Welcome to the wild world of the culture wars. Here are the seven best- in my opinion and in no particular order- stories from the past week that may have or may not have been reported on here.
HOW TO RUIN YOUR CHRISTMAS…ER, HOLIDAY TREE
A feminist company in England is selling tree toppers because apparently angels and stars just don’t pass feminist muster of late. Instead, they’ve fitted the likes of Beyonce and Serena Williams with wings and a pedestal so you stick that at the top of your tree. Dubbed “Women to Look Up To” (get it? Tree toppers? You have to “look up?”), for my money the best one is their third option: a Hillary Clinton with wings (and, one presumes, pantsuit) tree topper.
Geez… can you imagine that Christmas season? Hillary Clinton looking down as you unwrap presents? Yuck and ewwww…
WAY TO GO BALTIMORE
NO! I’m not talking about the Ravens who might make the playoffs or any other sports team. Instead, accolades go to the city for breaking their yearly homicide record with still half a month of revelry to go. That’s right- in early December, Baltimore had their 319th murder surpassing the previous record of 316 set in 2016. Baltimore…giving Chicago and DC a run for the murder money!!
PITY POOR PRINCE GEORGE
Well, here’s hoping the prayers of one Anglican minister are not answered. A multi-chinned man of the cloth, Kelvin Holdsworth (such a proper British name) penned an article where he pleaded with the faithful to pray that young Prince George who is all of 4 years of age that he blossom into a homosexual.
The reason? Because only when there is a GAY royal wedding will homosexuals be welcome in Britain. Somewhere, Jesus is weeping, but probably not in merry old England.
Gavin “Call Me Laurel” Hubbard is a weightlifter from New Zealand who looks like a man despite the fact he and the weightlifting world intelligentsia recognize him as a female (because he says so) who recently won two championships at the Australian Open this year in the women’s division.
Don’t laugh, but he/she won the title for the event known as the snatch. Seriously! Not to be outdone, he/she also won the top prize in the…wait for it… Clean and jerk.
STAND BY YOU MAN
Sheila Jackson Lee is a Congresswoman from Texas who is shade less loony than Maxine Waters. She’ll occasionally pop up on some news show possibly in a pink, sequin cowboy hat because nothing says “Texas” like a pink sequin cowboy hat. This is one woman who you wish would wear a wig. But, I digress.
Speaking on MSNBC, Ms. Lee defended women coming forward with their allegations of sexual harassment at the hands of the patriarchy. There is one exception: her good friend John Conyers. In fact, she described him as a “patriot” before resorting to two tried-and-true liberal tactics. First, she deflected attention from the subject of Conyers to Trump and Roy Moore before trotting out the race card by documenting sexual abuse against black women dating back to the founding of this country. A truly amazing feat in defense of a true patriotic stalking pervert Congressman from Michigan.
ANOTHER HATE CRIME GOES UP IN SMOKE
It seems there was quite a spate of vandalism against predominantly black churches in Morristown, New Jersey. In fact, they attracted the attention of Governor-elect and squirrel look-alike Phil Murphy who took to Twitter (naturally) to express his shock and solidarity with the black community. Police were treating this as a hate crime.
However, the perpetrator has been identified and arrested by Morristown police after reviewing surveillance footage. In fact, Zuri C. Towns, age 45, was arrested in the very clothes he was wearing in that video.
In a strange twist, authorities declined to release the race of the perpetrator, but it was later revealed that the perpetrator was, in fact, black. Although a crime, because a black targeted black churches, it is no longer a hate crime.
GETTING A LEG UP ON THE OBNOXIOUS COMEDIENNE CATEGORY
What do Kathy Griffith, Chelsea Handler, Rosie O’Donnell and Sarah Silverman all have in common? Right!!! They’re all alleged comediennes AND they are all rather inconsequential. You would also be right if you said they were all D-list celebrities. But the real answer is they are all nauseatingly obnoxious. But, even though Handler may be more in the news, Sarah Silverman just got a leg up on her compatriots.
In the December 7th edition of her hopefully soon-to-be-cancelled Netflix series I Love You, America, Silverman recounts the time she caught her boyfriend… GASP!… raising an American flag in his yard because, well, he loved America. That apparently made Silverman, she recounts, feel “weird,” “scared,” and “shaken.”
But then she called her sister who informed her that patriotism- like raising a flag in your yard- triggers Jews because of the Holocaust (apparently, Nazis raised flags) and then she understood her feelings. So, Silverman believes that raising a flag in one’s yard is somehow akin to Nazism.
Um… this is really rather pathetic. It becomes more pathetic when one thinks about the number of Americans killed fighting Nazism in World War II, not to mention the number of Holocaust refugees and survivors who eventually made it to America’s shores. Thankfully, her show is pretty much in the ratings dump and if the country or Judaism is looking for a spokesman, her name will be crossed off the list.
That’s it for another week and I’ll be back next week with yet another edition of the crazy, wild and wacky world of…
THE CULTURE WARS