Redstate

Great job, this really made me laugh, except of course the fact that liberals really do think these things.

I was re-programming the Diebold voting machines in my area to give votes to Republicans, and was curious as to if there is a standard margin of theft.  In other words, should we make our election-stealing subtle, or go for double-digit leads?

Also, I've noticed my efforts at disenfranchising minorities and women are lagging as I'm having to spend more time listening to the phone calls of ordinary Americans with no connection to Al Qaeda.  Do you have any suggestions for multi-tasking?

should we make our election-stealing subtle, or go for double-digit leads?

That depends on the state of opinion polls. If the opinion polls - which, as we all know, are sacredly canonical and accurately predict the outcome of the race proper - are close, then don't manufacture too much of a lead.

Do you have any suggestions for multi-tasking?

LBJ ensured that there would never ever be any such thing as poverty ever again (which is why poverty doesn't exist anymore in the US, particularly in Dem strongholds). On second thoughts, you could round up womyn and minorities and get them to do your dirty work - indeed, that serves the double purpose of getting minorities to oppress each other!

HTH.

All liberals are whiney, granola munching, non-confrontational sissies. All drive cars fueled by seaweed and happiness, and -most importantly- all hate conservatives.

You're not so different as you think. We all want the same thing, we just have different methods to acheive the desired end. Stoking the fires of ridiculous partisan animosity isn't going to help either side.

... on maniacal evil laughter.

Heard it had a wonderful therapeutic effect. I want to find out if it would make me more effective in my oppression activities.

Putting gays in concentration camps and throwing arsenic into the water supply is such hard work.

Hey, maybe we can come up with some great cartoons and then claim that the lousy liberals actually penned them and THEN we can throw temper tantrums, just like the "peaceful" Muslims.

Priceless ;)

My Kitten Drowning, Commonweal Squandering and War Profiteering ad-hoc working groups will be meeting as previously scheduled, in the steam tunnels beneath the Dirksen Federal Building, beginning at midnight.

You insensitive, conservative jerks. With all this height discrimination going on in the world, how do Republicans sleep at night?!?

When there is a booster step in front of every urinal and comode in every public restroom in this country, then the midgets will feel like whole Americans. Until then, every time a midget has to use a public restroom with no booster step or midget grab bar to keep him from falling in the toilet, it will be a civil rights violation and a hate crime.

Really, we must remember to steal them from the children....

Is a real problem for the political left. And even if it were true that both sides do such partisan mischaracterization equally--and it simply is not--the fact remains that mediocre Republicans with sometimes divisive policies keep winning elections against Bush-bashing Democrats.

Because, I must assume, mediocrity is generally preferable to lunacy.

While you may recognize that conservatives generally want the same things in the abstract as liberals, and that nobody wants to oppress the poor, make minorities suffer, or to pollute the planet, your enlightment is not shared by the majority of those on the political left.

There are legitimate criticisms of any policy (simply because nothing is perfect, and nothing is without cost). There are areas where any politician is vulnerable. But attacks that compare our soldiers to Nazis and Pol Pot, trying to draw analogs between the rise of Hitler and the presidency of George W. Bush, to suggest that Bush lied to get us into Iraq (because it would be so good for him politically when we found out there were no obvious WMDs)--these things are not rational criticisms from people who just want to get to the truth, or have a legitimate, reasoned disagreement on policy. They are the criticisms of people who see their ideological enemies as evil and/or stupid, and no other consideration need be made.

And trying to paint your enemies with a broad brush may feel good and rile up the base, but does not compel anyone who is not decidedly left of center, and alienates many of those who are not. The constant diatribe about the complete and total incompetence of the Bush administration simply does not resonate. The media found out in less than 24 hours from the event that Cheney accidentally shot his hunting buddy, and Democrats are on message that it's another example of the utter incompetence of the Bush administration. Huh?

