U.S. Sen. Cory Booker, D-N.J., speaks on behalf of Democrat Mike Espy, unseen, and his race in a special election to fill the final two years of a term started by Mississippi Republican Thad Cochran, in Jackson, Miss., Friday, July 20, 2018. Republican Sen. Cindy Hyde-Smith was appointed to temporarily succeed Cochran, and she is running for the seat. (AP Photo/Rogelio V. Solis)
On Wednesday, Cory Booker shot a spitball at fellow 2020 Democratic contender Joe Biden, insisting, “We need a candidate that is not the safe bet.”
Allow me to interpret that very odd statement:
“We need a candidate who’s less likely to win.”
— Musadiq Bidar (@Bidar411) August 21, 2019
If Cory believes the person more likely to tank is the obvious choice as the person more likely to triumph, well — actually — that’s kind of in line with other super, super goofy things he’s said.
I suppose that makes him the candidate most likely to lose — which makes him the one most likely to wi– Hey — I see what he did there!
If we need someone who doesn’t speak from the head, Cory’s definitely a frontrunner. I’m not sure I’ve seen him utter a single word that didn’t strike me as abjectly silly and/or painfully disingenuous.
Let’s review a few of the moves poised to make him fail and therefore succeed:
- When asked by CNN why anyone would vote for a candidate who’s gonna raise their taxes, he explained that Americans want the government to forcibly take more (here). And that he’s basically just some broke dude:
“I’m the only presidential candidate that lives in a low-income, inner-city neighborhood.
“We live in a nation with far more patriotism than people are expressing. What I mean by that is folks want the best for their country. And they know that if your family doesn’t have a great public school for your kid, if your family does not have great access to healthcare, then we all are suffering as a result of that…
“We’re all hurting because we have not designed an economy that invests in each other.”
Cory Booker’s estimated net worth: $3 million.
Why would anybody vote for a guy who’s sitting on a cool 3 mil yet not smart enough to get out of a run-down neighborhood? He can’t even get himself outta the ghetto when given a ton of money; how’s he gonna get America out when given a %@#!load of our forcibly-taken taxes?
- He proved he’s a real man by wanting to physically assault the President of the United States. He also sounded like an idiot:
“Donald Trump is a guy who — you understand, he hurts you. My testosterone sometimes makes me want to feel like punching him, which would be bad for this elderly, out-of-shape man that he is if I did that. This physically weak specimen.”
Not good. Therefore, I guess, really good.
- Out of nowhere in June, he spoke Spanish, creating one of the most awkward moments you’re likely to see in any American political debate. In terms of the two P’s — Pandering and Pitiful — it struck very near Hillary Clinton telling an urban radio station she always carries hot sauce.
Get ready for something extremely uncomfortable:
Harrington, New Jersey — where Cory grew up — is only 7% hispanic or latino. Was his Español-slinging organic, or stunningly and stiffly rehearsed?
According to Mario Rubio, the language lunge sounded more like Portuguese.
- He made a fool of himself condemning Trump’s All-Out Grandiose Brag-Til-You-Can’t-Brag-Anymore Wholly-Admitted Everyone-Knows-It White Supremacy. And The Donald’s a killer:
One of the lessons in my faith is that you reap what you sow.
When Donald Trump uses words like “infestation,” “invasion” and “shithole countries”—
When he refuses to condemn Neo-Nazis and white supremacists—
Trump is giving license to this kind of violence. He’s responsible. pic.twitter.com/hf3ugZIO5D
— Cory Booker (@CoryBooker) August 4, 2019
- He referred to himself as part of “we” — the people who beat evil segregationists Bull Connor and George Wallace in Birmingham.
All of that occurred literally decades before Cory was conceived. On top of that, both Bull and George were Democrats.
- He said Trump needed to condemn white supremacy. Trump condemned white supremacy. Cory said he rejects Trump condemning white supremacy (goofily here).
And yet another macho flex:
- During the Kavanaugh craze of 2018, he bragged like a little kid about being a rebel who’s breakin’ all the committee rules.
I wrote back then:
Booker’s grandstanding over the issue was one of the silliest things I’ve seen in politics. He came across as an eighth grader telling his classmates he’d had his first beer.
A few Cory quotes at the time:
“I come from a long line…of Americans that understand what that kind of civil disobedience is and I understand the consequences. So I am, right now, before your process is finished, I am going to release the email about racial profiling, and I understand that the penalty comes with potential ousting from the Senate.”
“I willfully violate these sham rules. I fully accept any consequences that might arise from my actions including expulsion.”
“If Senator Cornyn believes I violate Senate rules, I openly invite and accept the consequences of my team releasing that email right now.”
“I’m saying I’m knowingly violating the rules.”
“Now [Cornyn] is threatening ethics charges. As I said then, I say it now: Bring it.”
So there ya go — a handful of reasons to guarantee Cory’s loss — I mean, subsequent dominion as the undependable wager that’s exactly what we need to win.
Can the senator prove that the unsafe bet is the best bet? Can he take the White House in a blazing, Farticus-fueled fire of hot white irony (here)?
I implore you: Give him a shot. Cast your ballot in his favor and see.
Might he attain ultimate victory?
As I’ve said before:
Who nose. Pick a Booker.
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