Welcome to the Water Cooler where every Tuesday, I bring you the best and brightest the social justice warriors in the culture wars have to offer in the name of silliness, virtue and self-righteousness.  So, here are the six best stories and one moron:

Celebretard of the Week

Emma Watson (a/k/a Hermoine from the Harry Potter movies) had one task at this year’s Oscars to show her solidarity with the MeToo movement sweeping over Hollywood.  She showed up on the red carpet with a “Times Up” tattoo visibly and proudly emblazoned on her forearm.

Of course, she forgot to add the apostrophe in “Time’s” thus changing the entire meaning.  It wasn’t bad enough she wore a hashtag on her arm to signal her virtue, but now we find it was not even a permanent tattoo, but one of those rub on jobs kids often wear.  Way to show your solidarity, Hermoine!

When Fiction is Mistaken for Reality

Someone by the name of Reggie Ugwu, who also writes for Buzzfeed, recently penned an article for the New York Times in which he took Trump to task for some recent comments about “sh*thole countries.”  As concerns African countries, Ugwu found definitive proof that Trump was way off base.  His proof? The mythical country of Wakanda in the movie Black Panther because it is a “shining metropolis” with “the most advanced technology on earth.

Said Ugwu:

“To the politically minded, the Wakanda of “Black Panther” offers an almost too perfect rebuttal to President Trump’s comments in January in which he referred to African nations with a disparaging Trump’s expletive.”

So… according to Ugwu and the New York Times, citing a fictional city in a fictional country in a fictional movie based on a comic book is proof there are no African sh*thole countries.  For anyone who has seen the movie, its also an all-black nation that has a wall around it.

A Strange Way to Celebrate Black History Month

In case no one noticed, February was Black History Month.  The folks at New York University decided to celebrate by offering a dinner of ribs, collard greens, cornbread and watermelon flavored water (what? No mac and cheese?).  This did not sit well with student Nia Harris who took to Facebook demanding why the chef would offer such offensive food. The bad press got to the administration at NYU who blamed Aramark for the chefs that supplied the offensive food.  Aramark responded by firing the head chef and the two cooks since the incident violated their “longstanding commitment to diversity and inclusion.” Ms. Harris then took to Facebook to gloat about the terminations.

The sad part of the whole is ordeal is that a black head chef and two black cooks now find themselves unemployed after offending a lone black student over a meal served in a month that celebrates black history.

Speaking of Black History Month Celebrations

Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner recently signaled his virtue and commitment to diversity and inclusion by drinking chocolate milk.  Said the sort of Republican Governor after several gulps and thumbs ups: “It’s really, really good. Diversity!!!”

This is perhaps the most cringe-worthy, embarrasing thing I have written on these pages.

New Docu-Series Planned

Mr. Beyonce (a/k/a Jay-Z, a/ka Shawn Carter) has signed on as executive producer of a six-part series for the Paramount channel that will look at the life of that great civil rights icon- Trayvon Martin.  He, you may remember, was shot and killed in self-defense by the world’s worst neighborhood watchmen, George Zimmerman.

It defies explanation how anyone can get a six-part series on anyone age 17 whose only contribution to society was increasing the sales of Skittles and hoodies, but they did.  One cannot wait to hear how they portray these words inspirational words from Martin caught in a succinct text that captures the essence of the black teen in America: “da police caught me outta skool.”

Damn That Square Root Symbol

In this charged atmosphere of gun fear, nothing goes unnoticed.  While working with another student on square roots, one student noted that the symbol looked like a pistol.  That caused the other student to jokingly say, “Let’s get to work before I shoot you with the pistol.” Other students overheard the joke and one thing led to another and then the student found himself kicked out of school.

The incident was referred to the county sheriff in Louisiana who determined that no crime, nor anything approximating a crime took place.  That did not stop the school system from rewriting their rules. Even though there was no criminal wrongdoing and no violent tendencies found, the youth must now undergo a threat assessment to determine if they can be allowed back in school.

The moral of the story?  Don’t joke around about math symbols.

So That Is How They Do It

With the Winter Olympics now in the history books, we found out that the German Olympic team, which finished second to Norway in the overall medal count and tied the Norwegians with 14 gold medals, foregoes Gatorade and other such sports drinks and instead trains with non-alcoholic beer.  One German company provided copious amounts of gallons to the suds to the athletes in South Korea. Left unreported were the many gallons of alcoholic beer shipped to Olympic German athletes.

I’m not saying there is a connection here, but they did finish second to the Norwegians.  The big question now is whether Norway’s performance was a fluke, OR what are Norwegians drinking these days?

Your quote of the week:  “Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover there are other views.”— William F. Buckley

The Water Cooler is an open thread where readers are free to discuss these or any other topic of interest.