Joe and Jill Biden dropped in on Dick and Lynn Cheney today at the U.S. Naval Observatory on Thursday. I could argue that the following transcript accurately reflects what was said, and it just might in a parallel universe, but, alas, this is satire.
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DOORMAN: Mr. Vice President, Mrs. Cheney, the Bidens are here for the tour of the Naval Observatory.
LYNN CHENEY: Show them in, jeeves.
JOE BIDEN: Pardon me, but Jilly and I have taken the liberty of letting ourselves in.
JILL BIDEN: I don’t much like these drapes.
JOE BIDEN: I’m a working class guy, Jill. We’ll buy new ones at Scranton Draperies & Curtains, where I was born, in Scranton, PeeAy.
JILL BIDEN: Don’t much care for Scranton, PeeAy.
JOE BIDEN: The people of Scranton, bless their little hearts, are all morons. Like the vice president, most dangerous people in the history of American history.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: The campaign’s over, Joe.
JOE BIDEN: Oh, I meant what I said, alright. You’re a dangerous man, Dick Cheney. I’m carrying Red Peas and a Crucifix. I’m Roman Catholic, you know, just like the Pope, bless his heart, who doesn’t know historical church doctrine on dangerous men, bless his heart.
VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY: You’re here to see the living quarters. Lynn and I…
JOE BIDEN: I guarantee you, Barack Obama ain’t taking my Dunkin Donuts, so don’t buy that malarkey. They’re going to start peddling that to you. If he tries to fool with my Krispy Kreme, he’s got a problem. I like that little coffee and donut holes, you know? I’m not bad with it. So give me a break. Give me a break. I buy ‘em from Indians.
VP CHENEY: Which tribe?
JOE BIDEN: Which Tribe? Bless your heart.
VP CHENEY: Do you want to see the living…
JOE BIDEN: Living room? I don’t much care for those new-fangled high definition TVs. You know, when President Roosevelt, bless his heart, got on the tube and talked about things other than the princes of greed after the market crash of ‘29…
JILL BIDEN: Joseph, Hoover was President when the market crashed in 1929 and there were no televisions.
JOE BIDEN: Do you want to take an IQ test? We’ll sit down and take an IQ test and compare the results, because I think I have an IQ higher than anyone in this room.
JILL BIDEN: I’ve a PhD in education.
JOE BIDEN: Why is it that Joe Biden is the first in his family ever to go a university? Why is it that my wife is the first in her family to ever go to college? Is it because our fathers and mothers were not bright?
NEIL KINNOCK: Where have I heard that before?
JOE BIDEN: Bless Neil Kinnock’s heart.
DICK CHENEY: I want to know if he thinks he’s smarter than Obama.
JOE BIDEN: I guarantee you, Barack Obama ain’t taking no IQ test. Bless his heart.
LYNN CHENEY: I think we should take a look at the living…
JOE BIDEN: You are an awful person, bless your heart, Dick Cheney.
VP CHENEY: Look, you’ve been standing in our entry way for ten minutes. Do you want to see the living quarters or not?
JOE BIDEN: Don’t need to, Mr. Evil. Jill and I are going to divide the house into three autonomous parts overseen by three independent, warring staffs.
VP CHENEY: Fine. Whatever floats your boat.
JOE BIDEN: I like sailing. Sort of. But not wind surfing. You know, Delaware was a slave State.
LYNN CHENEY: That’s not an appropriate…
VP CHENEY: Sometimes I just want to let him talk, dear.
JOE BIDEN: But I’m not dangerous. Honest. Bless your heart.
Jim Kelly
Moe Lane
Erick Erickson
Bless Your/Her/His/Their Heart
BigGator5 Thursday, November 13th at 8:41PM EST (link)I’d take a bullet for Obama, just to make sure Biden doesn’t become President.
“There are worse things out there than reptiles.” -BigGator5
Joe Biden.....<ugh>
Jill1066 Thursday, November 13th at 9:55PM EST (link)I seem to recall during the presidency of George H.W. Bush there was a tacky joke that if anything happened to President Bush the Secret Service had orders to “take out” Vice President Quayle. Quayle didn’t show the right poise initially and he mangled his words on occasion, but he was a smart guy with serious experience on Soviet missile issues.
Joe Biden knows a lot about the world and foreign policy, but his instincts are frankly cruddy: he wanted a nuclear freeze during the Cold War, voted against Gulf War I, agitated to have Iraq broken up into parts (without the consent of the Iraqis), etc. Then there’s his history of playing fast and loose with the truth and putting his foot in his mouth.
The only good thing about having him as VP is that he may provide some comic relief with his inevitable windbag emissions and gaffes. One thing I have no doubt of - Biden will never have the kind of credibility with Obama that Cheney had with President George W. Bush.
BigGator
arcman46 Thursday, November 13th at 9:58PM EST (link)I would have to agree with you on that one. Whoever did Slow Joe’s IQ test must have made a mistake in grading it. I have some friends who are big Obama fans, and they said they would rather have Biden as President than Palin; I thought I was going to pass out laughing.
And Let's Not Forget...
Snake45 Thursday, November 13th at 10:15PM EST (link)…that Botox Joe voted against the Alaska pipeline in 1973. He’s like Jimmy Carter: You ask his advice on some issue, and then do exactly the opposite of whatever he says, because he’s ALWAYS wrong.
Scranton Curtain and Draperies
jonreagan Thursday, November 13th at 11:33PM EST (link)….probably went out of business about 15 years ago, about the same time that Katie’s Diner folded. But don’t tell Biden; I actually think he believes half of the lies that he spouts.
Thanks, jonreagan...
jonnot Friday, November 14th at 9:36AM EST (link)you made my day; I’m STILL laughing!
Anytime, friend
jonreagan Friday, November 14th at 3:32PM EST (link)We’re going to need a lot of humor (and an occasional scotch) to make it through the next four years.