a room full of filthy hippies –
    - vomiting after being subjected to a combination of filthy hippies and Al Gore speaking –

    … than watch BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • Skanderbeg

    I could say that “I’d rather spend that hour in San Francisco meeting with a team of lawyers”…. except that this is actually TRUE!! 8)

    • http://thefallenworld.wordpress.com/ wayneinnh
  • rgirlinadcity

    sitting with Keith Olberman & Janene Garofola talking about racist, red neck tea b_____s than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly’s mouth.

  • WarEagle01

    spend that hour sitting in a man-diaper watching Zardoz than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • http://www.scottbomb.com scottbomb

    …campaigning for Lindsey Graham…

  • rlhowk

    listening to Michael Moore do a polka yodel about gun control.

  • eucher

    getting a root canal, with MSNBC on the TV above the dentist’s chair, listening to Keith Olbermann interview the grating, obnoxious Hilary Clinton and Barney Frank (neither of which have voices you can drown out with a dentist’s drill), with no novacaine (might as well get used to it) than lose an hour of my life watching Barry “White” Obama charm himself with smooth, melodic lies as he sucks the life out of America’s free market and my children’s futures while gazing at his reflection in the teleprompter.

  • http://edwardcropper.blogspot.com/ edward_cropper

    listening to Joe Biden tell of his youth and how he cares for the common man

  • erod

    walking through Compton, wearing blue and throwing up Crips signs to unsuspecting Bloods, than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    • montanan

      I was gonna say that. Oh well, great minds think alike, right?

  • erod

    walking through Compton, wearing blue and throwing up Crips signs to unsuspecting Bloods, than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • eburke

    Rosie O’Donnell, Whoopie Goldberg and Barbara Mikulski while watching an endless loop of AlGore doing the macarena and “the kiss” than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly’s mouth.

  • popdaddy

    ” watching a whole segment of The O’Reilly Factor”

  • Xasteius

    - stuffing live weasels into my pants
    - teaching basic civics to a roomful of Hollywood celebrities
    - going on a date with Paris Hilton
    - cleaning up after a 3 Stooges piefight with tablespoon
    - writing a paper extolling the intellectual virtues of the Teletubbies
    - sweeping the floor of Capitol Hill with a toothbrush

    than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    • eburke

      as long as she promised not to utter a word for the entire hour.

  • JadedByPolitics

    and I have three men in the house so you can imagine that it is not my favorite items to clean in my house but it must be done so whilst The One is lying I will be scrubbing TOILETS!

  • http://thefallenworld.wordpress.com/ wayneinnh

    grading college papers on “How the ACLU is critical to America’s freedom” than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • http://www.RedState.com/ETCartman Kenny Solomon

    ……..watching baseball.

    The Busting Dread Sux play The Texas Rangers….. I shall root heartily for GWB’s old business venture to reign supreme.

    I kid Red Sox fans, but I really do respect the heck out of their team…. great players, but…….

    My Yankees are on right now and winning quiet nicely, thank you. First place in The A.L. East shall stay in pinstripes this day.

    Cheers !

    • http://thefallenworld.wordpress.com/ wayneinnh
      • http://www.RedState.com/ETCartman Kenny Solomon

        Makes for the best baseball out there.

        Believe it or not, outside of the original (real) Yankee Stadium, my fav sports building in the world is Fenway – I love going there, no matter who the Sox are playin’.

        Cheers !

  • NC_Red_State

    …….sew my face to the carpet and then enter a hotdog eating contest.

    …….get naked and roll around on asphalt in July.

    …….read the cap and trade bill in its entirety.

    ……..brush my teeth with steel wool and floss with an anchor line.

    ……..help a local hog farmer artficially inseminate the herd.

  • deevee

    sitting in a Senator Russ Feingold listening session surrounded by a bunch of blubbering liberals

    than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • http://dezignworx-ae.com tsquare

    - Listening to my daughter’s Ipod

    - Explaining Slim Whitman to the same teenage daughter

    -Listening to the ex-wife scream that EVERYTHING is (somehow) my fault. (never ever limited to things I had anything to do with)

    -Using the good tweezers to pick up after the dog in the back yard.

    -Using those same un-washed tweezers on my nose hair

    …than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • mom2oneson
    • Richard Mullins
  • http://www.skiloveland.com lholsenbeck

    feeding and babysitting non-potty trained quintuplets.

  • http://www.skiloveland.com lholsenbeck

    feeding and babysitting non-potty trained quintuplets.

