Most Honorable Chairman of the Republican Party,

First, a most happy birthday to you, sir. And what could be better than celebrating your 52nd in Columbus, Ohio. Of course, the best we can say about that is that thank God you’re actually in a state that matters this year. For today, anyway.

But seriously, it was such a joy to read in Politico about the great two-page spread you received in Ebony magazine. What a wonderful birthday gift that must have been!

On Obama: “I have an enormous amount of respect for the president. Certainly, I admire his achievement. My personal feeling for him is one of pride. At the same time, I disagree with him vehemently on his policies. … I have [Black] Democrats who come up to me and say, ‘I don’t agree with a thing you said, but I’m proud that you are chairman of the RNC.’”

Whew. I for one am so relieved that you’re making such personal inroads among black Democrats who have no intention of supporting the Republican Party. Finally, a suitable answer to the common question: “Why does Michael Steele suck so much at fundraising?”

Seriously, would you please just STFU and get back to the business of the Republican Party? Not the part where you personally enrich yourself at the expense of getting Republicans elected. And not the part where you purge or meddle with really smart professional staff. But the part of making the case for the Party and getting our candidates the resources they need to win.

You should thank your lucky stars every day for Haley Barbour, Ed Gillespie, and Karl Rove. I hope you send them each 1/3 the (quite generous) salary you earn every month. Without them, you are irrelevant.

Again, Happy Birthday.