Right now, ironically, Barack Obama is trying desperately to hold on to a job. We know how that feels, Mr. President.

While charting liberal hypocrisy is de rigeur here on RedState, and there are those who are going to be far better at it than I, I felt compelled to make the titular observation, and submit for you the substantiating evidence. Why? Because the President of the United States is basically the CEO of an incredible organization, whose purview includes the daily lives of millions of American citizens. It is a position of service. You know, “government by consent of the governed”. Now, while the challenger on our side has touted his business record, albeit far less than the left has accused, President Obama’s surrogates have made it their unholy crusade to turn “private equity” into liberal dog-whistle speak for “punches women in the uterus and causes cancer”.

Remember that guy whose wife Mitt Romney killed years after he left Bain Capital? Mormon Voodoo is the most powerful Voodoo out there, since apparently it can reach across time, space, and (unlike our health insurance) state lines. Flash forward in time to the DNC, and you will discover a delegate saying that she would like to kill Mitt Romney. She doesn’t want to tell him why he’s wrong. She doesn’t want to vote against him. She wants to kill him. Why? Because Romney would destroy this country. I pray for that poor woman, because she has lived here for 40 years and has no idea what destroying the country looks like. This is the level of hatred that bubbles up at the mention of the name “Romney”. In the minds of Democrat voters they have managed to turn a Mormon missionary, whose father built an American success story (yes, he built that), whose wife survived breast cancer (and is still surviving M.S.), whose firm had an 80% success rate, and whose political track record is pretty moderate (natch) into a rabid, drooling, right-wing nutcase whose  gun fires bibles that only protect unborn babies from unions and taxes. He is, at once, a CEO who is able to kill American jobs and pioneer in outsourcing while still being an incompetent boob who didn’t know the blessing that was the individual mandate and the beauty of government bailouts. In short, Mitt Romney has made Democrats simultaneously scream from the hilltops the virtue of bailouts, and curse corporations that don’t use them.

And that’s the worst rub, isn’t it? The party that called John Corzine first, the party that asked that God bless the Occupy Wall Street debacle (remember when they didn’t boo God?), and the party that is trying to sell the smashing economic success that is the Worst Recovery Ever is now trying to say that Mitt Romney doesn’t represent mainstream America, doesn’t know how to create jobs, and doesn’t care for the little guy. When comparing Romney to President Obama, all of those statements should end with the word either. And their basis for this? Mitt Romney is a tax cheat/dodger who outsourced whatever jobs he didn’t kill. He had the 47th slowest job growth in the country as Governor of Massachusetts. He had swooped in like a corporate vulture to take over failing companies and sell off all the assets (at a profit!?)  before using a spell from Book of Mormon to give their wives cancer. There’s just one small problem: As the head of the largest and most powerful organization in the known world, President Obama has been an absolute failure, and is demonstrably guilty of some of the charges his party has leveled at the Republican nominee.

First off, let’s look at the taxes. Mitt Romney has never been investigated by the IRS. Now, in fairness, neither has President Obama, but let’s go ahead and be honest about who is being accused of not doing their “fair share”. There’s another narrative a lot of people miss about this accusation: The IRS has no problem investigating people when it feels they have dodged the law. In 2009 (the first year of tax returns Romney is “hiding”, the IRS conducted over 23,000 audits of high-income earners. 23,000! This leads to two possible conclusions: 1. Mitt Romney survived the audit, or 2. Mitt Romney did not get audited. This means that Romney is not, as of 2009 (and indeed today), a tax cheat. Also, there’s the false accusation that the 13% or 14% Romney paid in taxes is far less than the average taxpayer. That same year, a full 50% of taxpayers paid an average rate of 1.85% and only 13.5% of the total tax burden (data here). The tax code, as it turns out, is still quite progressive.

