After all the ink, digital and real, that has been spilled by both sides of the waterboarding debate, it has become obvious to me that the two sides of the debate will never reach a perfect agreement. In the spirit of bipartisanship, then, I humbly offer the following compromise solution: we conservatives will work to make sure that waterboarding remains safe, legal, and rare. Now, when Bill Clinton offered this compromise solution on abortion, he was criticized for not explaining exactly what this meant. Allow me to clear up any confusion ahead of time and explain exactly what is meant by “safe, legal, and rare,” in this context.
1. Safe. No one is pro-waterboarding. However, we need to accept that in these desperate times, waterboarding is going to happen. Making waterboarding illegal will not prevent waterboarding, it will merely force those who are going to waterboard to perform “back alley waterboardings,” where the unsanitary conditions might pose a health risk of infections or death to the waterboarder. Instead of forcing waterboarders into these shameful conditions, we will ensure that stringent regulations are passed governing the process of waterboarding so that those who want to waterboard can do so in clean facilities where there is absolutely no risk to their health at all. No one wants to return to the dark days of waterboarding performed in mold-infested cells in a hidden prison in Cuba, and conservatives will work to ensure that waterboarders are never forced to return to those days.
2. Legal. Conservatives believe that waterboarding is too important of an issue to be left in the hands of State governments, or even Congress. Access to legal waterboarding is so important, so fundamental, that it must remain in the hands of an organization far removed from unsightly democratic pressure: the Supreme Court. Accordingly, conservatives will only support judicial nominees who promise, in advance of their confirmation, to find a right to legal waterboarding in the constitution, and vote to uphold the existence of such right in perpetuity, no matter what facts about waterboarding may be revealed by science in the future.
3. Rare. Conservatives promise to work to keep waterboarding at least as rare in the United States as abortion. Accordingly, conservatives are willing to set a benchmark of less than 1.2 million waterboardings per year in the United States, and to work to achieve that goal. We will oppose, however, any government intervention whatsoever that might actually prevent someone from waterboarding another person. We believe that the choice for whether to waterboard or not is an intensely personal choice and the government has no right to, for instance, require a waterboarder to receive information about the health effects of waterboarding, require waterboarders under the age of 18 to receive parental consent before waterboarding, or prevent waterboarding of humans over the age of 60. All such restrictions would of course be unconstitutional and would violate the most imporatant aspect of “safe, legal, and rare” - “legal.”
Moreover, it is obvious to any thinking person that making waterboarding illegal and throwing waterboarders in jail would not do anything to reduce the incidence of waterboarding whatsoever. Nor would so-called “nation-building programs,” which foolishly insist that Islamist jihadis can be convinced to “just say no” to murdering women, homosexuals, and moderate Muslims. Rather, conservatives support real, effective programs that would actually reduce the incidence of waterboarding, like refusing to accept surrenders of Geneva Convention violators, shooting of captured Geneva Convention violators on the battlefield , the “alternative to waterboarding facility,” otherwise known as Gitmo, and “waterboarding Plan B,” in which the waterboarded person ingests 45 gallons of water immediately after capture.
It is time for us to move past the wedge rhetoric that has divided this country for too long on the vital issue of waterboarding. I call upon liberals of good faith to abandon their extremist absolutism on waterboarding and meet us halfway. In the new post-partisan era of Obama, let us work together as conservatives and liberals toward a reasonable compromise position on waterboarding - a position where we can all agree that waterboarding should be “safe, legal and rare.”

Abstinence would work...
Crowe Tuesday, May 5th at 8:47AM EDT (link)If only we had a world where people could or would refrain from planning terrorism we wouldn’t need to use techniques like waterboarding, or “walling,” or other scary but non-lethal measures of interrogation. But we don’t. People are just going to plan terrorism because they simply want to plan terrorism. It’s human nature. It’s the way things are in the “real world.” Those religious fanatics have got to get over their ridiculous ideals that we can have a world where no one plans terrorism, but that’s just not realistic. At least by using techniques like waterboarding we can avoid the punishment on society of fully realized acts of terrorism.
“We sleep soundly in our beds only because
rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence upon those who would do us harmDear Leader Obama gives us leave to do so.”Great contrast.
Justin_Case Tuesday, May 5th at 9:25AM EDT (link)It illustrates the insanity in those who want to “protect” the “right” to kill millions of unborn children each year, while getting all worked up about water boarding those who would slit their throats and record it on video.
The real terrorists
Socrates Tuesday, May 5th at 9:58AM EDT (link)… are those left-wing feminist nuts who are out there bombing the waterboarding facilities. These waterboarders are just minding their own business, enhancing their interrogations, when BAM!, someone throws a pipe bomb into their clean, well-lit waterboarding parlor. Or some left-wing feminist nut drops an F-bomb on their blog. That’s the true terrorism.
–
Gone 2500 years, still not PC.
I paid for it myself
ss396 Tuesday, May 5th at 11:04AM EDT (link)Ever have a colonoscopy?
If you pay people to sit on their duffs, you cannot be surprised when they do.
