Ladies and gentlemen, I have just come back from social media, where I have been informed that we are now supposed to collectively hate Pepsi because someone actually sat down and wrote the following commercial, presented to the marketing team, and got it produced.

That, friends, is an advertisement featuring a #TheResistance themed protest and Kendall Jenner, better known as the Kardashian who was lucky enough to escape that name but unfortunately inherited the need for attention.

Now, our political opposites are absolutely beside themselves that Pepsi would dare try to turn Black Lives Matter/The Resistance/etc. into a corporate opportunity. And, let’s give them credit. The advertisement is terrible. However, let’s not kid ourselves, the scandal isn’t the ad.

You see, people are actually calling on a boycott of Pepsi. Unbeknownst to me, people out there are actually still drinking Pepsi. This shows a deep, deep problem with America that needs to be addressed as soon as possible. I refuse to believe that for one minute a self-respecting officer of the law would take a sip of a Pepsi and not arrest Kendall Jenner on the spot.

Hell, for that matter, I refuse to believe a self-respecting officer of the law would have accepted it in the first place.

America is deeply flawed if this is what is going on in the streets. Pepsi being handed out willy nilly is a major problem and I call on the President himself to address this controversial advertisement and make plans to deal with this crisis.

For the good of America.