The same with the "Republican culture of corruption" and the positively guilty-as-sin-sounding "This is a Republican scandal" when Democrats have been faced with their own Abramoff donation problems. Which is not to say that the Republicans aren't vulnerable in regards to political corruption or charges of incompetence (many people did not see increasing government bureaucracy, in the form of the Department of Homeland Security, as any sort of answer to any of our security problems), but that the Democrats and the left seem largely incapable of attacking Republicans and conservatives on those issues without painting them stupid, greedy, and evil.

The fact is, the Republicans aren't that great. They are fortunate that the Democrats do so much to help them win elections. And the hearts and minds of the American voter.

You think that would make the Democrats and the left like conservatives. Castro has done it in Cuba, and they absolutely love him.

I believe all of these goals, and more, are attainable if you work at Halliburton.

And you'll still have time for a round of golf at the country club.

After breakfast, I've gotta do my regular 8 to 5 gig:  jacking up the price of oil, falsifying accounting statements to hoodwink investors, and generally making the world a safe and profitable place for Halliburton.

You know, with prices at $60 dollars per barrel, spilling oil and despoiling pristine wetlands is just not as much fun as it used to be.

BTW, these brown pelican-egg omelets are a tad rich. I'm thinking about switching to bald eagle.

How could you possibly leave out the War Against Children?  A gigantic blunder.  What's meaness if you not taking food from the children's mouths and repealing the Child Labor Laws?  And you call yourselves conservatives!  And what about the Americans With Disabilities Act, make the 350lb fat ladies sit in the aisles of the movie theatres instead of specially designed seats.  A hobo asks for some change,quote Burke and brush him aside.  Brains we can't do much about, anybody who believes dafedralguvmint has all the answers is perforce more intelligent than us but we can start reading NY Times editorials and use words like disenfranchise and phrases like "eschews ideology".

Stoking the fires of ridiculous partisan animosity isn't going to help either side.

Taking a moment to escape from the serious issues and laugh a bit benefits everyone....

its not surprising we're clobberin 'em here as well as over the air waves......only a small select group can stand the likes of the air america ilk.  there arent enuff of them to provide a viable listenership or readership it apppears......the reason is illustrated in the following true story:

THE REASON LEFTY MEDIA WILL NEVER ATTAIN ANY SUCCESS IN THE COUNTRY CAN BE ILLUSTRATED BY THE FOLLOWNG:

THE OWNER OF A DOG FOOD FACTORY  ONCE CALLED together  A MEETING.   HE CALLED ALL of HIS EMPLOYEES TOGETHER AND  HE ASKED THEM ......

'WHY IS IT THAT ALTHOUGH OUR COMPANY HAS

 1.THE BEST ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN IN EVERY SEGMENT OF THE MEDIA

2. THE BRIGHTEST LABELS ON OUR DOG FOOD  CANS
   
3.  THE BEST SHELF SPACE IN EVERY RETAIL OUTLET.....IN AMERICA.....

WHY IS IT THAT DESPITE ALL OF THE ABOVE WE ARE LITERALLY GOING BROKE

....WHY DO WE HAVE THE WORST SALES RECORD IN ALL OF DOG FOODOM?'

THE ANSWER TO HIS QUESTION WAS PROVIDED BY AN EMPLOYEE IN THE FRONT ROW WHO QUIETLY REPLIED .....

                        'THE DOGS DON'T LIKE IT''

......in short....americans don't like, or agree with  smug know-it -all leftys who throw brick bats from the edges of crowds...... at the backs of  America's leaders..........  great men and women  are trying their very best to do the very best job they can  in very trying circumstances.  (with a great deal of success i might add). The majority of the people of our country  are full of  honesty, patriotism, goodwill and just plain common sense ........HERE'S SOME NEWS:  they just don't go for treason, PERIOD.

are you talking about? I don't think I know any that love Castro. Well, maybe Reno because she sent that kid back to his dad.

