Used Car Salesman Obama:  “I’m going to put you into this sweet little government ride AND save you money at the same time.”

Gullible Citizen:“Sw-w-e-e-e-et !!!”

Used Car Salesman Obama:  “Here’s how we’re going to do it.  Your house payment is $1500 a month, right?  So I take $600 a month out of your house payment and apply it to your car payment and…… wa-a-a  la-a ….your car payment is covered and you’ve got wheels!!!!!”

Confused Citizen: “Wait a minute, doesn’t that make my house payment $600 per month short.”

Used Car Salesman Obama:  “What are you talkin’ about, your house payment didn’t change from $1500 did it?  So now we take $600 out for the car payment and your house payment remains $1500 and then you got $600 for your car….. va-va-va-vo-o-o-om baby!!!!.”

Not-So-Gullible Citizen:  “I have a big balloon payment on my house coming up in a year or so, won’t this somehow impact that badly?……..this doesn’t quite seem to add up………”

Used Car Salesman Obama:  “Who-o-o-a-a, hold on there now.  That house balloon payment was a problem before I got involved in helping you buy this car.  Since its not my responsibility, the good news is that balloon has no bearing on this transaction whatsoever nor in your financial situation in making this decision…..”

Getting Angry Citizen:  “You can’t use the same money twice for two different debts…. I’m out of here…..what was I thinking, I don’t know how I’m going to make that balloon payment even without this car.”

Used Car Salesman Obama: “Wait, come back here…… watch, I’m taking $100 out of my left pocket and putting it in my right pocket….there, now I got $200 !!!!!!  You’re making a mistake….. your transportation costs are going to spiral out of control……… What about your children?  How can you turn your back on them in this their hour of having to walk………”

House Democrats have been wandering away from the taxpayer funded hog trough on Healthcare Reform, finally realizing that they were being fattened up for next November’s Market.

No problem……… Obama is calling them back to the trough while slopping in fresh buckets of  billions of dollars for the government takeover of student aid loans without having to face a 60 vote cloture vote in the Senate:  http://apnews.myway.com/article/20100312/D9EDAV381.html

I wonder what other buckets of slop he has ready if this won’t be enough: Cap & Trade?  Immigration Reform?  More taxes on top of more taxes?  Now’s the time to throw it all in since the Constitutional laws for the legislation process has been deemed to no longer be in effect for this President and his Democratic Congress……….. but then, people who did not rely on the MSM during the election, knew that the One believed that the US Constitution “represents the fundamental flaw of this country to this very day” http://newsmax.com/InsideCover/obama-constitution/2008/10/27/id/326165

Let’s face it, the One knows how to get them Dem’s snouts back into the trough.

1.  Where’s the money ???????   One year ago Obama began the quest for government run health care.  He was going to to help pay for this by cutting $100′s of billions of Medicare fraud.  On January 28 at the National Summit on Healthcare Fraud Eric Holder presented that the fraud is $60 billion a year or $600 billion over 10 years.  So since it was such easy pickings as low hanging fruit and it has been one year, where is this years $60 billion ??????  Is it already in the Healthcare Lock Box?????

2.  How can Obama continue to claim his plan will cost $950 Billion over 10 years without a CBO score and then claims his bill is lower cost than those bills eviscerated for cost last summer ………. but those plans included the Medicare Doc Fix of $250 billion over 10 years.   Obama’s does not include the Doc Fix, and when included, Obama’s plan totals $1.210 Trillion over 10 years………just like those eviscerated (probably x2).  The question:  Is an apple an orange now ???

3.  Obama previously agreed he is giving equal time to Dem’s and Repub’s during the summit.  He then claimed during the summit when challenged by Mitch M. on Dem’s getting twice as much time that as President his time doesn’t count as Dem time.  So therefore, his berating the Repub’s, pounding home the Dem talking points and interrupting the Repub’s when he is getting his butt kicked to chastise them for trying to score cheap political points, did not count as partisan Dem time.  He is after all, the moderator.  So does it depend on what the meaning of the word is, is ?????

When I am considering a major cash outlay, I responsibly look at my overall financial situation, both short term and long term.  I look at my cash flow, expenses and debts; current and future.  It is called responsible financial planning and responsible financial spending.

Congress is now considering a Healthcare Bill in a vacuum.  The cost seems to be of no concern to the supporters as they claim the cost will be “deficit neutral” and will actually save money; that is it will not add to the deficit and will actually reduce it.  Translation:  New taxes will be mandated and collected and they expect to collect more taxes than they need for their bill, which of course they will use to pay down the deficit.  Putting aside that these cost claims are likely fantasy, there is a bigger question that seems to be ignored.

Where is the responsible federal financial planning?  Social Security, Medicare and other major entitlements are in trouble and need financial aid or significant cost reduction in benefits provided.  How much new tax should the Taxpayers that will shoulder the Healthcare Bill cost expect to pay for these?  What the Cap and Trade Bill costs?  How much should these same Taxpayers plan on cashing out for these?  You know, this isn’t rocket science, unless of course you are trying to obscure and obfuscate the facts, which is likely the case.  It seems like a reasonable expectation that our government lay all of it Taxpayer expectations on the table in some transparent financial planning. 

