Tale of the Tape
Unknown: Always looking up with nose in air, putting on aires. (Our Dear Leader won’t deign to look at you, especially if you’re one of those bitter Pennsylvanians who cling to their guns or religion.
Blue: Makes eye contact. (Seems to be a decent fellow, ala Tito-the-Builder and Joe-the-Plumber)
Anything but new
Wears flag lapel pin
Only calls on toadies at MSNBC to ask pre-screened questions. (That’s transparency for you.)
Occasionally allows Fox News and Jake Tapper to ask a question
Represents/Speaks on behalf of:
Taliban, Al Qaeda, Gitmo detainees, Chicago politicians, San Francisco elites
Barack Obama. Also Raum Emanuel, David Axelrod, James Carville, George
Stephanopoulos, and others from the Breakfast Bunch who plot to takedown private citizens such as Rick Santelli and Rush Limbaugh.
Reverend Wright, William Ayers, Karl Marx
Gift giving style
Spends other people’s money. Rewards self with sweetheart deal from friend Tony Rezko. Returns bust of Churchill to our ally (then adds 25 DVDs to the insult.) Plastic button (tacky in itself) with bonus mistranslation for the Russians. (That gift he “promised” his daughters? They’re still waiting for their dog.)
The gift that keeps on giving
Hope, change, uh, uhm, distraction, hope, change, Bush, (in private): Do what I tell you or I’ll throw you under the bus [and when what Obama tells them to do doesn’t work]: I’ll still throw you under the bus.
Rush Limbaugh, I’ll have to get back to you on that, Rush Limbaugh
Waffles, pie, caviar, fine wine, and other delicacies served at nightly White House private parties.
Whatever MSNBC and the Breakfast Bunch feed him
Thinks he plays a good game
Tries to talk a good game (Profuse use of sports metaphors)
More than Obama
Time in gym
Time with troops
Only if media is allowed
Only if Obama goes
Extent of economic knowledge
“Profit and Earnings” ratios
More than Obama
Stance on infanticide
Prohibit (Assuming Gibbs is in line with NARAL and a unanimous Senate.)