Does anyone know the current plan to further cement our hold over the Republican Party and wrest control of it away from the SoCons and PaleoCon (whom with we have absolutely nothing in common)?  My communicator to the Great Rove seems to be broken today and I am unsure how to proceed without it.  As we all know, we are chimps with scarcely a brain between the whole lot of us, yet we are indeed capable of Machievaliean plots of world domination to control the world's petroleum supply; plots so diabolicle, shrewed, and nefarious that they can only be uncovered and publicized by someone with the intelligence and genius of Michael Moore.

Undoubtedly there has been some damage to our cause as the "unfortunate" "accident" which occured several days past by Lord Cheney, Duke of Halliburton, has come to light.  I am most concerned that the stalwart media, those brilliant defenders and promoters of democracy and American values might have a line of attack that could destroy us once they uncover the truth.  

Any word on this matter would be greatly appreciated.

Hail Profit!

Hail Discordia!

Castro would be prize dinner-party catch of the season at 100,000 homes here. He's considered a top world leader, a historic man of peace, and oh-so-sexy with the beard and the big cojones he uses to stand up to the US. Whenever he's here he wears expensive suits too, none of the military-fatigues garbage, those are just to impress the rubes.

I haven't tracked down a link yet, but I saw a brief blurb this morning on the news where they mentioned that 45% of Republicans identify as 'very happy', as opposed to 30% of Democrats and 29% of independents.

Not only loves Castro but, some have suggested, Jim has lusted after him in his heart.

The Clinton's were clearly friendly to Castro. Ron Dellum's expressed unreserved admiration for Fidel Castro. And, frankly, most of the Democrats past and present from California have followed suit. And I have read much rank and file punditry on the left, and had direct (admittedly anecdotal) experience with real, live Democrats that have praised Cuban healthcare and education as superior to America's. Seriously.

I think it would be harder to find a post-JFK Democrat who didn't like and admire Fidel than one who did and does. There are any number on the left who have compared America unfavorably to Castro's workers paradise. Certainly, many member of the MSM are unapologetic in their love of Castro (indeed, CNN's Cuba desk is pretty much straightforward propaganda).

I don't wish to be unfair, though. Castro is pretty good as far as Communist dictators go (compare to, for example, Stalin and Mao).

And reported that the fruitless search to find more poor suckers to do the dying for the Republican Party has continued to be fruitless.

The Armies and deserting in droves and half have converted to Islam and are fighting back against their oppressors and kissing Osama's feet.  We're in trouble there...

On a brighter note, I just lured another 2 brainless automotons into the Army with the promise of college money...

is one of the funniest things I've read in a good long while.

I'm not sure everyone in the middle/middle-left would consider everything the Democrats do as "treason", but I think it's true that even they politically moderate, shallowly informed, ranks of the Well Intentioned, who are easily won over to old-fashioned Democrat platform planks of more social spending for children and higher taxes on the wealthiest one percent, are turned off by constantly negative, highly insular, hyperbole.

Even some outright liberals who actually believe most of the political left's craziness is true don't like the unvarying focus on Bush and the Republicans and how bad conservatives are. They want their guys to come out in favor of liberal causes, like higher taxes and health benefits for illegal aliens and federally funded abortion on demand. They don't want to hear politicians and the press throwing hissy fits about Dick Cheney not telling them quickly enough that he did something stupid. Even though they may agree, they don't necessarily think such behavior needs to be exhibited in public.

Ironically, I think lots of voters would still support much of the traditional quasi-socialism and progressivism of the Democratic party, if they could control their own vitriol and keep their criticisms based on real things.

For example, Ted Kennedy doesn't do the left any favors when he asserts that Alito never found in favor of an African-American in a case on discrimination when, in fact, four such cases could be found in a cursory review. Patrick Leahy doesn't do their cause any favors when he tries to tie together NSA spying and our politically correct random searches in airports in order to suggest that the NSA program is being used to spy on nuns and school children. These are the things that don't pass "the sniff test", and even folks who are open to ideas of more government regulation and wealth redistribution have to start dismissing them.

Because even if you desire, in your heart of hearts, a liberal Utopia, the current crop of Dems and pundits on the political left clearly aren't the folks to make it happen.

