I am outraged. Single people have been discriminated against and shunted aside for too long. We can be good parents. We pay taxes. We are good citizens. So why can’t each of us be married — to ourself? Why does the state coerce us to shack up with another adult?

If a single person wishes to have sex only with himself or herself, that natural right ought to be respected by the state, instead of deemed a mark of inferiority. It is high time for single people to demand our rights! If I want to join myself in holy matrimony and get a marriage license, it’s barbaric and mean-spirited to get in my way. So get the heck out of my way, dammit!!! You’re all bigots.

While this blog post is satirical, I’m sure there must be a serious point in here somewhere.