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It is a staple of B-Grade movie thrillers that a structure built over an ancient Indian burial ground will inevitably become a portal for an alternate evil universe. No doubt president Obama must be wondering who was buried beneath the White House, or even beneath Michelle’s organic vegetable garden, because it’s like he’s stumbled into an alternate evil universe. Every time he turns around, or doesn’t turn around, or does something, or doesn’t do something, it seems he gets the blame.

When Congressional Democrats turned his epic stimulus package into a leftwing grab bag, somehow, that was his fault. When the launch of his incoherently written and inherently unworkable Affordable Care Act was so badly bungled that if it took place in the private sector the company it supported would have gone out of business and someone would likely have gone to jail, Obama got the blame. When his foreign policy descended into a pastiche of leading from behind, resets and pivots, like a bad episode of Dancing With the Stars, everybody pointed their fingers at him.

It’s like all of a sudden, everything’s Obama’s fault. Take the recent man-caused disaster over there in Paris. Suddenly, it’s like a 9/11 moment all over again. Remember when, after the towers fell, a French newspaper, Le Monde, printed the headline, “Nous Sommes Tous Americans?” What a sickening thought that was, right? But there was something scary about it, too. Even Kerry, just for a minute, started making patriotic noises.

Of course, that didn’t last long. But remember when Obama got elected back in 2008? The New York Times could have run a headline announcing, “Nous Sommes Tous Socialistes Europeens.” ‘Cuz it was true, or virtually true. He promised to fundamentally change America, and damned if he didn’t try. Okay, so it turns out the American people didn’t actually want their country fundamentally changed. Well, why the hell did they vote for him then? Didn’t they believe him when he told them what he was going to do?

Turns out Hans Gruber’s assessment of the American voter’s intellectual capacity was spot on.

Anyway, back to the man-caused disaster. Obama said the right things. He warned Charlie Hebdo’s editorial staff of the consequences. Remember, back in 2012, when those lousy man-caused disaster causers torched the American consulate in Benghazi, what Obama said to the United Nations? “The future must not belong to those who slander the name of the prophet of Islam.”

Pretty much told them what would happen, didn’t he. So why this worldwide outrage? What’s with all those lofted pens and those sappy #JeSuisCharlie signs and posters? I mean, who cares, right? But then they have this demo, no biggie, right? Only then it takes off. Who knew Angela would be there? And Cameron, and probably even that cute Danish chick. It got so ridiculous even Holder gets antsy, calls Valerie and asks if maybe he should put in an appearance. Luckily, or so it seemed at the time, Valerie told him, no, get the hell out of Paris. Come home and help us restart that crucial conversation on race. Do you realize there hasn’t been one word about Ferguson in the news since those stupid cartoonists got shot?

Anyway, who knew it would get so big? Who knew Bibi and Abbas would be holding hands and singing Kumbaya, and, who knows, French kissing even? Who knew Proposhenko or whatever that Ukrainian troublemaker’s name is would holding hands and singing Kumbaya with the Russian Foreign Minister, Leadbed, or whatever? Who knew that Obama would get the blame for not showing up? I mean, everybody, and I mean everybody, even Jon-Freaking-Stewart jumped on him over that one.

So what are you going to do? You warn these guys ixnay on the prophet slander. They ignore you. They get shot. And suddenly it’s your fault? Maybe it’s time to exhume some of those native bones.