We need the FTWA now
Lammo Tuesday, May 5th at 12:26PM EDT (link)Freedom To Waterboard Act - - make it clear that there can be no restrictions on waterboarding, that it’s a fundamental right. Oh yeah, we need to eliminate conscience clauses that allow interrogators to refuse to waterboard based on religious convictions. And, while we are on religion, shame on the Church for calling out politicians who are personally opposed to waterboarding but recognize everyone’s right to choose.
ACORN: Association of Criminals Obama Represented in the Nineties. (jupitersuite)
Don’t be so open minded that your brains fall out. (Fr. John Corapi, SOLT)
Crime never takes a holiday. (Dennis J. O’Shea, R.I.P.)
Unlawful is against the law. Illegal is a sick bird. (Ooold joke)
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. (Groucho Marx)
Best. Post. Ever. (Plus may I humbly offer a proposed addition?)
bk Tuesday, May 5th at 12:52PM EDT (link)Deciding to exercise one’s Constitutional right to waterboard is a highly personal decision. Some restrictions on activities that might be seen as interfering with that personal decision are needed. Any group that wants to stand outside waterboarding clinics in order to pass out allegedly “educational” or “informational” materials or to engage in alleged “counseling” of waterboard practitioners must be forced away to such a distance that they are not seen as interfering with the free exercise of waterboarding.
An excellent post Leon, but I would prefer a different approach.
mbecker908 Tuesday, May 5th at 1:00PM EDT (link)Instead of “waterboarding”, we should employ abortion “providers” and use techniques such as those approved by pro-choice advocates (that would be democrats) on the unwanted cell masses that they deal with every day. You know, like chopping their limbs off.
You're the killing the party
savethegop Tuesday, May 5th at 4:04PM EDT (link)Please don’t try to speak for all of us when you advocate toture with phrases such as “we conservatives will work to make sure that waterboarding remains safe, legal, and rare”. It’s hard enough trying to get support for this party without people voicing support for those acts which we would dispise in others.
You're the killing the party
savethegop Tuesday, May 5th at 4:04PM EDT (link)Please don’t try to speak for all of us when you advocate toture with phrases such as “we conservatives will work to make sure that waterboarding remains safe, legal, and rare”. It’s hard enough trying to get support for this party without people voicing support for those acts which we would dispise in others.
You've been sitting here a whole week waiting to say that!
Achance Tuesday, May 5th at 4:08PM EDT (link)Thank you for you expression of concern.
In Vino Veritas
think it might be rhetorical?
gonzo55 Tuesday, May 5th at 4:12PM EDT (link)savethegop:
I take this post as being about infanticide and bizarre legal maneuvering to fit TheOne’s ends, not torture per se. I for one feel there may be room in the Republican party for those who are against torture.
“Facts are stubborn things” — Ronald Wilson Reagan
Room in the party
dgulla Tuesday, May 5th at 4:27PM EDT (link)Gonzo55:
Your post is absurd. I am all for a big tent, but a political party has to have a few non-negotiable pillars. To be a Republican, you must be strong on life, pro-freedom, for family values, and for a strong national defense. You are proposing allowing those who would weaken America to have a voice in the party. Not on MY watch.
You guys are all tied up in your own underwear.
Flagstaff Wednesday, May 6th at 12:04AM EDT (link)But I’m against torture, and I’m for waterboarding. I think they both should be “safe, legal and rare,” under the right circumstances.
Pluto, the Ninth Planet - Forever!
Hahahahahah!
bs Wednesday, May 6th at 9:53AM EDT (link)Here’s what I say to that:
Screw “moral authority”.
Decorum is fo’ suckas
My understanding of this piece
LibRick Tuesday, May 5th at 4:13PM EDT (link)is that by plugging in waterboarding for abortion, a clear dissonance of argument made by the left is well illustrated.
If that is the case then to be pro-abortion would mean you would be pro- waterboarding, for consistency’s sake. So by the same reasoning shouldn’t those that are pro-life be anti-waterboarding?
No LibRick because those of us pro-life are not killing...
JadedByPolitics Tuesday, May 5th at 4:29PM EDT (link)terrorists with waterboarding! I personally would love to kill the terrorists but it seems the federal government does not. I might also get you to see the difference vis a vis the innocent and the murderous. You know those infants don’t get a chance to beg for their lives now do they?
Whoever has his enemy at his mercy &
does not destroy him is his own enemy
Partially off topic and
LibRick Tuesday, May 5th at 5:18PM EDT (link)perhaps a bit of a thread jack but since I regularly read and respect your views I’d like you to know:
I’m personally against abortion of any kind at anytime. My family is too, as is my extended family. To my knowledge no one in my extended family or whole family tree has ever even considered abortion as an option. We’re Italian-Roman Catholics and we live our faith. My wife and I, for more than 50 years.
Just thought you might like to know.
Its cool LibRick...
JadedByPolitics Tuesday, May 5th at 10:28PM EDT (link)I just wanted to answer your question
OBTW thanks for the kind words I appreciate it! and WOW 50 years that is something to CROW about!