While I don't know if I'd characterize myself as "happy" (even though I would characterize myself as optimistic in regards to the future of our country), I was a lot more miserable (and negative, and pessimistic) back in the bad-old-day when I was a liberal.

Which is to say, I'm not sure the 45% figure is high enough. While I would not characterize myself as "happy" much of the time, I'm not negative, I'm optimistic, and I see my situation as largely my own responsibility, and confined to me. And I fully expect my mood to improve at some point. Most of the folks on the left, even those who consider themselves as "happy", will tend to have much more negative and pessimistic outlooks (obviously, there are exceptions).

I have a new way to press the juice out of them and turn it into herbicides and bird poison.

the KnownFacts™ Generator and the PointyStick™ Sharpener and the Conservatives in the Mist™ Binoculars sales booth.

Unless I missed the outsourcing memo...

Kudos to Dick Cheney for diverting the attention of the MSM away from domestic spying into this dead-end accident imbroglio by shooting his close friend.  Cheney was reportedly heard saying at the scene of the "accident" these ominous words, "a friend who will bleed is a friend indeed" as he shucked another shell into the chamber of his shotgun.

I don't know that I have heard a Democrat acquaitance actually praise old busy whiskers, but certainly they are equivocal as to the evil of Castro ("But they have free health care!").  And I HAVE heard lefties praise Che, who is a: not that far from Castro b: probably worse. ("But Che is a revolutionary!")  And for some reason they like to put picutres of the unbathed monster on their red t-shirts... strange.

"they have better hair"

They have hair? That's not very fair.

in Guatemala where we only have to pay 75 cents per day for labor.

And often it seems anything but derision for Democrats is regarded as profanity (or at least will get you branded a liberal).  So be careful.

Also, stoking the fires of ridiculous partisan animosity does help one side.  Why do you think the derision flows so freely?  Making fun of the opponent was the explicit (!) cornerstone of both of the President's electoral victories.  Go with what works, after all.

down here in Texas, stamping 'REJECT' on all those clemency petitions and emergency execution stays, submitted by unfairly incarcerated harmless criminals, who, after all, have been a result of bad upbringing and white Republican oppression.  At lunch today, I'm hoping for an opportunity to kick the cane out from under a senior citizen, whose probably just headed for Walgreens so he can choose between medicine and dogfood.  Might even carry a concealed weapon, so as to oppress the underprivileged person whose shortage of government entitlements might have driven him to knock over the local Citgo.  Then go home and yell at my woman to hurry up with that supper before I open a fresh can of whup-* on her, while I'm watching Dukes of Hazzard reruns.

Then start it all over again tomorrow.

I sold three toilet seats and a coffee pot to the Army in the last fiscal year.  I'm retiring to Tuscany with my bonus.

You probably don't want to climb too far out onto that limb until you find out what stimulated the creation of this article.

Just sayin'.

Beautiful scenery, wonderful food, better wine and EVERYBODY HAS A GUN.

I filled more than my quota in the Destroying Social Security Department for the day and am planning on taking the back-woods home (perhaps chopping-down a few old-growth oaks on the way) in my Hummer.  Hope you don't mind.

Once I get home I look forward to telling my (pregnant of course, but still in a formal dress, high-heels, with flawless hair. make-up and nails) wife to grill-up some cute, furry forest creatures for dinner - after she skins them, of course.  Grilled forest critters - now that's good eatin'.  Hope you approve because, after all, that's what I live for.

Tomorrow, I get to look forward to another glorious day of oppressing minorities, starving widows and orphans, and of course, war profiteering.

Life. Is. Good.

When you gonna tell us? Or am I the only dense one that doesnt already get it?

that the lefty blogsophere is so punk rock"!  (This comes from a fellow with "involvement with the punk rock scene.")

Someone tell this guy that Sidney died in '79.  Punk is dead.  Lose the posers!

Just like most leaders, Castro did some good that deserves praise. He brought the literacy rate up to 90% from 2% Free health care, which is a good-yet-not-so-good thing.