I will help them get a start on that exercise right here:

                                                Cost                New Taxes     Cost per Taxpayer

            Healthcare Bill           $xxx.xx            $xxx.xx            $xxx.xx

            Social Security           $xxx.xx            $xxx.xx            $xxx.xx

            Medicare                    $xxx.xx            $xxx.xx            $xxx.xx

            Cap & Trade              $xxx.xx            $xxx.xx            $xxx.xx

            Other                          $xxx.xx            $xxx.xx            $xxx.xx

            Totals                         $xxx.xx           $xxx.xx           $xxx.xx

There, that’s not so hard, just fill in the blanks, add other planned expenditures and add it up.  Then we can have some responsible financial planning.  I understand this is terribly overly simplified, but then conservatives, particularly those who might attend tea parties, have to have things presented in a very simplistic manner to avoid confusion.

The last year has been spent by the President and the Congress trying to force Healthcare upon the American people by asking taxpayers to suspend reality and give it a ‘full and reasoned’ consideration in a complete vacuum.

Responsible people do not make major cash outlays in a complete vacuum.  I think it is time our federal government stops deciding ours, our children’s and our grandchildren’s future in a vacuum without the same responsible financial planning we have to do to stay solvent.  Perhaps during the Healthcare Summit you can find time to ask the President to take a minute to fill this form out and then hold it up to the camera.  As long as he is including the American people as spectators, let’s get the most out of this performance and see what all he has coming down the road for us.  He is, after all, doing this Summit to fulfill his campaign pledge for transparency in the Healthcare Reform process…….isn’t he?

Citizens of the World:

After our initial attempts to deflect and explain away the growing scientific scandal with snooty jargon, claims of speaking in scientific tongues and lots of really big words, we apparently have failed to head off the swelling, stampeding unenlightened masses and return them to their blissful state of inattentive ignorance.  Therefore, we at A.U.P.S.L.O.P.T.P. (Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, Luminaries and other Professional Thinking Persons) have decided the time has come to simply come clean with the Truth. 

There is no Global Warming or Climate Change.  Never has been and never likely will be.  There you have it. But of course we were forced to tell you these things for your own good.   We had no other choice than to convince you that you had to give up your freedom, your wealth and your place as a leader in the world to save the planet from Global Warming and then from Climate Change………..because the real truth is too frightening, too fantastic, too terrible to speak of………. too dreadful to have trusted any of you ….. with the Truth.  You couldn’t have handled the Truth.  The stakes involved are too mind bogglingly enormous and so risky that no one but us enlightened and unimpeachably trustworthy scientists in concert with your elite rulers could be trusted with this knowledge.  Only we could be trusted to take whatever action was necessary to Save the World. 

Unfortunately, we have now all been placed in the most perilous jeopardy by some bottom feeding slinking slimy aberrant……….either a closet conservative mole that got through our internal screening process or worse a rabid, radical,  ideologically challenged, blasphemous computer hacker.  But then, I digress from the point of our coming clean in an open and honest manner.  What has been revealed is not as it appears….. it is not a conspiracy of deception……..it is a conspiracy of protection to save you all!!!!!

The truth is that we must stop all man-made emissions of greenhouse gas immediately.  We have no choice.  The true threat that has been too terrible to speak of until now is…………..is…………………is: 

That the entire planet is in imminent danger of being eaten by an enormous mutant star goat!!!  Yes, a space beast of celestial proportions….. bad tempered, with sharp pointy teeth.  It is well known in the scientific community, at least the part of any import, that there is nothing more delectable and enticing to mutant star goats than planets awash in greenhouse gases ……. and the absolutely most irresistible greenhouse gases are, of course, anthropogenic gases ……like we are furiously pumping out.  This goat was initially drawn to our solar system by the greenhouse gases wafting out into the cosmos from the planet Venus.   Sadly, the star goat is currently finishing off Venus and is likely to still be a bit peckish.  We are undoubtedly next…………..our fate looks to become goat dessert, unless we can stop the gases that will so insidiously lure the Beast to our home world.

We know this is difficult to believe……….but then you bought our Global Warming cover story for years!!!!  But now is not the time to point indignant fingers and shout irrational things like “You lying pack of vermin !!!”  Now is the time to act.  We are now free to come together as One World shouting our true rallying cry: On to Copenhagen: Remember the Planet Venus !!!! ……Stop the Gases Now or Get Goat Gotten !!!!!! 

It is such an incredible relief for us to finally be able to be completely open and honest with you……since we must now all come together to join in this epic struggle for our very existence.   Sacrifices will have to be made…… pretty much by all of you.   We have been on top of this for years.  We are humanity’s last best hope for survival.  We are way smarter than everyone else……at least anyone that matters.  The facts are clear and we have carefully and thoroughly peer reviewed….. ourselves.  We have repeatedly reached consensus on the consensus of our conclusions, each time achieving the same exact previously concluded conclusion that we knew we would conclude upon…….thereby confirming its correctness.  But don’t be confused by our highly technical talk; sadly, it is just a language we speak amongst ourselves that is foreign to the outside world.  Simply stated: we must stop the gases now!!  Unfortunately we cannot release our original data, since you do not speak our language………nor are your brains as highly trained as ours……. besides, the urgency and immediacy of the impending disaster would not allow time anyway…….. and besides, the goat ate it all anyway…… 

The Star Goat could come at anytime now!!!…….or it could be on the way even as we speak!!!  If we should, by some miracle of Herculean planet wide cooperative sacrifice and effort, escape the mutant star goat, we can never return to our previous ways.  Just remember……the mutant star goat could always come back……and we don’t know how many goats there are out there……….

SAVE THE PLANET……WE KNOW NOT THE HOUR OF THE GOAT !!!!!!

Good Luck and Thanks for all the Carbon Credits,

Your Servants in Humility at the A.U.P.S.L.O.P.T.P.

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Many satirical hat tips to Douglas Adams