FILE – In this Oct. 22, 2018 file photo, former President Barack Obama speaks at a rally in support of candidate for Senate Jacky Rosen and other Nevada Democrats, in Las Vegas. Obama is visiting one of Milwaukee’s most impoverished black neighborhoods Friday, Oct. 26, 2018, to campaign for Wisconsin Democrats, signaling his party’s effort to encourage African-Americans to vote and avoid the low turnout that proved costly for Hillary Clinton in 2016. (AP Photo/John Locher)
Have you been down in the dumps over the coronavirus? If you can somehow make it to Italy, we can get you cheered right up.
Your options stateside are grim.
You could try going to the movies to take your mind off it all, but imagine the germs in that popcorn.
A sporting event is out — think of all those people frothing at the mouth.
The mall could be a getaway, but it’s society’s middle ground.
Face it — you’re stuck.
But better to be quarantined in the national home of pizza, gondolas, and that toxically masculine guy who discovered America.
For 60,487,983 lucky Mediterranean few, in this time of uncertainty, there’s truly no place like home.
Call it community service: As reported by the New York Post, internet pornography giant Pornhub has announced a spiffy opportunity for all those under house arrest.
Trade in your worries over Wuhan for a WooHOO! — on Thursday, the favored online vacation spot for many a curious cat said its premium service will be free to everyone in Italy. Meeeow.
It’s all in honor of those stuck inside.
For a limited time, quarantined Italian surfers of the web will get the pay service for free, while the site donates dollars to help everyone through such a difficult time.
Pornhub is making their premium content free throughout Italy, to comfort those in quarantine, plus donating money to hospitals. (via Reddit) https://t.co/vVg63QBXl5
— Eric Nelson (@literaryeric) March 12, 2020
If you weren’t aware, Pornhub hosts a program called Modelhub, which it describes as “the world’s fastest-growing adult marketplace, letting you sell your videos at any price you choose. You keep 65% of the sale price. … You can also choose to make your video viewable for free, earning ad revenue, but restrict downloads to paying customers (or just make them undownloadable altogether).”
For a limited time, the site wants to be a model citizen.
— Pornhub ARIA (@Pornhub) March 12, 2020
Got that? PH loves you.
Italy certainly could use some love — tragically, COVID-19 fatalities passed the 1,000 mark this week. And 15,000 have tested positive.
But if you can turn your thoughts toward happier notions, a benevolent website’s there for the assist.
And here’s a bonus to the offered kink: The Hub’s recently rolled out coronavirus-themed videos — complete with hazmat suits. They send a worthy message: It’s always good to wear protection.
But you won’t need to suit up in your recliner. Right there in your Lake Cuomo casa, you’ll be loungin’ in love.
So kick back, and be your own Italian Stallion. All thanks to the globe’s biggest peddler of porn.
Like the song says, That’s Amore.
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