The word honor can take on several definitions. Merriam-Webster online provides ten possible definitions among which are:
1. Reputation, as in someone’s good name
2. Some privilege, like dining with a dignitary
3. A person of superior standing; for example, a judge
4. Chastity and purity
5. Integrity, as in honoring a commitment
Honor has a lot to do with marriage as a sacrament. The particular definition of honor that pertains to marriage is the one about integrity and having the wherewithal to both recognize and then keep a commitment. Unfortunately, the meaning of honor with respect to marriage has been diluted nearly to the point of irrelevancy, thanks to the handiwork of the sexual revolution.
Make no mistake. We are born with obligations . . . commitments that we are expected to keep, but are free to reject. For instance, we are obligated (a commitment, if you will) to worship the Lord our God. We are also under an obligation to look to God as the author and embodiment of truth and then to obey Him. He is Lord and we are not. We have a commitment to do what ought to be done according to God’s moral order. We, however, repeatedly and pathetically fail, but that doesn’t mean the obligation/commitment is any less real. It just means that without God, we are hopeless.
In the Sacrament of Marriage, the supernatural bursts into the natural world. That, after all, is precisely what a Sacrament is. It’s a material expression of a supernatural reality. In the case of marriage, the union of man and wife is nothing less than a material expression of the Holy Trinity. Yes, it really is that fantastic . . . too good to be true, yet it is.
In three beautiful ways, marriage reflects the Trinity.
Just as God is a unity, so is the union of marriage. God is 3 persons (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) in one divine nature. In marriage, the two human beings, both made in the image and likeness of God, become one flesh . . . especially so in the intimacy of sex.
Marriage is also a training ground where love goes from Eros (the form of love that’s inherent and native to the material world) to Agape (the form of love that is inherent to the Trinity . . . which is like the very atmosphere of Heaven). Precisely because we are made in the image and likeness of God, we are capable, with God’s grace, to love supernaturally . . . a love that is truly perfect and selfless. When St. Francis of Assisi famously kissed a leper, he was not in the grips of Eros, for Eros would turn away from the horror of a living human being draped in rotting flesh. Instead, St. Francis was in the grips of God and experiencing Agape. He saw past the disease and to the loveliness of a human soul indelibly stamped with the Imago Dei. The vocation of marriage enables this kind of love, just as a baseball stadium enables a baseball game; it’s the most suitable kind of environment.
Marriage also mirrors God in its fertility for life. From marriage come children. From God comes all life, which is an activity that God engages in aplenty. When man and woman unite in the marital embrace, they do nothing short of participating in bringing about new and immortal life by our Creator, God.
So, in brief, I’ve attempted to explain why marriage is so unique and special. Now, I want to point out a reason why it’s currently so damaged and threatened as an institution.
The sexual revolution has instilled in us a notion that premarital sex is A-OK, perfectly normal, and a good trial run for compatibility before marriage. We have fallen for that snake-oil lie, hook, line, and sinker. In truth, pre-marital sex hampers a healthy marriage as sure as blindness hampers the successful navigation of an automobile.
Here’s how: Because, in short, premarital sex is a blatant lie using the language of the body and the breaking of a commitment. Thus, anyone thoroughly engaging in it handicaps the health of their future marriage.
The commitment part is difficult to fully appreciate as we are horse-blinded by time. We’re stuck in it. We can’t change the past and can’t know the future. But, we are still obligated to commitments even when they are future ones. For example, even though we are consciously aware of only right now, this very instant . . . today . . . we are nonetheless obligated to worship the Lord our God tomorrow and to keep his commandments. The future commitment is no less real or binding than the past or the present. Our limited perspective doesn’t change the reality of the commitment, nor its gravity, nor its application to every moment of our lives.
If marriage is your vocation in life . . . in other words, if that is your best training ground in Agape . . . then your commitment to your future spouse doesn’t begin when you say “I do.” Rather, it has always been there. Premarital sex trashes that commitment, even if marriage is years away and you haven’t even met your one and only. Your fallen self is stuck in time, but God is not, nor is his Sacrament, the institution of marriage.
Pre-marital sex is also a lie using the language of the body. This truism was beautifully explained in the writings of the late Pope John Paul II concerning the Theology of the Body. Just as you can lie with words, you can lie with the intimacy of the body. Premarital sex, in effect, says, “I am committed to you . . . the two shall become one flesh . . . and I love you not in mere Eros, but in Agape,” but it doesn’t really mean it. It’s a lie. The real message of pre-marital sex is that, “I do not honor commitments, but I do lust for bodily pleasures. You have a body that I can pleasure myself with, but please, do care to check your soul, especially that Imago Dei thingy at the door to the bedroom. Thanks.”
That sounds pretty harsh, but lying is typically not a pretty thing, especially when it’s done sans words and instead with the intimate aspects of the human body.
This sort of a message about chastity before marriage in order to shore up eventual marriages is, these days, quite foreign and exotic. It has been made strange by the sexual revolution’s wicked trick of transforming hedonism and Utilitarianism into virtue, reason, and healthy habits. Satan is many things, but an idiot isn’t one of them.
Reminding people about honor and truth and how that ties into the commitment of marriage will make for healthier marriages and stronger families. And, it’s the family that’s the building block of a healthy society, family by family, brick by brick. If the bricks are soft and weak, the foundation will surely crumble.
This diary is intended for conservatives of faith. If you’re of the atheistic bent or an agnostic, you’ll likely reject nearly everything I’ve written. If all of reality is only what’s materially before you, then speaking of honoring future, divinely mandated commitments does not make for a powerful argument. If however you’re a Christian, then it does and it should. And, too many Christians, thanks to the sexual revolution, have been fooled into thinking that premarital sex is no big deal. Au contraire.