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Mark Penn’s recent op-ed spurred renewed speculation of a 2020 run by Hillary Clinton. I was hoping we had seen the last of her.
This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful that Hillary Clinton is not our President. In fact, I’m so grateful, I wrote a poem.
Note Warning: I have a terrible case of Hillary Clinton Derangement Syndrome!
(to be read in a rap-like beat)
She kept a private server on her bathroom floor
Something no official had ever done before.
Said she did it for convenience, and thought it was alright.
Can’t understand why they didn’t indict.
Now this might fly back in Arkansas
But I think it’s pretty clear that she broke the law.
One day we learned the Clintons, when they find they’re in a pinch
Could always find a good friend in Loretta Lynch.
We learned that Bill and Hill they live above the law.
We shouldn’t be surprised, it’s what we all foresaw.
She’s pulled a lot of stunts, the woman sure has gall.
Still you really have to say this was the mother of them all.
This manner of behavior is really nothing new
If Hillary’s past history gives us any clue.
Before she was the first lady of this land,
Trading cattle futures, she made a hundred grand.
Now, this sure requires a suspension of disbelief.
Our once expected president appears to be a thief.
She claims to be a friend of the little man
But look what happened when she took command.
At the White House travel office, she fired them all
And filled it with her cronies all from Arkansas.
She played with people’s lives, she thought it was her right.
She’d had a taste of power and it whet her appetite.
Claims she’s a big supporter of women’s rights
And that she always stands up and fights.
She says that rape victims must always be believed.
Let’s look at the treatment Bill’s accusers have received.
She dismissed their testimonies – and stood by her man
Worried that their stories might thwart her future plan.
Monica Lewinsky was her opportunity
To gain some major leverage with the powers that be.
Her willingness to stand by Bill through all that heat
Turned out to be her springboard to a senate seat.
Then it was time to run for president.
That she lacked charisma was quite evident.
Frustrated by Obama’s popularity
She stumbled very badly and she lost the primary.
Barack was quite aware he’d made an enemy
And if he planned to govern in harmony,
He had to do something to alleviate the hate
So he made Hillary his Secretary of State.
Can you think of one thing that Hillary’s achieved?
One major global conflict that she relieved?
But she racked up lots of miles in her private jet.
As the Middle Eastern madness became a greater threat.
At a campaign stop back in twenty-0-eight,
And this shows how her lying is undeniably innate.
Said she landed in Bosnia under sniper fire
But it turned out old Hillary was just a liar.
Unfortunately for Hill, there was a video.
Showing children bearing flowers there to say hello.
When she realized she was caught, she said that she misspoke
That we’re supposed to buy this, has to be a joke.
Brian Williams got sacked for the same offense
But Hillary wants to be our president.
And let’s not forget about the Clinton Foundation
Where a thug could buy a favor with a big enough donation.
Let’s fast forward to November of ‘16
Hill was waiting anxiously to be declared the queen.
But something started happening that just couldn’t be right
The polls had not predicted that the race would be this tight.
The votes for Trump were coming in so rapidly
It soon became apparent that her path to victory
Was narrowing too fast to win the presidency.
She just had never seen this as a possibility.
This must be a mistake, what we’re seeing must be wrong.
She’d dreamed of this big moment for far too long.
What about the fireworks and all that fine champagne?
This surely can’t be happening, the voters are insane.
State after state was lost to Donald Trump.
Surely, Pennsylvania would provide the needed bump
When that final hope was dashed, she had to realize.
That she had failed to capture this most coveted prize.
When Donald finally won the race, those who heard it said
A shriek rang out that surely must have woken the dead.
Hillary did not accept her loss so gracefully
She received more votes than Trump, didn’t they all see?
She’d waited all her life to be the president.
And someone so unworthy had beat her to the tent.
Voters made a big mistake and she would not concede.
To call her a sore loser was to put it mildly.
And now it’s two years later, she’s still feelin’ the burn.
How could this have happened, after all, it was her turn.
After Trump took office, we began to see
The Democrats’ involvement in a big conspiracy
From the highest levels of the FBI,
They all agreed they really had to kill this guy.
They pulled out all the stops to oust this president
But their hard work has failed and now it’s evident
They’ll have to fight much meaner, they know that goin’ in
And we must fight much smarter if we really want to win.
Hillary Clinton may be the most corrupt person ever to seek the presidency.