Eric Bolling is a fascinating character. Like, it’s fascinating that he can move his mouth and his hands at the same time, all things considered. It’s really a neat trick, like a greasy mouse playing chess or something. An even neater trick is that he has somehow fooled TV executives into thinking circus acts like his come across as anything other than a morbid freak show when they air.

Take, for example, this benighted series of unthinking interruptions he laughably attempts to pass off as interview with #NeverTrump voter and former Jeb Bush comms director Tim Miller:

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen an interview before, Eric, but it’s customary for the other person to say a couple of words at some point during the process.

“I’m just reporting here, Tim, I’m not behind anyone,” says Bolling before excitedly, desperately, feverishly defending Donald and finally adding “you guys need to get behind” Trump.

Truly a mental giant.

The back and forth, such as there was to be had between Bolling’s uncontrollable word vomit Trump-humping, pretty much speaks for itself. Bolling made no credible arguments, he simply waved his hands in frustration and attempted some sort of half-assed paean to Trump the mighty. Someone really should tell the old boy that chest-thumping at his visibly advanced age is dangerous.

Tim had him dead to rights on every point, but especially on the inexplicable faith Trump’s supporters have that he’ll deliver some wonderful SCOTUS pick.

“What has Donald Trump done to give you this trust in him? He changes his position on everything. The day after he put out the list […] he said ‘Oh, I might add some people.’”

What a supremely excellent question. What, indeed?

Bottom line is Bolling brought him on to make a show of bashing #NeverTrump, for which he displays a visceral disdain, because in the world of hair grease, spray tans, and old lady arm fat that Bolling sploshes in, that is the particular monthly fee: creepy, nagging, grandmotherly kvetching that you delude yourself into thinking looks macho.

Here’s some actual reporting for your Eric: it doesn’t. You don’t look tough or smart. You look like an idiot. Breaking.

Tagged: #NeverBolling