But what about President Obama? Well, he didn’t cheat on his taxes, either. What he and his party have done is accuse Mitt Romney of dodging paying his fair share through the use of loopholes like Swiss bank accounts and Cayman Islands offshore holdings. Remember, with Democrats, the rhetoric is far more important than the truth. The “crime” here is the use of legal “loopholes”. That’s the insinuation: Mitt Romney and his army of white, rich, Republican lawyers are evading the law and stealing from the innocent little government who has no means to prosecute these criminals. Again, the rhetoric runs afoul of the facts. How was Obamacare passed? Budget Reconcilliation. The most massive and sweeping legislative accomplishment by any President in our lifetimes passed the Senate through the budget reconcilliation process, allowing them to dodge a fillibuster. Earlier this year, John Roberts pulled the political equivalent of taking the U.S. Constitution on a date to the prison showers, and made it legal.  Loopholes like budget reconcilliation are great when you are trying to raise taxes but awful when you are paying them?

Then there’s the whole job thing. President Obama has created 4.5 million of ’em. He is creating jobs just as fast as he can, even with those stupid Republicans stopping him at every turn (except when he uses Executive Orders), and he has been a wild success! I mean, Romney had the 47th slowest job growth rate at the end of his term as Governor! Unfortunately, he had an unemployment rate in the low 4% range, or roughly half of the President’s unemployment average, so you can’t really grow too many jobs when your state is darn near statistically fully employed. See, when Mitt was an executive of a state more people went to work. As a politician, he was a job creator, as he was in the private sector (apparently nobody works for Staples, or Dominoes, or Guitar Center).

But what about President Obama? Well, his position on job creation is still evolving, I guess. He has done nothing but create jobs since he came into office, but for some reason, unemployment stays high. That is some strong Mormon Voodoo Mitt Romney is pulling off. Most of the people who read RedState are not economists, but we are smart enough to realize that when jobs are created unemployment goes down. If only they had a term for not creating enough jobs to make up for those that were lost since the beginning of your term in office! The left always likes to put quotation marks around Mitt Romney’s claim of being a “job creator” (see?), but they do no such thing around President Obama. The economy has created jobs, but not as many as were lost, but the President still claims the title of creator. Know what that’s called? A statistical loophole.

And what about the whole Solyndra/Fisker/GM thing? You know, the whole notion of public investments? There are two major problems with this one. First is the image problem, as in, who fired who, and who spent who’s money? The second is the temporal problem, which sounds like something out of Star Trek. First, Democrats love to bring up American Pad & Paper as an example of Mitt Romney shutting down companies without concern for their workers. They paraded fired employee Randy Johnson during Romney’s Senate campaign, Gubernatorial Race, and during this week’s DNC as an example of how they’ve moved forward…to 1994. The problem? Mitt Romney never served on the board at Ampad. While he was on the board at Bain, he never dealt directly with that enterprise. The rub in this case? There was a guy named Jonathan Lavine who was directly responsible for the Ampad deal. And he is one of President Obama’s biggest fundraisers. A lot of those dollars he gave the campaign? They would have been Randy Johnson’s salary. Real Robin Hood stuff going on over there in the Democrat Workers Party. Then, there’s the time problem. Remember how Mitt Romney used his Magical Mormon Drum Circle to cast cancer spells on that one steelworker’s wife? The cancer occurred seven years after he left Bain Capital to run the Olympics, and that worker, Joe Soptic, was fired two years after he left Bain Capital. As an interesting note about time in the campaign, and for my own amusement, I also want to point out that Democrats only use one month of the George W. Bush term when answering the, “are you better off now than four years ago?” question. The nifty way to package all this? Apparently, George W. Bush and Mitt Romney are responsible for what happens after they leave their executive positions, but Barack Obama is not responsible for what happens while he still occupies his.

In all, Mitt Romney is not the perfect candidate, but to his credit that is not how he is running. Mitt Romney is running as a realist. He is running as the painkiller you take after the hangover hits you. He is running as the alternative to platitudes and pandering. He is running as a real American story.

And President Obama? He has behaved an awful lot like the image he is running against.

-Joseph Kurt can be found delightfully polluting the airwaves with right-wing hatred and spew every weekend on 94.3WSC FM in Charleston, SC. Website here.