We’ve become a polarized country. Polls indicate that the partisan divide in our country has never been greater. Perhaps at no time in our history has America more yearned for a figure to transcend that divide. We are looking for a singular figure behind whom, we can unite. I submit to you that man is Vladimir Putin. I understand that there are many who would be skeptical of this statement, but please reserve judgment until you’ve read the entire treatise.
With the exception of the polarizing period of the Vietnam War, there has never been a time of greater unity among the American populace than the Cold War Era. Having only come into being as Nixon was skulking out of office, I personally missed a great deal of that joyful few decades; but boy what a great time I did get to witness. Sure there was the fear of nuclear annihilation, but be honest, you too remember it fondly! There was genuine, identifiable evil in the world. Unlike the vague ideological evil that we see today, that Cold War evil was actually tangible. It was the U.S. and the Soviet Union, good versus evil, black and white. Rather than remote control drones, there was the romance of the U-2 and SR-71. Novelists like Clancy, le Carre and Fleming spun tales of men secretly risking their lives to protect their fair homeland.  Most importantly, there was a remarkable sense of national unity that hasn’t existed since Mr. Gorbachev did indeed tear down that wall.
Vladimir Putin is just the man to bring back that glorious time. He is exactly what the world needs, a smug, hardened Russian despot with the eyes of a stone cold killer. In a time when our internal censors are working overtime for fear of being considered intolerant, he’s a cartoonish super villain that we can all overtly despise! Vlad isn’t just the kind of guy who would kick a dog. He would have the dog subsequently euthanized as an object lesson to other dogs that might have dangerous ideas! As far as I’m concerned with every drop of Iranian oil he purchases and every attack helicopter he sells to Syria, I am incrementally closer to, once again, living in the united nation of my youth.