It isn’t very often that I make it out of the limestone cave these days. I have to skin bears, tan hides and light fires to cook over using flint stones and sharp, pointy sticks. Life sure is tough out here in flyover country. We live miles away and seemingly eons apart from The Educated People® like David Brooks; Supra-Genus.

Having burned my last book to stay warm last night, as I slept next to the goats amongst the straw out in my cave, I truly need the Venerable Dr. Brooks to enlighten my ignorance as to what The Educated People® believe. In much the same fashion that my three-year old son admires Optimus Prime and Bumblebee, I want to be all matrikalated and edumacayted just like David Brooks.

Thus it was with great wonder and awe that I read his words of wisdom. He was condescend….oops I mean generous enough, to tell me the secrets of the temple. Like a lucky stiff practicing the secret handshake before his first meeting at the Masonic Lodge, I read his latest column carefully; moving my lips slowly to get every phonetic cadence in sequence. Here is what David Brooks, Supra-Genus tells me The Educated People® believe.

The educated class believes in global warming, so public skepticism about global warming is on the rise. The educated class supports abortion rights, so public opinion is shifting against them. The educated class supports gun control, so opposition to gun control is mounting.

The story is the same in foreign affairs. The educated class is internationalist, so isolationist sentiment is now at an all-time high, according to a Pew Research Center survey. The educated class believes in multilateral action, so the number of Americans who believe we should “go our own way” has risen sharply.

While it sure was swell of His Eminence to let me in on this big secret, I shake my head at some of the idiotic things you learn from being as edumacayted as David Brooks. People don’t care what The Educated People® believe about Global Warming. They care whether the US Congress takes total control over every aspect of how much energy they are permitted to use at work or in their daily lives.

People don’t hate scientists, they hate the fact that many powerful individuals in the scientific community perpetrated academic frauds such as “The Hockey Stick Curve” on the taxpayer dime. They don’t even hate seeing a reasonable expenditure on activities such as weather prediction and temperature monitoring. However, taking the September record of temperatures for all of Russia, substituting it for the October record of temperatures and then loudly proclaiming, at taxpayer expense, that the planet is having the hottest autumn ever!!! will rightfully chap their (redacted). This will hold true whether they can spell diploma without a thesaurus or not.

On abortion, nobody makes a moral decision regarding the sanctity of life or the definition of murder based upon that which is trendy. David Brooks’ malicious insinuation that opponents of abortion rights hold that opinion for the same reason that Jets fans show up at a Meadowlands to drink at a tailgate party deserves my unqualified and condign contempt. I wouldn’t have even accused Margaret Sanger or Adam Clayton Powell of being that much of a callous (decency edit).

What The Educated People® think of abortion is much more of their own choice than a partial birth abortion will ever be given the opportunity to make. Mr. Brooks should have the class and respect to release that this holds true of the rest of America that couldn’t afford the SAT Prep courses to crack Harvard or Yale.

The Educated People® can also think what they please about Gun Control. What they can’t do, in the opinion of all us barnyard rubes from the void between the stones, is take a bottle of White-out to the portions of The Bill of Rights they find offensive.

I personally don’t need and don’t own a firearm. I haven’t fired one since my last trip to a US Army range. However, I care far more for the other nine rights The Bill of Rights contains than I do what David Brooks says about gun owners at his next cocktail party. When it comes to Gun Control, I’m astonished that The Educated People® didn’t learn a wee bit more back in High School Government class.

According to The Maha-Davey, the educated class is internationalist. Again, so what? That’s what the typical elected Democrat will tell David Brooks the next time the AFL-CIO demands a schedule of tariffs against the next impressive, useful and demanded foreign import. The Baltic Dry Goods Index tells us far more than any disingenuous blither from an internationalist exactly to what extent educated internationalists practice what they pontificate. (Preaching is very out vogue amongst The Educated People® according to the rumors that make it out here to flyover country.)


Having read through Brooks’ latest display of grotesque and condescending snootiness, I’m wondering what his point could have been? I guess he, as a loyal Moderate Republican, doesn’t like tea parties. I don’t either – they keep forgetting the Budweiser and Jack Daniels. If I’m driving somewhere, offer me a real man’s drink! (j/k)

Snarkiness aside, who cares what David Brooks thinks of the Tea Party Movement? His arguments are like “The Scientific Concensus” that overwhelming proved Global Warming was “settled science.” His column is intellectual nullity. He appeals to authority he lacks the fundamental courage to even source and name. His argument is not just a fallacy, it’s chicken-(decency edit) fallacy, which makes it a twofer – illogical and disgusting.

I may never qualify for membership amongst The Educated People®. I have believed, argued and voted the same things from 1988, when I was old enough to cast my first ballots, to last election. I’ve both ridden the victorious wave and watched Team Red get sucked out with the dregs in a ruinous rip tide. I just haven’t “learned” to vote the way enlightened people direct me.

I guess its time to head back to my cave and skin the Coelophysus I beat down with my knotty stick this morning. Staying out here in my cave has its benefits. Now if they could just get the arugula supply sorted out around here….

Tags: Brooks