President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced today that, in conjunction with the 32nd Anniversary of the Iranian Revolution, the Iranian Ministry of Defense and Incineration of the Infidels (MoDII) will reveal new weapons developed exclusively by Iranian researchers and built entirely by Iranian technicians.
“The unlawful sanctions levelled against the peace-loving Iranian people cannot prevent them from designing and fielding weapons that will leave the entire world cringing and begging for mercy,” said MoDII Minister Ahmad Vahidi.
President Ahmadinejad, recently returned from a successful comeback tour of his rap threesome “Kronic Mo-Jo,” said that the new weapons will revolutionize the balance of power in the Middle East/Perisan Gulf region.
Chief among those new weapons is the al-Fajr 5000 Intermediate-range missile, which is the first in the Iranian arsenal to make use of precision guidance.
Key to missile’s pinpoint accuracy is the new Nooshejan automatic frequency-scanning radar, also developed by top Iranian scientists.
The radar’s frequency-scanning capability allows it to cycle through constantly-shifting series of radar frequencies, which makes it almost impossible to jam.
Another important feature of the highly-sophisticated new radar is the fact that the transmitter can be powered by hand-crank, which is very handy in a country where the electricity grid is sometimes less than reliable, due to nefarious intervention by the criminal Zionist entity.
Among the world leaders invited to attend the unveiling of the new arsenal is North Korea’s Beloved Leader-in-Waiting, Kim Jong Un, said to be a particular favorite of President Ahmadinejad, owing to the fact that, when hatless, he is entirely half an inch shorter than the President of Iran, even when wearing his hair in a pompadour.
This never fails to put President Ahmadinejad in the best of moods, which sends him scampering joyfully to Tehran’s finest retro clothiers.
As an added treat, it is rumored that the initial display of the weapons will coincide with a very rare public viewing of the lucky rabbits’ feet of the Four Rightly-Guided Caliphs, which have not been removed from
their coffer in over a century.
Said Bahman Shahnameh, curator of the relics, “They were a little stinky, but I sprayed them with Febreeze, and now they are suitable for public viewing.”