After already upsetting the political waters with his threat to sue Ted Cruz over supposedly stealing votes in Iowa, and to sue the Republican Party to demand that the Iowa caucus be done over, because it supposedly wasn’t run fairly, Donald Trump astonished reporters by blithely announcing, at the end of a press conference, that his presidential campaign was immediately filing for federal bankruptcy protection.
“Now don’t be making a big deal about this. The campaign is strong, it’s doing great. We’re gonna continue to fight on and win BIG in New Hampshire, then move onto the other states. I can just see Megyn Kelly get all excited about this tonight, rolling her eyes and going ‘WHOA!!!’. She doesn’t understand that I’m very smart, I’m a GREAT businessman..I make GREAT deals..and I have great lawyers, and I’m just taking advantage of the laws on the books that are there for all Americans. Look, as you all know, I’m very proud of the fact that I’ve used bankruptcy many time before, to get out of paying what I owe, and sticking some losers, like Ted Cruz, who everyone hates, with the check.”
“We came up a little short in Iowa, because Cruz cheated, and I’m suing for a do-over, but while that’s in the courts, this way I can get out of paying all the open bills that are left. Gonna save me millions. Pretty smart, eh? Told ya, I make GREAT deals. See, I haven’t actually paid out a whole lot; everyone was eager to give me credit..like the hotel owner here…stupid bastard…They know I’m worth TEN BILLION, so I’m a GREAT risk. Well, too bad, sucker…never trust anyone in business..it’s a jungle out there.”
“The new campaign is already up and running. Completely separate financially from the old one. Doesn’t change anything..It’s an accounting gimmick…and I’ve got GREAT accountants…all really sharp Jewish CPAs. They’re the best. They know numbers..”
“But what’s best about this is that I get out of paying for a lot of stuff that didn’t turn out so good. I can’t tell you how much I promised to Ann Coulter and Sarah Palin for those two ferkaktah endorsements, but now, they ain’t gonna see a nickel. Shows those two dumb broads what happens whey they try and get over on The Donald,