Wolf has a Ballroom Blitz

 

 

CNN had a neutral non-partisan celebration last night.

Throughout the night CNN’s coverage of the Alabama Senate election was a stern affair. This is because over the past year the insistently unbiased media has had a tough go of things. It was about 56 weeks ago when the therapy-inducing election night saw Donald Trump ascend to the White House. In June Jon Ossoff challenged to upset in Georgia’s 6th District runoff election.

In both instances we bore witness to news nets covering the evolving election night in drawn-out somber affairs. There was a noted refusal to call what were foregone conclusions, and impending county returns were analyzed for possible gains in real-time conspiracy-theory hopefulness. And such was the case in the CNN studios last night.

Reliably flawed polls in the days ahead of the election had Doug Jones winning with a double-digit lead, yet Roy Moore was taking an early lead, and he remained ahead as more than 50% of the precincts reported. Wolf Blitzer was practically dour, citing that percentile threshold is a tough one to turn around. He conveyed that now familiar demeanor of suffering through yet another election disappointment. But then the heavily blue counties came in, and everything changed!

 

 

 

In case you didn’t pick up on the report there – it was DOUG JONES who won. Blitzer giddily burped out the candidate’s name seven times within one minute there. This despite the screen filled with the Candidate’s name in a seemingly room-sized CGI banner. Also, some subtext to the affair was lent by the host.

This is a HUGE moment; a HUGE win for the Democrats; a HUGE setback for the President of the United States.

Following this segment a pair of animal wranglers from the Atlanta zoo came in and, using tranquilizer darts filled with Ambien, were able to get Blitzer down from the ceiling.

The in-studio expert panel was also in blatantly elevated moods immediately following the call. After spending the night intoning on the import of the election and the ramifications of a Moore victory they suddenly appeared like they had been slugging Jaeger-Bombs, as they rambled on about the historical significance of the Jones victory. A victory in Alabama, mind you, a state these same experts spend the rest of the year condemning as “Trump Country”.

But hey, when a Democrat can land a victory in this era, even in the despised Deep South, the unbiased “Real News” experts can drag out the pom-poms.