Times Square, which is usually very crowded on a weekday morning, is mostly empty Monday, March 23, 2020 in New York. Gov. Andrew Cuomo has ordered most New Yorkers to stay home from work to slow the coronavirus pandemic. (AP Photo/Mark Lennihan)

 

It is getting hard to find interesting, humorous, stories that serve as distractions during a media-created viral pandemic that does not include references to said virus.  But here goes, although I confess up front, the damn virus must be mentioned in at least one story.

Lesbians From Space

This is not about some sci-fi sub-genre of literature (although gay sci-fi does exist).  Instead, this is about Anne McClain.  Bet you did not know that McClain was America’s first openly lesbian astronaut, although the Ricky Schroeder hair cut and lantern jaw sort of gives it away.  Seems that Ms. McClain was accessing the bank account of her “ex-wife/husband/lover/partner”… from outer space.  The FBI was even called in to  investigate.  After their investigation,  the more butch looking of the pair- McClain’s ex- Summer Worden– was indicted for filing a false accusation.  The moral of the story: Make sure you have all your ducks in a row before you accuse a lesbian astronaut of wrongdoing.

Obligatory Covid Coranavirus Story

Vinay and Preeti Verma of India are the proud parents of newborn twins- a boy and girl.  The happy couple decided it would be a good idea to name the girl “Corona” and the boy “Covid.”  Said the mother:

…Since the deliveries happened after such difficulties, we wanted the names to be memorable and unique….Besides, these names are beautiful in their own, with Corona being Latin for crown….Also, we want the fear associated with these names to end and the public to focus on sanitation and hygiene.

Maybe Corona sounds beautiful, but Covid?…although it does sound kinda Indian, and not in an Elizabeth Warren Indian kind of way.  And it must be an honor to have people think of washing their hands every time they hear your name.

Haven’t Quite Heard About These Guys, But Whatever…

On April 6th, the State Department decided to take a break from other more important and immediate matters to designate a “white supremacist group” a Specially Designated Global Terrorist (SDGT).  It seems that a gaggle of numbskulls who relish the czarist Russian past called Russian Imperial Movement (RIM) now rank up there with Boko Harem and ISIS.  Until April 6, 2020, nobody ever heard of this group, but they are apparently behind Christchurch, New Zealand, Pittsburgh, Poway, and El Paso.  Actually, there is no link between RIM and these acts.  The State Department release does mention some botched bombing attempts in Sweden and maybe a death or two in Europe.

In 2016, we know that Black Lives Matter was the impetus behind the killing of five Dallas police officers, but no designation for BLM, and they have more blood on their hands than RIM.  Of course, we are waiting any day now for the announcement that Antifa is a SDGT.  Besides, these guys have an absolutely silly acronym.  Maybe “Tsarist” instead of “Russian.”  This way they can be TIM and instruct us all on how to properly use the Holy Grenade of Antioch to fight killer white rabbits.

The European Court of Justice Has Spoken

This “court,” which exists simply to scold European nations when they go astray from the dictates of Brussels, recently “strongly criticized” Poland, Hungary, and the Czech Republic for failing to follow a mandated quota of refugees- mainly from the Middle East- into their countries looking for free cell phones and the opportunity to grope or rape Polish, Hungarian, or Czech women.  The Czech prime minister said: “The important thing is we don’t have to pay anything. The fundamental thing is that we will not take in any migrants and that the quotas have since disappeared.”  Said the Hungarian justice minister: “The idea of a quota was unreasonable from the beginning. The European mainstream still have not understood that supporting immigration is not a good answer to Europe’s problems.”

Here is the real problem:  the European mainstream understands perfectly that immigration will harm Europe, which is why they support it.