  • Amy Miller

    …retouching Nan P’s Botox than watch BambiCare flop around like salmon in a grizzly’s mouth.

  • gazill

    wearing Hillary’s prison orange jumpsuit while riding shotgun with Barney Frank on a pink Vespa at a Sturgis Cycle Rally

    than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    • http://dezignworx-ae.com tsquare

      I thought any mention of Barney Frank to be a violation of rule #!

    • NC_Red_State

      A+ post gazill

  • Trelaina

    I would rather spend that hour reading posts on Daily Kos

    than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • kdoc

    listening to William Shatner sing “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds”

  • kdoc

    driving a railroad spike through my temples

  • abbynormal

    lI would rather spend that hour letting my 17 yr old daughter drive me around in MY car, playing HER music, and listening to her gripe about all the ways I make her life miserable, than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    • http://dezignworx-ae.com tsquare

      Done that…

  • julianusrex

    trying to find a saving move in a chess game where it appears my opponent can force a mate against me in two moves.

  • http://impudent.blognation.us/blog kyle8

    Watching The View, while eating a bowl of cold canned beets.

    • kayfromcarroll

      …and listening to Rosie going “ChingChong, ChingChong”…

      How disgusting she is…..

    • penguin2

      beets literally make me throw up. Thus the result would be nausea and vomiting, the same as would happen to me if I watched bambicare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly’s mouth.

  • Aaron Gardner

    I would rather spend that hour harvesting the vast reaches of Henry Waxman’s nostrils, than watch Bambicare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly’s mouth.

    • nessa

      I can’t even remember what I was going to suggest, I’m trying to get the visual of Aaron with his barbeque tongs in Henry’s nostrils out of my head!

      • Aaron Gardner

        I am thinking something more like this:

        Photobucket

        It is, after all, a big job.

        • nessa

          nt

        • E Pluribus Unum

          …..or bad. One of those.

          • Aaron Gardner

            You bring out the best in me….or the worse. One of those. ;^)

          • NC_Red_State

            Gets my vote

          • E Pluribus Unum

            there would be an uncanny resemblance.

    • eburke

      I’m ROFLMAO Aaron.

      I believe this would be Game.Set.Match.

      (and EPU should fork over a 2nd t-shirt just for the pic you posted below; the comment was funny enough; the pic sent me absolutely over the edge)

      • Aaron Gardner
  • uhangtight

    sitting in my black car on the 91 freeway without air conditioning just 15 miles from the 15 interchange in the 110 heat…between Orange County and Riverside County… without a radio or any music just me and the traffic noise

  • http://web.mac.com/mayo99/iWeb/Site/VladBlog/VladBlog.html Vladimir

    I would rather spend that hour watching the TDF Channel* on cable than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    * The Two-Dogs-F(ornicating) Channel, previously detailed on RedState: “Hot canine on canine action, 24/7. Next up, a pit bull & a pekinese, followed by a sheltie & a shar-pei and a chihuahua with a chow-chow!”

    • E Pluribus Unum

      My, on, my!

      • eburke
        • E Pluribus Unum

          which is not a “no”.

  • peacerose

    top-dressing Michelle’s garden with manure.

    • peacerose

      top-dressing Michelle’s vegetable garden with compost.

  • hkowabunga

    slipping Hillary and Rosie O’Donnell a mickey so we could go disco dancing in matching orange pantsuits

    than watch Bambicare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth

  • Brian Johnson

    Watching “Gigli” (Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affliction) followed by a rousing game of repeated waterboarding than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth. Or watching Obama do anything, save getting his sorry rear end losing to the Sarah Palin/Steven Crowder ticket in 2012.

  • http://socratesbox.blogspot.com Socrates

    congratulating Barney Frank on his Prudence and Chastity while …

    eating fire ants …

    with my hand in William Jefferson (D-LA)’s freezer…

    watching the Al Gore Inconvenient Truth mockumentary …

    in a body cast …

    all while being waterboarded by Nancy Pelosi.

    .

    • Brian Johnson

      There was cash in William Jefferson (D-LA)’s freezer. Having your hand in it can’t be all that bad.

      Unless, of course, the rest of you is an entirely different state. That would suck.

  • Brian Johnson

    I’d rather be the brand manager for Levi “Ricky Hollywood” Johnston, than spend the hour watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    I’d also rather spend that hour as a salmon flopping around in a grizzly’s mouth than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • muffin

    roller skating through a herd of wild charging elephants

    reading my entire set of 1954 encyclopedias (no wait…the pictures in them are so old they are cool)

    going to the auto repair store and looking at every single item (shudder)

  • djemi

    watch Al Gores An Inconvenient Truth. I have managed to avoid that so far.

