They’re coming, a real pay as you go system, designed by the Smartest People Who Have Ever Lived, Because we’d all drown with liquid assets:
1. The ‘Change Ain’t Cheap’ tax. It’s not. We tried it.
2. The ‘Not one of us’ tax. You just try not to make this list.
3. The ‘Fly-Over Country’ tax. You’re in that red state. Best get moving.
4. The ‘Never full but well FED’ tax. Because the FED’s gotta eat too, and they didn’t bring their checkbook.
5. The ‘It pays to be a member’ tax. Goes to establish and nurture lobby firms, who make big campaign donations to politicians, who raise taxes… It’s the circle of life.
6. The ‘IRS Improvements’ tax. Provides for the hardening of the walls, and reinforcing all their bldgs. Moats to come next fiscal year.
7. The ‘You should have allowed us to do this 20 years ago’ tax.
8. The ‘Unsafe savings’ tax.
9. The ‘Uncuttable Tax Research’ tax. Goes into R&D creating an ultimate form of tax, more powerful than all others combined.
10. The ‘You didn’t have an abortion’ tax. Will go to fund them.
11. The ‘Zero Population Growth’ tax. You didn’t have the socially accepted 1 child per family.
12. The ‘It’s not cost effective to spy on you yet’ tax. Funds the National Surveillance Program that is woefully underfunded.
13. The ‘You still want to get married’ tax. Followed by the ‘You’re still married’ tax each subsequent year, quadrupling every four years.
14. The ‘Why walk when you may crawl’ tax. For all forms of transportation.
15. The ‘Why eat when you may starve’ tax. Helps keep you thin.
16. The ‘Fairer than fair’ tax. The fairest one of all.
17. The ‘Sunday’ tax. It’s not the Lord’s Day now.
18. The ‘See you in Hell’ tax, and the ‘Taxes & Death & Taxes’ tax, and the ‘Taxed to Death’ tax. The final insult comes in threes.
There’s also a New National Holiday
‘Bring Your Children to the IRS’ Day. You will get them back in 6 to 8 weeks, after your check has cleared.