And hey, no genocidal impulses towards his own people so far that I can see...

I wonder if the Jewish victims of the Holocaust felt any better knowing the speed and efficiency in which they could have been moved to the death camps?

...the shark-infested waters between Cuba and Miami.

and I did laugh. However my point remains valid.

And even if it were true that both sides do such partisan mischaracterization equally--and it simply is not--

Please, do you honestly believe that? I mean, if I hear "the liberal media" one more time...

Isn't the "Bush is a Nazi Ra-Ra!" silliness just the same as what you described this article as? Riles up your political base and accomplishes nothing.

Liberals saying Bush lied to get us into Iraq... assuming that the lack of WMDs in Iraq actually was just a mistake in our intelligence- it was a doozy. And though I have my doubts about our administrations motivations for being there, I still know in my bones that good can come of it, a lot of good. The next decade will show for sure what comes of our involvement there.

Let me clear something up before I finish. I'm not liberal, and I'm not conservative. I'm decidedly neutral when it comes to partisan politics. I have many liberal ideas, and just as many conservative ones. Hence, my name.

At the risk of sounding partisan, I don't really see the problem here.  We are making fun of the crazy over-the-top way in which the far left in America assets that Republicans are spawned from satan to eat babies.  The rhetoric on this site can't compare to treating liberals in a similar way, not even close.

...under used.

I only rape the land, building one strip mall after another, stretching for miles and miles and unless I get lucky not even an endangered species to be killed

Siiiiiiiigh...

The wheel continues to turn....

Also recall that the term "Punk Rock" was coined to describe the Ramones, that bad whose guitarist's acceptance speech into the rock and roll hall of fame was "God Bless America and God Bless President Bush".

Fitting, since punk rock is supposedly about doing things your way rather then running with the pack.

 T do with riling up the base.  This has everything to do with making the base laugh and release some tension.

All the Cubans can drive to their free surgery in their 1952 Oldsmobile!

Imagine the possibilities for a Cuba without Castro. Cubans might have to pay for their Viagra, but they could afford it, since their country would have a semblence of a modern economy. Imagine the tourism  industry for a future Castro-less Cuba.

Heck, they could make millions selling all the old cars they have there as antiques.  

has been a success in Cuba too.

March 09, 2005

HAVANA (Reuters) - President Fidel Castro has given Cuban women some good news on International Women's Day: rice cookers are coming to every household.

In a five-hour 45-minute speech to cheering women on Tuesday night, the Cuban leader announced 100,000 pressure cookers and rice cookers would be available each month at subsidized prices.

"Those of you who like rice cookers, raise your hands," Castro said to applause from hundreds of women. The 78-year-old leader spent two hours talking about the merits of pressure cookers.

Castro's gesture may have carried some irony, coming on a day commemorating women's battles for equality. But many Cuban women, who do the vast majority of domestic work despite advances toward equality under Castro, were only too happy to hear the Chinese-made rice cookers were on their way.

Wonder what he gave this year?

I hope to have it up on eBay later today.

the liberal media; the liberal media. Well? And, please review Rev 3:14-19.

I remember hearing about this and I also heard that he did this specifically because there are some semi-private businesses allowed and one of them was a rice cooker company. It was starting to do very well (thus proving the point of capitalism) so Castro needed a way to shut down the operation.

Totally unconfirmed but that;s what I heard on the radio.

Congratulations are of course in order, along with a little irrational exuberance and rhetorical excess.  Spirits are high!

There, now that I've patted you and all of RS on the back, will you take a moment and realize that you continue to define RS in opposition to Dems?  Why bother?  Where's the positive agenda, the rallying of troops to actually do something with all of the Republican political control - other than to simply appoint conservatives to that great American legislature?  Republicans are at the helm of the greatest state in the world today, but where are we driving?  What's the roadmap?  Can we see through the windshield and does anything work besides the gas pedal?

I'm not searching for a rainbow, just pasture for my goat.