Recently discovered Brian Ross report on Mitt Romney
What follows is the text of a July 9, 2012, ABC News report that should have been aired but wasn’t due to a power failure at network headquarters (I cannot believe this has only come to light now):
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: Special Investigative Reporter Brian Ross is checking in with us with what could very well be the defining political moment in 2012.
BRIAN ROSS: George, we have some shocking developments tonight in the race for the United States presidency. Presumptive Republican nominee Mitt Romney, or at least someone with the first initial M. and the last name Rooney, which we believe could be a misspelling of “Romney,” in 1987 was arrested in Boston for molesting 15 children while simultaneously shouting “I hate black people, Mexicans and Jews.” ABC News can confirm that Mitt Romney was living in Boston in 1987. Back to you, George.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: That’s amazing, Brian. Have you reached out to Mitt Romney’s campaign for Gov. Romney’s response?
BRIAN ROSS: No, George. But we can report that the M. Rooney who we believe to possibly be the same Mitt Romney who is asking American voters to entrust him with the presidency also was charged with masterminding a complicated scam to steal Social Security checks from at least 50 senior citizens living in a Boston nursing home. All totaled, Mitt Romney stole at least $500,000 from elderly Bostonians who, as a result, could no longer afford to live in the nursing home and were cast out on the street where they froze to death that winter with empty stomachs and broken hearts. George.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: Mitt Romney’s campaign certainly should have a response to this, Brian. Have you contacted them for comment?
BRIAN ROSS: I’m thinking about it, George. I have dinner plans with David Axelrod and can’t be late. But what I can report is M. Rooney, also known as Mitt Romney to me, you and ABC News viewers, apparently also hates homosexuals. He was arrested in 1984 on suspicion of deliberately setting fire to a gay bar in Michigan and burning to cinders 23 gay men who were simply looking to meet Mr. Right during Ronald Reagan’s reign of indifference to the plight of anyone who wasn’t white or straight. As you know, George, Mitt Romney is originally from Michigan.
GEORGE STEPHANOUPOLOS: He sure is, and I doubt anyone in Michigan will vote for him now. The polls were tightening there, too.
BRIAN ROSS: Yes they were, George. And do you know who else won’t be voting for Romney as a result of what I’m about to say? Anyone who is against a woman’s right to choose. ABC News has obtained copies of M. Rooney’s tax returns from 1990 through 2009 — the same tax returns Mitt Romney has refused to release – and his charitable donations include more than $750,000 to Planned Parenthood affiliates in Massachusetts, Michigan and Pennsylvania. We know of Mitt Romney living in both Massachusetts and Michigan, and it’s completely reasonable to suspect he at one point lived in Pennsylvania, too.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: Well, it’s now safe to move Pennsylvania off the electoral map from “Undecided” to “Leaning Obama.”
BRIAN ROSS: Good — I mean, that’s right, George. Pennsylvania is a lost cause for Mitt Romney. If your average undecided Pennsylvania voter had a choice of giving a glass of lemonade to a dying-of-thirst Mitt Romney or a dying-of-thirst Jerry Sandusky, I’m sure Jerry Sandusky would be quenching his thirst a lot sooner than Romney before returning to his nefarious ways of preying on young boys.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: Brian, whose nefarious ways of preying on young boys? Romney’s or Sandusky’s?
BRIAN ROSS: Both, George.
GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS: Based on your earlier reporting, I suspect that’s right. Good job, Brian. Keep us updated, and say hello to David Axelrod for me.
BRIAN ROSS: He’s right in front of me feeding pages into the Tele-prompter.
DAVID AXELROD (off camera): Hi, George!
(Just to clear something up: No, this never happened. Yes, it is satire. It’s my own absurd commentary on Brian Ross’ slipshod journalism, and the media’s, in general, when it comes to agenda-driven narratives. I think his erroneous reporting is grounds for him being canned.)
My condolences to the murdered and injured souls who wanted nothing more than to see a movie on July 20, 2012.