I have discovered the truth about why liberals don’t “get” conservative ideas.  We say the same words but don’t speak the same language.  It’s like the Star Trek episode where Kirk found himself on the evil-Enterprise (“Mirror Mirror”).

So to facilitate understanding, I’ve compiled, in no particular order, what I believe to be a short list of commonly used words and phrases in our language and their Liberal translations.

A gender stereotype of a male chauvinist white supremacist homophobe – as a group referred to as “The Man”

A strong, smart, career minded female who doesn’t need a man telling her what to do, and should own her own body and make her own choices

A person belonging to any race that is bigoted, is not victimized, marginalized, or in need of government assistance

A person who doesn’t look white, but is white, by the definition above

How anyone except white people (by the definition above) are allowed refer to African Americans

African American
The acceptable term for black people as a group, except when Liberals say it isn’t

We deserve, and must have, everything we need to live*, and we don’t care how much The Man has to pay for it, because The Man has too much money

To Live
Having food, necessities, homes, cars, cigarette money (except where it’s not allowed), cell phones, video game consoles, music, movies and cable TV (see Entitlement)

The Goddess of Earth who exacts justice on all who dare challenge Liberal ideas

Climate Change (no matter what the weather is, it’s because of Climate Change)

Global Warming
Established law of science which cannot be challenged

What The Man calls our Entitlements, we call them “Programs”

Do what we tell you until we tell you otherwise

The litany of horrors of White colonial rule and subjugation under The Man’s boot, except when we say “what difference does it make?”

The Program to indoctrinate young people in our language and discredit yours

Your acceptance and celebration of Liberal ideas and Programs, and our rejection of yours

The taking of The Man’s privileges, assets, and rights to serve Liberal Entitlements, Programs, Law, and Education systems

See “Fairness”

A protected belief system that cannot be infringed, except for Christianity

The religion of The Man

The method that Government uses to enforce Equality, Fairness, and fund Liberal Entitlements, Programs, Law and Education systems (see Fairness)

A group of well-armed people whose existence is repugnant to us, except when we send them to foreign lands to fight for us.  When they die for us, we remind The Man how History has caused these deaths

The Man’s codeword for Christian theocracy

Anyone we say can cast a ballot for Liberal candidates

The consensus of opinion of Washington, D.C., New York City, and Los Angeles area residents, and sometimes San Francisco Bay

Silent Majority
Those who live in flyover-country who cling to their guns and religion (see Christianity)

See Christianity, but with guns

A well-intentioned but irrelevant book of fairy tales (usually said with an eye-roll)

The chemistry between two or more mutually attracted living things

The legal and religious bond between living things that love each other

The Man’s stereotypical and oppressive identifications based on biological sex, which are unfairly imposed on little children and stunt their natural development – or – an individual’s own personal idea of their inner self’s sexuality

Sexual preference
An individual’s innate, biologically programmed attraction to other people of a certain biological body type or self-identified gender

Biblical truth

Traditional marriage

Intolerance and hate

Anyone and any idea that disagrees with Liberal ideas: by definition if you disagree, we have to hate you because by definition you hate us

When a Liberal is in the office:  a Messiah, King, and Giver of Good Gifts.  When a conservative is in office:  a tyrant, a hateful puppet of The Man

I hope this pocket guide to English / Liberal translation will help you to establish more meaningful conversations with your liberal friends.

Or maybe not.