Image Credit And That’s Why Your Single
“I think she’s a lovely young lady and very courageous, and I think she [Curtis] is, you know, a fine character and all that,” said Paul Edwards, a former member of the Montana Democratic Party’s executive board. “I don’t think she has a chance in hell.” – (HT:Townhall)
The Montana Democratic Party has a genuine asset* in Amanda Curtis. I mean she’s way funnier than Sarah Silverman or Amy Schumer. It’s unintentional you say? Well, darn! Here I thought I’d found the Chris Rock of Atheistkult. That’s OK. I still like the woman. She reminds me of a recent funny incident that I enjoyed helping to cause while at work.
So it was last Friday and I went to lunch with three of my co-workers. One of them complained about an impending stint of jury duty. As we dug into the chips and salsa, we commiserated and joked about how he could freak out the attorneys and get stricken before he ever gets to the trial. By the time our main course had arrived; we were engaged in a game of “Top This.” The object was to invent the best simple answer to the question “So, tell me something about yourself” that positively nukes our poor, beleaguered coworker from any further consideration as a potential juror.
The guy from a cube down the hall started. “On those rare and solemn occasions,” He began. “When I’m called upon to dispense justice, I choose the Metallica Method – kill ‘em all!” This wasn’t a bad start. The gentleman sitting next to me went next. “That is good, very good, but Conan, what is best in life?” He then attempted his best Ahnold imitation and replied. “Crush your enemies! See them driven before you. Hear the lamentations of their women.” If this was all they had, I knew victory was mine. “I’d like to share with you my most special hobby.” I started. “Every weekend I go to a different city park. I put pantyhose on over my head, run around and scare people. It really helps me blow off steam and concentrate better at work.” Yep, that would be worth using a challenge on to keep off a jury of your peers.
My friend was only at the courthouse one day. He also never got far enough to get interviewed by anyone’s attorney. But if he had…. Oh, he probably wouldn’t have used any of the three. However, he wouldn’t have even needed the three of us for material. We have to try too hard to come up with anything serviceable. With Amanda Curtis, it’s just stream-of-(un) consciousness Hipster irony. Sure, I should stop being so mean. The woman is obviously three beers short of a twelve-pack and her speech patterns give me a pretty good idea of where she lost them. But that’s OK, as a Democratic nominee; she’s the life of the Republican Party. But I’m still not convinced that she hasn’t missed her calling. With a little coaching, she could flat-out kill over at The Laugh Factory on Sunset.
*-No! Not @$$hat, Asset!