  • Richard Mullins

    Anyone have a good target to shoot at?

    • http://www.marklaiminger.org Lammo

      repeatedly.

      :-)

  • sunshine484848

    …changing Al Franken’s diaper!

  • sunshine484848

    …changing Al Franken’s diaper!

    Here’s the photo:
    http://www.novatownhall.com/blog/graphics/franken_diaper.jpg

  • http://www.czarczarina.com Patrick_Murdock

    I would rather spend that hour watching the Olbermann: ‘How dare you, Mr. President’ video, over, and over again, than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • http://www.czarczarina.com Patrick_Murdock

    I would rather spend that hour in a full, unairconditioned New York City subway, stuck between stations, than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • muffin

    Watching an hour of David Letterman reruns.

  • peg_c

    all of Garofalo’s scenes in this year’s “24″ episodes. Keep in mind I quit about 1/3 of the way through because of her.

  • bricklavin

    end.

  • jerry38

    defending Ron Paul on Redstate…

    writing on the chalkboard 1000 times “the debate on global warming is over.” then putting a sweater on, crossing out global warming 1000 times and writing in its place “climate change”1000 times…

    espousing the superiority of wise latina women…

    teach Catholicism to John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi, Joe Biden and yes even Teddy Kennedy…

    than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • TallChE

    practicing removing my own appendix with a pocket knife since that is what we all will be doing if Bambicare passes.

  • diggins

    having a bikini wax than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • c1212c

    Presenting Maureen Dowd with a Pulitzer Prize for ethics, integrity and relevance in 21st century journalism.

  • ddlbb

    listening to all of jeremiah wright’s taped sermons, turned up to 11.

    • ddlbb

      is the president wearing EYELINER???

  • paint_it_red

    5. On the phone with a machine arguing about whether or not I qualify under regulations needed health care under the Obama/Pelosi plan

    4. Sitting in jail for refusing to subsidize taxpayer funded abortions

    3. Providing some comfort to a terminal patient agonizing over why rationed care does not allow them the operation/treatment they could have afforded previously under their own health plan.

    2. Going door to door speaking with fellow citizens about how ObamaCare will adversely affect them.

    1. Listening to Bobby Jindal, Newt Gingrich, or another bright conservative mind put forward some good ideas to achieve a more positive brand of health care reform.

  • Cheryl

    (this is a tough one) …watching the Giants get beat by the Braves..oh wait, that’s happening right now.

  • KelliP

    1)talking to Michael Moore
    2)explaining details of the tax code with Tim Geithner
    3)taking Eric Holder deer hunting
    4)laughing because Susan Roesgen got canned by CNN…oh wait, did that already. :)

    • KelliP

      I would rather spend an hour with Al Gore at a Kanye West concert…

  • Michael Dugas

    …listening to Reverend Jeremiah Wright’s DVD sermons while Barney Franks, dressed in a teddy, reads me quotes from William Ayers book and Nancy Pelosi does my toenails in hot pink than spend even a second watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    Pardon me while I throw up.

    Decisions decisions…..

  • Jack_Savage

    I would rather spend that hour…

    running with the bulls with my butt painted red

    skipping through the streets of Auburn, Alabama with a “Roll Tide” banner stapled to my forehead

    trying to convince Elizabeth Edwards it’s really not John’s baby

    leading David Duke on a tour of Compton, California

    licking Obama’s TelEPrompTer clean

    trying to catch one of John Daly’s drives with my mouth at point blank range

    listening to Nancy Pelosi expound on Catholic theology

    shouting at Mike Tyson about how his face tattoo makes him look like a girly man

    ogling Celtic Diva while in a thong (either her, me, or both of us)

    …than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • MikeInOhio

    being the last person sent home empty-handed, smelling of sumo sweat and raw squid, from ‘I Survived a Japanese Game Show’…than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • $peciallist

    I watched a tivo of Racheal Maddow’s Sarah Palin special…while giving myself a lobotomy with a shard of glass from a broken bottle of Viche water….

  • usastandup

    I would rather spend that hour throwing baseballs at Janeane Garofalo sitting over a dunk tank than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

    I still have a good arm after pitching for 6 years. Wait…. was I supposed to throw the ball at the red target or Janeane? I keep forgetting which…… No matter since it will obviously catch her up on her hygiene habits. I could sneak some Nair into the water to save azaeroprof the trouble.

