In North Carolina, crime is wigging out.
According to the New York Post, the FBI’s on the hunt for the Bad Wig Bandit — a guy with a penchant for wigs that don’t flatter him — who’s been robbing banks in the “First in Flight” state.
The hokey-haired looter first hit the Huntersville BB&T Bank — maybe he thought it stood for Better Bangs and Toupees.
In his defense, he was nicely coiffed with a dark blonde chin-length job that nicely framed his face — and paired with a cute sweater that said, “Hey, I may be a calculated felon, but I’ve got a fun and unpredictable side.”
Shortly after the funnily follicular heist, another hairpieced holdup struck fear into the hearts of bank customers and rooters of realism: On January 8th — 26 days after the first job, the stickup man stunk it up at the New Horizon Bank in Belmont.
“Stunk” is right — this time, he was sportin’ something between Ronald McDonald and Cousin It.
Not his best.
Kind of a poor man’s Cher–
— 🌟G 🌟 (@giovanna88) April 15, 2019
Just five hours later, the thief — who apparently changes clothes more often than Katy Perry in concert — hit Gastonia’s Wells Fargo wearing a curled, brown perky number — think Whitney Houston at her peak.
But qualitywise, it was still a discount store disappointment.
Officials report that the crummily-crowned criminal has a medium build and is in his 20’s or 30’s.
If you’ve got tips — help for the FBI, not fashion advice for him — contact your nearest American Embassy or Consulate. Or go to ps.fbi.gov.
Be on the lookout for this guy:
— FBI Charlotte (@FBICharlotte) January 10, 2020
See 3 more pieces from me:
Find all my RedState work here.
Thank you for reading! Please sound off in the Comments section below.