Next month’s CPAC gathering will feature a Conga line of conservative and “conservative” pleading their case and rallying the cause among the faithful. Much noise was made however over the fact that the Jersey devil himself Chris Christie wasn’t invited to speak. Joe Scarborough, noted Christie stalker, groupie, and president of the Chris Christie Fan club ranted over the slight, saying the move by CPAC demonstrates how out of touch some elements of the movement really are. Others on MSNBC labeled the March gathering of conservatives a quote, “Loser Lineup”. Two things, first off the last person who should accuse anyone remotely associated with Republican Party politics or the conservative movement of being out of touch is Joe Scarborough. Secondly, with that being established, I actually agree somewhat with those who criticize the move. It’s not so much that I criticize the idea of inviting Chris Christie, because to be quite honest I think Christie’s a loud mouth overrated political ballerina. I mean the man, politically speaking dances better than Kevin Bacon in Footloose.

What I object to is the fact that Jeb Bush was invited to speak but not Chris Christie. Exactly how much more conservative is Jeb Bush than Christie? Jeb Bush is a nerdy, slimmer and more tan version of Chris Christie. Jeb Bush is conservative like I’m a white woman with blonde hair and breast implants. With Mitt Romney okay he was the nominee in the recent presidential election and there might be some beef between he and the New Jersey governor over the Hurricane Sandy situation where leading up to election night Chris Christie and President Obama engaged in what can only be described as political intercourse at Romney’s expense.

I tend to agree also with Mark Levin in that CPAC from what I understand has become more about Republican speakers than conservative speakers expressing ideas centered around conservatism. And this is where the word, the meaning, and the philosophy of conservatism gets treated like the “Black/African American” box on the census form. Nowadays any Republican can be labeled “conservative” without actually being a conservative just by saying they are one. It’s like when bi-racial people say they’re black just because one of their parents is black. It’s like, the meanings are twisted and formed according to whoever chooses to twist and contort the word and its meaning. In short, I like my black people black and my conservatives true conservatives. Now, let’s see how many object to what I just said.

There are very few real conservatives left in America. I would imagine they can relate to the Siberian Tiger and the Snow Leopard. I’ve never been to CPAC but I can almost envision a gathering of elite Republican strategists, deal makers, journalists, special interest groups, and television and radio personalities all coming together  doing and saying things that mean absolutely nothing and will solve zilch in regards to what ails the Republican Party. After all, it’s the party and not the movement that matters the most at CPAC. So why not just rename it “RPAC”?

Jeb Bush having a platform to pretend he’s a conservative just shows you how shallow this whole world of politics has become. The man spent months going around on every liberal media outlet lecturing real conservatives about how icky and backwards they are, he tells  them they’re a bunch of xenophobic hicks who hate Mexicans and surprise, he’s the only one who can set them straight and save the GOP from its lunatic fringe. Now all the sudden he’s conservative enough I guess to speak at a supposed conservative gathering for conservatives who are all kinds of so much conservative.

By that standard Chris Christie should have been allowed to speak, if not be the keynote guy at this political equivalent to Comic-Con masquerading as something important. The danger of creating these large scale annual gatherings for like minded folks is that sooner or later as time goes on it becomes more and more superficial and less about its original intent. A bunch of Republican operatives trying too hard is not something I would ever want to be associated with. Perhaps its a win-win situation for Christie to have not been invited.

Or maybe I’m wrong about this whole thing. Maybe CPAC is an actual gathering of real conservatives coming together and bouncing ideas around to help the movement flourish for the next generation. But if you remove the Republicans from that equation what would be the ratio of attendees to actual conservative attendees?

I admit I plan on watching Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, and Sarah Palin speak whenever they post the videos on Youtube. I saw Sarah Palin’s speech from last year’s CPAC on Youtube and like always she never seems to not get the mood of the country or of the moment.

Steve Schmidt called the list of next month’s speakers the bar scene from Star Wars. Well, you know Steve Schmidt is just mad because people want to hear Sarah Palin speak even after all he and Nicole Wallace tried to do to convince people she was a bottomless pit of moronic know nothing existence. Of which is nowhere near reality. Steve Schmidt wants to be an important figure but he’s lost too many important elections based on his tendency to give bad advice to ever have that happen. Nicole Wallace just sucks.

I say reconsider on Christie because heck, what’s a walrus speaking after a Rino in a room full of elephants.

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Sincerely,

El Fantasma, Estudiante de Manos de Piedra

(The Ghost: Student of Hands of Stone)