I couldn’t help it.

Try as I did — as I’ve struggled to tolerate the drivel being slung about the stage from the mouths of the speakers at the Democratic National Convention without throwing something at my high-def flat-screen television — I couldn’t get the thought out of my head.

I’ve seen this before.

Then, on Wednesday — as I watched Bill Clinton rub away at Obama’s every dull reality in an effort to make him shine — it came to me.

It was an episode of Mythbusters — the one where they conducted a series of experiments to find an answer to the age-old question: Can you really polish a turd?

As it turns out — 

“Yes We Can!”


(But remember, Democrats are trained professionals. “Do not try this at home.”)

And, they have been busy — ‘God’ bless ’em.

To polish the venue move for Obama’s “historic” acceptance speech turd, they used the “severe weather” cloth.

Even though the campaign had already said that Obama had seen the language “prior to the convention,” they tried like hell to put a shine on the “drop ‘God’ and ‘Jerusalem’ from the party platform” turd with the “he did not learn of the issue until Wednesday morning” cloth — and the “Obama directed his staff to put them back in so the new version is ‘consistent with the president’s own positions’” cloth.

The “video of Democrats booing the return of ‘God’ and ‘Jerusalem’ to the party platform” turd, however, required the polishing expertise of David Axelrod and Valerie Jarrett. They used the “Obama ‘was counting on others‘ in the Democrat party to take care of that because he ‘had some other duties and responsibilities’ to attend to” cloth.

Yeah… That oughta do it.

Of course, some turds — like the “Democrats are anti-capitalists” turd — are harder to polish than others. In fact, there hasn’t been a speaker to hit the stage for two days who hasn’t tried to buff a little luster onto that one.

Apparently, to get a shine on Obama’s “you didn’t build that” turd, it evidently “takes a village.”

But then, on Wednesday night, Bill stepped to the podium and showed the novices how it was done.

Ahhh, Bubba. As I wrote for Examiner.com, when it comes to expert turd polishing, “Mythbusters, move over,” for Bill is the undisputed Master.

Rather than trying to deny that Democrats really believe the “you didn’t build that” message – or even attempting to reiterate the narrative that Republicans were trying to take the president’s words “out of context,” Clinton simply embraced the “you didn’t build that” message with the same shameless passion as those Democrat delegates who booed the re-institution of the word “God” and the recognition of Jerusalem as the capital of Israel into the party platform –three times.

They have to know the wheels are coming off. And you know it has to be grinding Obama’s backside to know he’ll have to stand on that stage in front of 20,000 guests at the DNC knowing that Romney was greeted at the RNC by 50,000.

No fireworks. He won’t even have balloons. No confetti.

Damn, that’s gonna suck.

They’ve even begun to downplay the already depressed expectations for Obama’s “historic” acceptance speech.

Tonight is not about magic. It’s about being pragmatic. It’s about the future,” an Obama official told Fox News, just hours before Obama was to take the stage.

Yep… some turds can be stubborn. But they’ll keep rubbing it anyway.

And, although they will cheer — a lot — and they will weep, and hold each other — a lot — and they will chant his name — a lot — as it hasn’t happened at the DNC yet, I don’t expect that his speech will be interrupted as were most of the speeches that were delivered at the RNC — “USA, USA, USA!”

Yes — It was going to be “historic.”

Now it’s just embarrassing.