AP featured image
In this April 19, 2018 photo, an alligator sunbathes in the water treatment area of the Taino Aqua Farm fish plant, next to Lake Azuei in Fond Parisien, Haiti. The fish farm treats the water that gets bloody from the processing of its tilapia fish, before sending it to the town’s sewage system. The alligator was acquired from a local fisherman and put here to isolate it, where workers feed it and give it fresh water. (AP Photo/Dieu Nalio Chery)

 

 

A lot of us appreciate the challenges law enforcement officers face and the dangerous job they perform daily to serve the community, but whoa — they do things differently in Florida.

For those of you who’ve also embraced the mantra “Drain the Swamp,” here’s a twofer.

On April 18th, Police Sgt. Kurt Fundermark was called to the scene of a Cape Coral residence.

There in the driveway was a bit of a problem: An animal had lodged itself under a white truck.

Kurt got out his tool and calmly went to work.


The bodycam of a fellow officer recorded the incident, which was serenaded by a very, very loud hiss as Kurt did his duties.

The video’s startling, but Kurt’s composure makes it seem as if he’s making coffee.

He fights with the squirming squatter, finally dragging out a 7-foot alligator.

Once he’s got the gator into the grass, he battles it like Tarzan — if the King of the Apes had a pole — as the giant reptile goes into a death spiral in order to break out, Jack!

Kurt stays calm, cool, and collected.

Once the scaly suspect’s tired out, Kurt sits on the thing and grabs him by the mouth — which he electrical-tapes shut.

Cuff him and book him, Sarge.

For all you out there who wear a badge, how’d you like this to be part of the package?

And don’t they have Animal Control to deal with deadly dragons?

Lots of respect to Kurt.

I’m sure many of you in blue have wild stories the academy didn’t prepare you for. Feel free to share them with us. I once knew a firefighter who, regularly, would be called to a woman’s home — where she was naked, stuck in her bathtub.

Back to carnivorous reptiles, alligator altercations aren’t limited to the Sunshine State: According to a February 27th Facebook post, the Madison Township Police Department received a report on a creature of the crocodilian kind penned in a Groveport, Ohio basement. Homeowner Dusty Rhoades said he’d purchased the pet at a flea market when it was only a foot long. The American alligator was now 25 years old. Thankfully, today he’s enjoying himself at a gator sanctuary in Myrtle Beach.

Stay safe out there. And if you’re a cop, steer clear of skirmishes with Al E. Gator, public enemy number One Giant Maneater.

-ALEX

 

See 3 more pieces from me:

Party Like It’s 1799: Cops Bust Up an Amish Barn Bash for Violating Ohio’s Stay-at-Home Order

California News Reporter Accidentally Broadcasts Her Husband – Completely Naked

Hilarious: Viral Video Captures a Groundhog Chowing on a Piece of Pizza – It’s the Quarantined Life We All Should Be Living

Find all my RedState work here.

And please follow Alex Parker on Twitter and Facebook.

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