One of the few things I miss about television since I gave up my set was watching R. Lee Ermry make watermelons explode on The History Channel. On his “Mail Call” series and a number of special programs, the Gunnery Sgt.’s favorite pastime is trying out all sorts of firearms from flintlocks to the latest rifles being evaluated as possible replacements for the M16. And his favorite target is the watermelon. Gunny just loves to make watermelons explode. So do I.
But you don’t have to shoot watermelons to make them explode. I’m talking here of a different kind of watermelon than the variety that are the old Marine’s victims of choice. My target is the environmentalist watermelon - green on the outside and pink on the inside. Yes sir, those watermelons are even more fun when their heads explode than the garden variety. There are several ways to make them go “splat.” If you’re going to a New Year’s Eve party tonight, single out a watermelon and go to work on him. He should be easy to find. He will be loudly proclaiming the superiority of his Toyota Prius over every other car on the road.
