Friday is national Same-Sex Kiss Day at Chick-fil-A!

Unfortunately I won’t be attending, just as I wasn’t able to attend Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day today because there isn’t one friggin’ CFA within 30 miles of where I live in New Jersey. As it is, I’m on Weight Watchers. CFA would torpedo my Points Plus for the day in about five seconds.

I am not gay, but I do support gay marriage just so long as government doesn’t get involved in forcing religious institutions to perform ceremonies that go against their beliefs. I won’t rehash what I think about Rahm Emanuel and thugs like him who seek to ban businesses run by people who don’t conform to their ideology. You can read that here.

But here’s the deal with national Same-Sex Kiss Day, scheduled by a gay rights group for this Friday when gay couples are asked to stand outside of Chick-fil-A and smooch to protest CFA President Dan Cathy’s support of traditional marriage: Don’t hurt your cause by trying to help it.

Here’s what I mean: Nothing turns people off quicker than overtly gratuitous displays of public affection, gay or straight. There’s nothing wrong with a quick smooch with your significant other over dinner. But when two people embrace in the Burger King booth and begin smushing their faces together like Hannibal Lecter going after that nurse, well, it’s rude. And it sounds gross! Seriously! I was at the movies once, and the couple next to me would not stop French-kissing. It sounded like a Great Dane was gobbling up a watermelon. And you’re ultimately forced to say something, like, “Would you please cut it out, mom and dad?”

So, if gay couples checker-board the entrances of Chick-fil-A restaurants and begin to re-enact Jim Carrey kissing Lauren Holly from Dumb and Dumber, wide swaths of the population will be less likely to think, “You know, same-sex couples should be able to marry,” and more likely to think, “I just wanted some waffle fries and now have to wade through a sea of stereotypes that escaped from the San Francisco Gay Pride Parade.”

Perhaps Same-Sex Kiss Day will be orderly and respectful of others who aren’t focused on chicken sandwiches or gay rights, but who simply want to eat lunch. But if Kiss Day devolves into a spectacle of outlandish intimacy that disrupts commerce, the kissers will leave the same impression that continues to prevent the same people they hope to persuade from ever taking them seriously.