It seems the attendees of Coachella have gotten themselves into a bit of a pickle.

Possibly from a pickle.

According to the herpes tracking app HerpAlert, there’s a “massive” HSV outbreak in California. Furthermore, the good people at HA believe it’s associated with the Coachella music festival, which started on April 12th and concluded on April 21st.

Toledo’s WTOL 11 explains:

HerpAlert is an app that connects patients who think they may have HSV with physicians for secure, private and fast diagnosis and treatment. It told CBS Los Angeles that it normally deals with 12 cases a day.

However, during the two weekends of the 2019 Coachella festival, the rate spiked to 250 cases a day in the towns surrounding the famed event, KCAL reports.

Across the hot, crowded celebration’s two-weekend span, a total of 1,105 cases of the herp were reported in Coachella Valley as well as neighboring cities San Diego and LA.

That’s a HerpAlert record.

Nicely done, y’all.

HerpAlert spokeswoman Alexandra Harbushka told The Orange County Register that number included people “who came to the platform for a variety of reasons, including to get medication to treat and prevent flares, in addition to those who came to see if they had a new case of cold sores or herpes.”

And:

App users who requested information during Coachella were from the Southern California region, typically where concert-goers are from, she said.

Though a distant second, Coachella has another grand event that puts out an impressive array of ulcers, blisters, cold sores, pain when urinating, and vaginal discharge. As noted by The Daily Wire:

The next largest number of claims in Los Angeles occurred the day of and the day after the Academy Awards, back in February.

Let’s hope the same type of breakout doesn’t happen at this year’s Burning Man. It could spell major trouble for the naked weirdos attending Hug Church in the Orgy Dome.

-Alex

 

Relevant RedState links in this article: here.

See 3 more pieces from me:

You Were Leered At While Naked At The Hug Church? #MeToo! — Burning Man’s Orgy Dome Comes Into Question

How Immaturity Is Killing The Left

Maxine Waters Spills Out ‘Impeachment! Impeachment! Impeachment! Impeachment! Impeachment!’

Find all my RedState work here.

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