« BACK  |  PRINT

RS

MEMBER DIARY

The Media Guide to Assault Weapons

By: Joe Cunningham (Diary)  |  January 17th, 2013 at 07:29 PM  | 

RESIZE: AAA

The media seems to be having some trouble figuring out what is and is not an assault weapon. With all attention turned to the subject, those who recording history as it happens need an accurate guide as to what is and what is not an assault weapon. With the freedom of access to information in mind, I have come up with the definitive list of what is an assault weapon. With this in mind, our government can better regulate it.

 

1. Bushmaster .223

This looks scary. Let's add it.
This looks scary. Let’s add it.

 

 

2. AK-47

You are now remembering Goldeneye 64.
You are now remembering Goldeneye 64.

 

 

3. AR-15

I expect the government to seize this post just because of this gun.
I expect the government to seize this post just because of this gun.

 

 

4. Submachine Gun

A sleek weapon of mass destruction.
A sleek weapon of mass destruction.

 

 

5. Automatic Pistol

A favorite of cartels and crime show villains.
A favorite of cartels and crime show villains.

 

 

6. Gatling Gun

bangbangbang
Going old school here.

 

 

7. Gatling… Shotgun?

I... was just typing shit into Google. Someone actually designed this?!
I… was just typing shit into Google. Someone actually designed this?!

 

 

8. Rocket Launcher

It's like I'm a mini tank!!!
It’s like I’m a mini tank!!!

 

 

9. The Needler

Best gun from Halo. Also tremendously scary-looking and thus should be banned.
Best gun from Halo. Also tremendously scary-looking and thus should be banned.

 

 

10. Lord Voldemort

He's killed a lot of children.
He’s killed a lot of children, too.

 

 

11. The Batman

The Goddamn Batman
He doesn’t need all that money, anyhow. We’ll seize it, too.

 

 

12. Rush Limbaugh

You know you want to, American Left.
You know you want to, American Left.
————————
See this post and others of mine here. Follow me on Twitter: @joec_esquire
Tags: , , ,

COMMENTS

POSTING RULES  |  LOGIN TO COMMENT  |  REGISTER TODAY
  • kowalski

    Man, you’re way off. The media guide to “assault weapons” is:

    A) Any gun
    B) Owned by a private citizen that can
    C) Fire a bullet of any kind

    I know, that’s not the definition right now. But it will be. That’s Chuck Schumer’s endpoint definition. It’s also Dianne Feinstein’s. Give it a few years.

    30 years from now, long after the rest of us have given up on the basic possibility of the Republic, someone like you will be posting this to Neurospace through their RealityShunt ElNo (ELectroNeurOgraphic) wetware connection, and it’ll be pictures of various kinds of slingshots in Holographic Haptic-D.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qR7U1HIhxfA

    And that’s all I have to say about that. Don’t say I don’t have a sense of humor.

  • http://www4.webng.com/rickbull/lostlucky/ rickbull

    #5 looks hilarious. It’s a Colt model 1911 45 ACP with and upside down clip glued to the bottom of the receiver, as near as I can tell. The clip doesn’t feed very well in that position, unless you want to drop unfired shells on the ground.

    But this guide gives us more than David Gregory knows, by any means.