Whoever has his enemy at his mercy &
does not destroy him is his own enemy
My last line came out wrong...
LibRick Wednesday, May 6th at 7:34AM EDT (link)over 50 years as Catholics…only been married for 30 years.
Well 30 years is nothing to scoff at either :)....nt
JadedByPolitics Wednesday, May 6th at 9:08AM EDT (link)…
Whoever has his enemy at his mercy &
does not destroy him is his own enemy
Oh is that what he was trying to do?
bk Tuesday, May 5th at 4:29PM EDT (link)I never noticed the connection.
(* rolls eyes *)
Hey bk I was just ..
LibRick Tuesday, May 5th at 4:56PM EDT (link)stating the intention of the piece as I perceived it in order to be clear. I expressed no opinion on the matter, just took it as a simple logical exercise.
I try to be clear, maybe sometimes simplistic., I am lib and I like this site and respect all the opinions on it so I’d rather be perceived as a simpleton than a troll .
“Simpleton,” now there’s an opening for everyone to take shots :)!
I see this as a Saturday Night Live
Flagstaff Wednesday, May 6th at 12:07AM EDT (link)weekend update editorial. Too bad they’d never use it.
Great job, Leon.
Pluto, the Ninth Planet - Forever!
Conservatives on the air should be better prepared on this topic.
Flagstaff Wednesday, May 6th at 1:07AM EDT (link)Sean Hannity let an easy one get by him this evening. Democrat Steve Murray claimed that “we prosecuted the Japanese for waterboarding [after WWII] because we thought it was torture, and it was.” Sean just ignored it and went on with his own talking points.
What should have happened was for Sean to point out that what the Japanese did during WWII was far removed from the procedure we do now that is called waterboarding. Until we start correcting the misstatements, obfuscations, and outright lies of the unscrupulous or uninformed left, we are simply abdicating the field and letting them win without a fight.
Conservative spokesmen must get all the facts, study the claims that have been made in Democrat talking points, and learn how to refute them. The ones that are based on falsehoods of one kind or another should be easy to counter. It’s unconscionable to let them go without protest.
Pluto, the Ninth Planet - Forever!
agreed, but I think that even better arguments are
Mike gamecock DeVine Wednesday, May 6th at 1:12AM EDT (link)a) to compare waterboarding to The Rack and other real tortures
and b) that us special forces train by being waterboarded and that no one volunteers for actual digit removal, disfigurement and excruciating pain for hours
and Hannity needs to quit comparing waterboarding to killing enemies in custody
concentrate on how waterboarding is not torture
and even if we had once mis-defined it as such, that should not bind us now
Mike DeVine’s Examiner.com, Charlotte Observer and The Minority Report columns
“One man with courage makes a majority.” - Andrew Jackson
Key comment:
Flagstaff Wednesday, May 6th at 3:04AM EDT (link)“waterboarding is not torture.”
But I still say that it’s also key to not let the misstatements and outriight lies get by without correction. By accepting the statement, he left the impression it was valid, which it wasn’t. That’s not the first time I’ve heard that claim, either, and it was challenged that time, which is the only reason I knew it was wrong.
I did like the woman, Pamela Geller, of Atlasshrugs.com. She was brief and to the point. Greg Buttle was pretty good, too–”Cane ‘em.” And I missed the name of the Democrat. It was Steve Murphy.
I would also like to see one of us, whether Sean or Glenn or anybody, volunteer to be waterboarded on TV. It would pretty much shut up the claims of both being “chicken-hawks” and that waterboarding is torture.
Pluto, the Ninth Planet - Forever!
A Kowalski--This reply got disconnected from your comment above, GC.
Flagstaff Thursday, May 7th at 7:40PM EDT (link)But my suggestion that some of us should volunteer to be waterboarded was answered by Ann Coulter Wednesday night. She claimed that many news people have already dones so. I wish I had some confirmation and video to prove it.
Pluto, the Ninth Planet - Forever!
There is a video of a prominent reporter but I can't remember
Mike gamecock DeVine Thursday, May 7th at 8:40PM EDT (link)who.
Mike DeVine’s Examiner.com, Charlotte Observer and The Minority Report columns
“One man with courage makes a majority.” - Andrew Jackson
The unstated corollary re waterboarding and true torture
Mike gamecock DeVine Thursday, May 7th at 8:40PM EDT (link)no one volunteers for the latter
Mike DeVine’s Examiner.com, Charlotte Observer and The Minority Report columns
“One man with courage makes a majority.” - Andrew Jackson
McCain's opinion notwithstanding,
Flagstaff Friday, May 8th at 12:11PM EDT (link)it is not only counterproductive to call waterboarding “torture,” it doesn’t stand the test of logical examination.
Nobody (except a masochist) volunteers for torture.
Pluto, the Ninth Planet - Forever!
Another Kowalski--I seem to remember that even McCain
Flagstaff Friday, May 8th at 12:12PM EDT (link)agrees that there are times when “extreme measures” are justified.
Pluto, the Ninth Planet - Forever!