  • seanneal
  • montanan

    Going two rounds with Brock Lesner in an octogon covered in broken glass and lemon juice while a drunken Barbra Boxer belts out Stayin’ Alive from a bullhorn stolen from Al Sharpton.

    I would rather make an appearance in Sacha Baron Cohen’s Bruno.

    I would rather drive the backroads of Georgia in a pink Geo Tracker covered in gay pride stickers.

    I would rather be shot in the face with a bazooka and survive to be a semi-conscious vegetable that relies on the British healthcare system to keep me breathing.

    I would rather be sent to prison and forced to room with a guy named “White Power Bill”.

    I would rather spend a night in the “Otherworldly Experiences” tent at Burning Man while sober.

    I would rather be sitting above a dunking tank full of white hot thermoplastic while any one of my ex-girlfriends pitches.

  • Achance

    and its all over. Comrade Obama, on the other hand, goes on and on and on, and I simply cannot stand the sound of his voice after only these few months. Rush has it right to speed up all of Comrade Obama’s soundbites.

  • Next93

    I’d rather spend an hour being driven around the back roads of Martha’s Vinyard at night with Ted Kennedy at the wheel than watching BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • http://www.scottbomb.com scottbomb

    Not that I’m expeciting it, of course. But there COULD be a BIG, JUICY STEAK in it for ya!

    Huh?! What do you mean that’s unethical?! Look, this IS national politics… right??

    [Note to the the unbaptized reader: Yes, this is satire, but it's so very close to the truth when it comes down to Washington politics that my language may be confusing. Ya know, I can't help but wonder sometimes if George Washington is sitting in Heaven wishing the city of had not ben named after him.]

    • $peciallist

      I’m crackin up..

    • E Pluribus Unum

      or that’s actually *this* morning when I get up.

      My official response your note is that “I am not accepting bribes”.

      That’s my official statement. And there was no money in that freezer.

  • mailloux

    riding a bicycle built for two with Nancy Pelosi on our way to sing karaoke with Keith Olbermann at Crazy Jack Murtha’s house, than watch BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • http://www.suvstrategery.blogspot.com SoFiMil

    watching a Ross Perot infomercial AND listening to Al Gore’s PowerPoint presentation.

  • http://groups.yahoo.com/group/republican587/ Elizabeth Christian

    poking both my eyes out with a pencil with one hand, while running my fingernails up and down the chalkboard with my other hand, at the same time listening to MSNBC turned up really really loud!!!

    WOW – really bad stuff but would rather do that than listen to umm well let me blah blah blah as long as I can so I won’t have to take many questions Obama!!! Also, I can listen tomorrow to Rush when he replays it with Obama in chipmunk voice (he is less annoying that way)!

    • http://www.redstate.com/tnjim TNJim

      in the Chipmunk voice. You can even understand him a little better.

      • http://groups.yahoo.com/group/republican587/ Elizabeth Christian

        that you can understand Barney Frank better in the chipmunk voice – I completely agree.

        I must confess however that when I got back in my car and cut the radio on and heard Obama and his chipmunk voice and then it went to Barney Frank…. I lie to you not – I thought it was Porky Pig from the cartoons – I was waiting on – Th-Th-That’s all folks!!! Then I realized who it was & yes you can actually understand Barney Frank BETTER in the chipmunk voice. And Obama is a trillion times less annoying in the chipmunk voice (message still is crazy but voice more tolerable that way).

        • http://groups.yahoo.com/group/republican587/ Elizabeth Christian

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7CclVneVpw

          • http://www.redstate.com/tnjim TNJim

            I long for the day Bawney really does say “Th-th-th-that’s all folks!” and retires.

    • http://groups.yahoo.com/group/republican587/ Elizabeth Christian

      While I am poking both my eyes out with a pencil with one hand, while running my fingernails up and down the chalkboard with my other hand, at the same time listening to MSNBC turned up really really loud then I mute the TV because….

      I am suddenly surrounded by the ones who are crazy and dangerous in Congress who each has iPods given to them by Obama (with ALL his speeches)!!! Yes, I would still rather do this than listen to Barry babble on about nothing for an hour but lies about Obamacare!!!

  • http://www.redstate.com/tnjim TNJim

    de-scenting skunks in a limburger cheese factory than watch BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly?s mouth.

  • Deskpilot

    having a mooseburger dinner with Sarah Palin, cooked and served in the PETA cafeteria in Norfolk, VA than watch BambiCare flop around like a salmon in a grizzly’s mouth.

  • BooBooKitty

    driving miss Nancy.